ok..the trash can is NOT for decoration. Pick up your s**t!

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Could I encourage you to look to "How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish?<br />
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This book has many useful and practical hints so that kids will respond positively to your requests.<br />
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You could let him know that there are health/aesthetic standards for everyone in the house and that if you have to hire a cleaner to sort out his room each week, you won't have pocket money for him, or money for chocolates / favourite sport / new clothes / DVD hire / good birthday presents.....<br />
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This is a natural consequence of him not cleaning up, rather than an arbitrary punishment, unrelated to the offence.<br />
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In the long run, one option is also to let him know you won't be helping him find lost stuff and he'll have to wear the consequences (i.e. no clean clothes, school detention for not bringing in homework etc). Require him to keep his door closed so others in the house don't have to put up with looking at mess.<br />
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In the long run some people take time to learn why it's useful to clean up after yourself. If we only ever do it because we're nagged, the action stops when the nagging does.<br />
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I'm still working personally on my tidiness as I have a lot of clutter in the office and at home. The benefits of investment of some time in boring tidying is that I appear more competent at work when I can find the report I "know" exists somewhere, and at home my partner is less stressed.<br />
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Good luck, it's not easy with teenagers.<br />
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p.s. I've just looked at your profile....... I suspect this is the least of your worries. If the worst thing in your life is that your son doesn't pick up, things aren't all that bad. My reading of the tea leaves is that you have many serious worries and stressors in your life, and sometimes we end up focusing overly on the bits that we have direct control over (son's behaviour). Please put it in perspective, encourage your son to become self responsible, but don't expect too much when many of the adults in his life seem out of control. (not you - you seem like a great role model for him - hang in there).<br />
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Blessings and love to you, More soon on the other bits.

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Explain this reading of tea leaves, please?

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Tea leaf reading is a fortune telling method where the shape and alignment of the leaves left in the cup after you've consumed it and turned it over are supposed to mean something. (Gypsy legacy I believe)
It was a figurative comment - not actual..... I meant that reading some of your other posts brought me to a different conclusion than I arrived at by just reading this one. I suspect that your son is partly acting like any boy (bit messy and loud and lazy at times) and also may be influenced in his motivations by some of the behaviour of adults around him. It sounds like your mother isn't being very self supporting, your BF is abusive and his father hasn't shown interest in his welfare. All things which impact on a child's sense of safety or self worth.
When I get too stressed at work, I turn from someone who is very flexible with changes to a pedantic winger who complains about the smallest things.
Is it possible, if you didn't have so many stresses in your life, your son's messiness would be more managable and tolerable?
I'm not blaming you for your situation, just asking if you are able to look beyond your own stress levels, to assess whether his behaviour is really over the top, or just needs a little adjustment and encouragement.
The book I referenced suggests brief reminders of what you want as being more productive than nagging: "Clothes go in the hamper" or "Rubbish goes in the bin".
If it's still a problem or if it is a significant issue (rather than just a bit messy) perhaps we can workshop some approaches?

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I am a single dad and i understand that parenting can be hard. But if he doesn't listen , punish him. You are the dad. You are in charge. I usually tell my son to do something and if he doesn't he stays in the next day. Or I take a weekend away. And my son knows better than to swear at or disrespect me. He isn't quite sure what I would do. It makes him weary to go too far. and I keep it that way. I DO believe in spanking and my son knows it. But if I can keep control without it I am happy to do just that.<br />
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But I also make sure I tell him, at least once a day, I love him. We do things together and he knows if he is honest it changes a lot. And I do allow him to talk to me to hear his point of view. I have changed my mind before and given his requests a try. Most of the time I don;t, but he knows he can at least speak up.

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No ****! I have the same problem. My son is only 10 and he's pig from hell. However, every weekend he has to clean behind the couch and his bedroom because he like to throw wrappers and clothes behind the couch and under his bed.

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and who is the parent again?

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When they have finished with your son can they please talk to mine

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Throw the trash in his room.

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The last he picked his trash was when you said "I love you".<br />
True / False ?

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There's no issue with this boy bein told he's loved. We still play the 'I love you more' game. He's 10, today's his birthday, in fact.

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Happy birthday - to him!

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Thanks!

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Happy birthday to you both - you for carrying and delivering him, and him for being him.

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1 More Response

:: throws my candy wrapper on your floor ::<br />
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::: proceeds to next question :::

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