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Idoagree Idoagree 41-45 6 Answers Nov 21, 2012 in Marriage

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They first have to sober up. Then check.

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Lol..right

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You check by listening. If he pretends, he will catch himself out, if you are listening carefully. The trick is, if he pretends, not to let him know that you have noticed. Then he will truly reveal himself. Body language can also be pretty revealing too. A friend of mine who has a professional training in a special field said that it is rare that someone can keep up an act after 18 months.

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Great! :) Most of the time... I could catch them after a little while, but it really makes me upset that people actually do tricks on people... so silly don't you think?

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Sometimes my problem is quite the opposite, I don't like to take craps from guys that I might have cut them short a little too early. It's a bit difficult to know when to be patient and to wait a little more... or to cut it loose...

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Idoagree - when to be patient and when to cut it loose? Listen to your heart. My own way of doing it is to make sure that before I go on a date, I am truly centered (i.e. relaxed and not going to be thrown easily) and if the worst comes to the worst, either you have a good evening or a rotten one. Never put yourself in the position where you have an unsafe one. If someone makes you feel uneasy with the "crap", you are always free to leave. I did this once with a guy who was devastatingly handsome. We went to a restaurant and he was rude to the waitress. End of story. I called a taxi and was gone.

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Stephaniebis, thank you so much for your comments. Yes, this intuition thing (listen to your heart) sometimes could get mixed up with our head. The last boyfriend I had for 10 months, in the last 2 months I was happy spending my time with him during the date but at the end of each date I felt upset and frustrated that it didn't go anywhere - I felt I was wasting my time... Since I felt that way in the last month of the relationship, I had no choice but to stop seeing him for a little while, and then we broke up. I was confused... I was listening to my heart and how I felt, I gave it a bit more time... I enjoyed it being with him but then I always felt upset at the end of the day/evening... He was incredibly handsome, very rich and also a gentleman... this made it hard to see whether he was playing with me, but my feeling was telling me that something wasn't right... it was very confusing...

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Yep! I doagree. When something tells you that something isn't right, that's because it's W R O N G.
Somewhere inside you you have heard it, in spite of his handsomeness, great wallet, gentlemanly behaviour.
LISTEN TO IT.
I'm sorry you had to live through that and hope that next time, you enjoy the evening and if you don't, keep asking yourself WHY! (Not what he wants, but what you are worrying about!!!) It's your relationship too, it's your heart too.

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Thank you, Stephaniebis! :)

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3 More Responses

You can't, aside from looking at basic behavior, which is pretty obvious. If he gets wasted every night, obviously that's a bad sign.<br />
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Beyond that, people can say anything about what they want in a relationship and you can't really check it.

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Gee...I can here your bio-clock ticking all the way over here!

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Ha..ha.. Lots of men are jerks - I have been lucky for not wasting my time on them...not all the nice ones are suitable for me... I don't want to end up being with either one... I am still looking for the one... because this isn't for a day/a week/a year.. but the rest of my life... scared of getting the wrong deal... :(

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That would be nice - a quick test! Rather than a long winding game that doesn't go anywhere. I feel sorry to this world - there are so many people who lead other people on for a long time... and if someone wants to marry you, he doesn't necessarily the right one - you can't marry him either... otherwise it's sealed for the rest of your life...

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