Would everyone please write me who's lost their Spouse?

Mine died in my arms in Jan. 2008. My life is good, I am doing okay, I just try not to dwell on his illness and actual death (it scares me)

I am not looking to replace him. I am really ok.

To lose one's spouse, in my case after 45 years of togetherness, is very traumatic, even though I knew of the likelihood. Much, of course, depends on the nature of the relationship how one suffers; to some it might be a release, to me it felt as if I had been pole axed!

The walls of the valley of death can be steep, very steep indeed, and it can take gargantuan effort to claw oneself out. It also takes a fair measure of toughness to manage the grief but the loneliness too is an appalling feature to endure; it simply was sending me bananas.

Eleven months later I met a woman to whom I became attracted. Initially it was just a night out for company, well that's what we thought; 10 years later we are still together and now married.

It was only on meeting my present wife that the healing at the loss of my first began but it took a few years to heal the wound of her loss. I know that beneath the surface that I continue to miss her but the reality is that life is for the living so one simply gets on with living and reflects on the past as if it was another life.

My wife today brings me companionship, joy, and love, but I sincerely hope that I will not out-live her. I have no desire to be catapulted into that valley of death again nor to face the dreaded loneliness once more.

I certainly do not make any comparisons between my wife today and that of my first wife; they are entirely different except that the common denominator is that they are female and feminine too. I adore the company of mature females; they are a delight to be with.

Make your life and your spouse as happy as possible and you will most likely never regret having done so. This might sound a tad silly but happiness involves effort and awareness; it seldom just happens.

I am an optimist with an acute sense of black humour so I am mostly happy; seldom do I feel otherwise yet from the day of my birth I have suffered and unluck has chosen to befriend me but I will not allow it to drag me down into the sludge at the bottom of the sewer.