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You cannot claim you've forgiven someone if you haven't forgotten. Choosing not to forget means that you still remember the bad that they've done, therefore you haven't forgiven. Choosing not to forget means that there's still some residual resentment left, and forgiveness by definition is to let go of ALL resentment. You're still remembering for a reason, otherwise you'd forget. Forgiveness is actually very freeing. To forgive is to release your heart of poisons that only affect you. The person who you claim to have forgiven most likely doesn't know you haven't forgotten, so they're good, but when you hold onto a grudge it only makes you feel miserable. If Nelson Mandela could forgive people who robbed him of 27 years of his life, who am I not to forgive?
Sesi1990 Sesi1990 22-25, F 6 Answers Jul 27, 2012

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Well one who claims to forgive and doesn't forgets is only finding his pride in forgiveness, his only intention is to ride the horse of greatness but not actually forgiving one who is being sorry. So either you forgive and forget or you simply don't, between these two are grudge, pride & ego.

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Thank you! Finally, someone who agrees. I feel the same way.

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I don't agree.<br />
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There are people I've forgiven, however, due to the nature of the act against me I no longer trust them in the area in question. I don't dwell on it or bring it up with them, but because I keep it in the back of my mind I know where to draw the line with my interactions with them.

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No, forgiveness has nothing to do with forgeting. If you've forgotten, you have no need to forgive...there was no real damage. Moving on is what you do with forgiveness.

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You can't claim you've forgiven if you haven't forgotten, the two go hand in hand. If you still want to remember the wrong that the person caused you, you haven't forgiven them, because to forgive means I'm giving you a clean slate, I will forget and we'll be friends. You can't have one without the other.

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No,that's not true. Forgiveness is not like preteding something hasn't happened. You don't forgive by ignoring to truth.

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As they say..."Wise forgive but never forget"!!

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Who says that?

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To be more precise ....Thomas Szasz

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It seems you've forgotten. lol

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I stand by what I said. The very definition of forgiveness is to let go of resentment. You can't remember and not feel resentment. That's impossible.

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I don't agree.<br />
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If I forget and have a case of amnesia about the event, there would be no reason to forgive something I don't even remember happened. But if I've forgiven someone knowing that I will remember the event, the hurt they caused, for the rest of my life, is says a lot more.

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Holding onto a grudge is like holding onto a hot piece of coal and expecting the other person to get burnt.

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I've used that quote several times myself. I never said I was holding a grudge however. Going along with what you say, how did you erase from your member that which you have forgiven? Do you not recall the events at all? It isn't possible.

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Even your answer proves my point. Why do you need to bring up the event if you've forgiven.

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Why do you keep putting words in my mouth? lol No matter. I understand what you are trying to say. If you forgive, you will never NEED to bring it up again. Fine. But there is a difference between a need to recall a memory and being incapable of remembering. Amnesia is a pathological impairment.

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I didn't put words in your mouth. I am not talking about amnesia. I am talking about deliberately forgetting about something someone did to you because you've forgiven them. You simply cannot claim you've forgiven and not forgotten. By the way, it is possible to make yourself forget. Just answer this: Can you recall something bad someone did to you and not feel resentment? If you can't , then there's your answer. You might not admit it, but forgiveness and forgetting go hand in hand.

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This is a great topic for discussion. I want you to know that I am not frustrated by it. I am actually enjoying it. Text does not convey emotion well and I didn't want you getting the wrong impression. :) That said, you have twice put words in my mouth or better phrased, suggested a different meaning than I intended. 1. I did not say I held a grudge. I just remember the event. 2. I did not say a person needs to bring up the event, just that most people can't force themselves to forget it. I understand you fell that you can. I can't, nor do I want to. Here is an example that also answers your question: Yes, it can be done. Ask any parent if they remember their child flushing their keys down the toilet or something similar. Few parents forget these events or hold resentment towards their child when they talk about it. The memory for most, including myself, becomes a funny and endearing part of the story that is my child. It would be a shame to wipe away memories of my children because my forgiveness was not strong enough to hold true with the memory intact. I see it opposite of your view. If you have to will yourself to forget the event, your will is not strong enough to actually forgive. Forgetting becomes a replacement for forgiving and removes the the emotional effort required that makes someone a better person. It also removes the opportunity to become more wise because they retain no knowledge of the experience and or even their own kind act of forgiving would be gone. It is fascinating that you can will yourself to forget sections of your life. I've never heard of someone doing this by choice without their being a major traumatic experience involved.

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