We broke up in September.
In December, I sent him this:
Dear _ _ _ _ _ _,
Did you see the snowflakes? I thought they were road crusties at first… but no, they were actually snowflakes. I thought I was going to plotz. It apparently snowed on Thanksgiving, too. This isn’t why I was writing you, I had just seen them, and wanted to point them out, and say something like “you jerk, you get to see them before me because you’re a big redwood of a man-tree.”
After finals are over, I was hoping I could get my necklace from you. It has a lot of sentimental value for me, and I like to wear it during Christmas time. I have some things of yours as well, so we can make that trade.
It’s pretty and cold outside. The air is crisp and spicy like ginger bread. The wind is sharp and the clouds are full and heavy and grey. People smile a little more often. People think a little more altruistically for these twenty five days of December that media and capitalistic green-hearts have hyped up… it’s kind of wonderful the kind of “magic” that people create with their own hearts and wishes. It’s all so ordinary.
So that’s why, with no want of change, with no expectations, with no want of response, I wanted to tell you that I love you. That I hope you are warm enough, and that school goes well, and that you get what you want for Christmas. People say not to say such things. Pride says not to say such things. But I’m learning to just to exist and live by what’s true, and true for me. Being with someone right now would be a mistake, I think, because I need to learn more about what I think, and want, and believe. I need to establish what is mine, so you can believe what I say when I say I want and need nothing from you.
But despite the cold, there is so much warmth everywhere, and happiness. And I wanted you to know that I know that I was cruel sometimes, that I made you the villain for other people’s crimes sometimes, that I have a lot to learn. I also wanted you to know that you are loved.
Let me know when a good time to make an exchange is. *grins* no coffee, no visiting, just an exchange, promise.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
He did not return my feelings, but I do not regret sending this. If you still feel the same way, it's always worth avoiding "what if." At least you did everything you could for your heart's sake.
the rule i always stick to is
they're exes for a reason don't go through that bs again and waste even more time
My eyes are sore from trying to read that......
I need to take jibberish lessons again, so EP becomes a little easier to understand.
What does dignity have to do with it?
Why do you want her back for?
It didn't work the first time for a reason........are you just lonely? Did you find it hard to pick up after she left?
Think about this stuff before you run off and go acting desperate and get rejected.......or hand all power over to her.......
if your having problems at 3 months, it's about as good as it is ever going to get. ... i'd let it go