CAN I FEEL?
Three nuns were sat on a park bench and a flasher walked by.
Two of them had a stroke, but the other couldnt reach it.
I met a pirate with a wooden leg, a hook for a hand and a patch over one eye. I asked what happend and he said "he lost his leg when he fell overboard and shark ate it, he lost his hand in a pirate fight and lost his eye to a bird dropping". "A bird dropping took your eye?", I exclaimed. "Aye," he said, "it got in my eye and I went to wipe it away... it was my second day with the hook."!! Hope you feel better ;-)
I wondered why a frisby appears larger and larger the nearer it gets..then it hit me
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce *****. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
When Chuck Norris sneeze, he don't say "Atchoo" he says "DIE EVERYONE!!!". That's what happens next.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ***-kicking.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris built the hospital that he was born in
Chuck Norris commands all five lions of Voltron simultaneously.
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
Parakeets arevery smart birds who suck seed in life!