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If you are a man and you have a son, do you tell him the total truth about life? Life isn't the rosey image teachers would portray, its brutal and cruel in reality. Is it better to clear illusions. Give him the gorey truth, your experiences and a head start??
artymike8 artymike8 41-45, M 11 Answers Mar 27 in Parenting & Family

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We have thus far with my child and she's only 2.5. People and pets die, people are mean, people will use you, some people can't be trusted, there are emotions people feel such as jealousy, depression, sadness, anger and frustration. Along with those concepts we're teaching her how to deal with them. Life isn't fair, and while I still think she's MY special little flower, you don't always get a participation trophy in this life, and she will not grow up with a sense of entitlement. She will have to work hard for some of the things she truly desires, and even then she might not get them. <br />
Like the goddamned pillow pet the advertise on PBS. She will never have one of those unless someone else gets it for her.<br />
There are ways of addressing these concepts for little ones that aren't so negative, but we've always felt they were important to discuss when they come up. By doing so, we've noticed she handles upsetting situations a lot better than many of her peers. We want her to learn failure, accept it when needed and move past it. Ask for help when she needs it but if we know she can do something not doing everything for her - even if it is frustrating for both of us. I don't know of you'd classify that as a "headstart" as only she will live through her life experiences, and draw what she will from them. She can't/won't necessarily learn from my or her father's mistakes - some of that will have to come from her own failures we stand by and let her make.

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What truth is there except that they have to be self sufficent? Brave? Smart? Handy? Honorable? Trustworthy?<br />
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Instead of painting a dim view of life, try teaching them that they have a hand in how they grow up and how to make smart choices? How to be respected? Teach them that they hold the secret to their lives in their own hands. <br />
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They will figure out that life isn't so bad when they have a tool box to deal with the shiat they have to fix later on?

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That's what my dad did with me, and I maintain he did the right thing. I feel that I was much more prepared for life when **** got real as I got older.

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I think having the truth is more important than anything else. It tends to put the child's feet firmly on the ground. I wish my parents would have gone over finances more with me when I was younger then I wouldn't have had some of the issues I had when I first became an adult

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Your blunt truth about life, is only your perception and a life you created for yourself. The blunt truth about life is that you are responsible for your own life, and the chooses you make. That is all...choices. Instead, provide your child with the tools to navigate through and outmaneuver people. Give him the knowledge to become a confident positive person that is compassionate towards others. Help him love himself so that he can find love in others. <br />
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Those gorey truths are your truths, and not your sons. He needs to create his own experiences, and how you teach him to deal with barriers, challenges, and crisis will dictate how he lives his life. I'm not saying paint a pretty picture, but I would focus more on building him up so he will be successful throughout his life.

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But I may not be around for ever to consult, life is short.

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You don't need to be around forever to consult if you give him the right messages now. They will always be relevant and it will help him continue to build confidence and be successful in everything that he does throughout his life. It comes down to feeling good and being happy. Confidence comes from knowing who you are at your core and knowing what your dreams are, where your passions lie, the things that really turn you on in life. It comes from knowing what you want and believing in yourself. The minute you doubt yourself or what you know about yourself, you may as well throw in the towel. Life is truly simple. The choices we make complicate it.

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I would and I did.

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My truth might not be his truth later in life but I would teach him how to think.

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The view that the world is brutal and cruel is only a reality for someone who believes that. Maybe you should give him the chance to create his own positive reality

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If I had a child, I wouldn't be so negative. However, I would tell them about any brutal experiences I may have had slowly and ba<x>sed on how much they can assimilate at a time.

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