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Am single amongst other things I am 27. What I will say is that I am a good and kind person who puts their all into the job and I am nice to others. Is that enough for a parent though and to be loved unconditionally or do I fall short? I feel my mother has such high expectations for me and she has spent the day berating me for what I do as a job. I feel like I will never be loved or cared about as me in the here and now rather then what I COULD be. So, would you be ashamed of having a 27 year old daughter like me?
Jenni855 Jenni855 26-30, F 36 Answers Jul 29, 2012

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You are 27 an adult, is your life good enough FOR YOU. For starters not a lot of people have job satisfaction, you are lucky to have that. In this economy many don't have jobs, you do. Single at 27 is hardly headline news. <br />
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Your mother's issues not yours. Look at her life, is she happy? She can not live her life through you. Nor can she control you. Remember that and live your own life on your terms, try to see her criticism as her projecting her own disappointments with her own life onto you. Yes I and many other would love our children, regardless of their job, income or marital status.

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She is not happy with her life no and I think you are right in that she does project a lot onto me. You are also probably right in that it is her issue and not mine.
Would you still love/be proud and talk to your child if they had no job and were single?

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Well said Pixel!!!

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I know I give her too much power. It's just when your own mother doesn't seem to accept and love you unconditionally, it cant help but hurt.
Yes, she BADLY needs a life outside of me and my siblings.

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I was once guilty of the offense your mom is projecting on you.when my daughter was 17, she was going thru a rough time. I didn't help with my criticism either. When I examined why I was acting this way towards her, for me, I was fearing her safety. I apologized to her &amp; explained my concerns. She is now 28 &amp; the most loving,
kindest ,most beautiful person in world &amp; that's all that matters. I'm so very lucky that she taught me a valuable life lesson. I hope that one day you or mom can share&amp; understand your feelings.

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1 More Response

surely not..you are good and kind and if you are satisfied with your job then your parents should respect your choice..i guess they have to learn a lot in life.. :)

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My mother thinks I have a lot to learn but actually, I think she does. Thank you.x

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you are right..being elder isn't neccesarily being more mature//!!

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You can say that again but she really makes me doubt myself and my views.x

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my mom is also like her..i have learned ignoring her..:(

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I think that is the only way. I am sorry you experience this as well.x

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it's o.k. now we don't choose our parents and that's why we have to learn coping with them rven if they are not too good...:)

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3 More Responses

Absolutely not. If you were my daughter I would be proud of you and support you in whatever your job was. Having a job you enjoy is more benefit than anything else. As long as you ste content and can pay your way in life then I say I would bf very proud.

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If you really love the job and can manage on the wages, then the problem is hers, not your. It takes real strength of character to recognise that the way to fulfillment, is not always money or status.

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Parents often only see what they could have done better and take it out on you, sometimes. My parents were strict when I was growing up, I never felt as though they were proud of me. Nowadays though, as they see the person I've grown to be (and I tell them regardless of berating) that I am happy in my life - they too have slowly become more relaxed. They tell me they are proud of me all the time. <br />
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Just show her how happy you are - over time, your mother will get there.<br />
At 27, it is no longer about you, your mother has to get used to the person you are and unfortunately, you have to be patient and let her come to the realisation.

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Assuming the story is true, I'd be happy with you

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No offense, but ba<x>sed on that information I think anyone with any sense would be VERY proud to have you as their child. You would reflect well on them.

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Thanks. Wish my own mother thought like that.

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Well, as long as you don't kill people for a living, I wouldn't have a problem. Or as long as you do not abuse old people, young children or animals, I still don't have a problem.

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I am a mother guilty of doing the same thing. When my daughter was 17, she went thru a rough time & I was of no help with my comments & anger towards her. Then I began to examine my reactions. For me, I feared for her safety.when I realized my feelings, I apologized to her & shared my concerns with her. She is now 28. She is the most loving, kindest, most beautiful person in the world. That's all that matters. She has taught me an important life lesson & I am thankful to her. I wish parenthood came with a manual when your children are born, but unfortunately we have to learn threw our mistakes. I hope you & your mom will talk this & be open to each others feelings.

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Difference is, my mother will never learn.
I am glad you and your daughter worked things out.x

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Hey I'd always be proud of you! :)

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Thank you.

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Is there any way you can limit your contact with your mom temporarily? It seems like your relationship is stuck in a really bad cycle. :(

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Unfortunately no, I just need to learn to stay out of her way.

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A daughter as thoughtful as you would be a blessing

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Thank you. That is lovely.x

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Absolutely, positively, without question or reservation...I would be proud if you were my daughter. What I see is a nice person, who makes their own way and how much money you make has no bearing on your being. We have all done things we are not proud of and wish we could do over...me included. But it is how you live you life that counts. Mothers are not perfect either...so let her live the way she must and recognize she does not know what she is doing...she will lern eventually!

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I dont know if she will ever learn, but thank you.

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She may not, and I am sure she means well...she just doesn't understand the effects of what she is doing. My son just turned 18...he's happy and he doen'st have a job, and will never get one. He is severely handicapped with cerbal Palesy and is a quadraplegic and has never spoken...but I love him so very much and I am very very proud of him. He's a great kid!

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That is lovely to hear.

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absolutely not...

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Thank you.

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not at all as long as your happy that's all that counts

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You would think thats what matters wouldn't you but not to her it seems.

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not moi' baby,,, I mean at least you DO have a job :)

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Well thats what I always think, especially in this economy.

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ur thinking alll right on,,,

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Your mother should love you just because she is your mother , but she should also be proud of the wonderful daughter she was blessed with

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Thank you. I am far from wonderful though.x

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Hell no, l have three daughters two working and my youngest is a mother of two a boy & a girl, I am proud of all three. The eldest works for the NHS, the second daughter is a manager in child care, both not highly paid jobs it does not matter to me what job they do, they have all turned out to be good people & thats what matters. If you enjoy your work stick with it, been happy in what you do is more important than money. :-)

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Your second daughter does a similar job to mine but mine isn't as high status. Thank you for your comments.

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No worries, take pride in what you do, no in what people think you should do :-)

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No worries, take pride in what you do, not in what people think you should do :-)

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Thank you.x

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1 More Response

No. I would be proud to have a daughter that enjoys what she does. It is unfortunate that you mother feels that way. My mother was a prude when it came to certain things. Oh well. You can't let someone else (even a parent) define your happiness. If you are happy with what you are doing then that is all that matters. Either she will get over it or she won't. That is her problem, not yours. Just enjoy your life it is yours to live.

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Yes, I do need to remember that. It is just sad and difficult when you feel like such a failure by your own mother.

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If I believed every negative thing my mother said to me I would be curled up in a ball in the corner of a hospital as a patient. Some people are not skilled at being good parents. Don't let someone else's issues be yours. You have something that so many people want. . . fulfillment in their job. Who cares how much money you make. If what you do makes you happy then everybody else can go stick it. Did you ever think that perhaps your mother is jealous because you have the happiness that she never had?

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Perhaps yes but I would be surprised if she was jealous of me.Thank you for your kind and sensible words.

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I am sure your mother loves you uncondtionaly. As a parent you sometimes get carried away in wanting your kids to be what you think they should be rather than what they think they should be. I would do this with your mom. Ask her a few simple questions. First mom do you want me to be happy? Second do you think that you can buy love? <br />
With the first question I am sure she wants you to be happy and explain to her how happy you are and wish she could be happy for you. <br />
The second question is ment to show her that money is not what brings love and happiness. Love and passion is what brings it. It does not matter if it is work or relationships. Point in out to your mom that your passion means much more than the money. <br />
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Parents want the best for their kids so dont give her a bad time for just wanting the best for you. <br />
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I hope this helps. You sound like a great young lady that the world needs more of. I would be very proud of you if you where my daughter and I am sure your mom is proud of you.

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Thank you. But it is the way she goes about it that hurts me. She constantly berates me and even when I tell her that she makes me feel like a failure, she continues. I feel like her love for me is based on what I can achieve, not who I am.

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