I took mine to the GYN doc... The doc outlined the procedure of pap smear & check ups down there. As she was stripping down, she freaked out. I told her that if she wants to have sex, all of this is part of being responsible for her body in all that involves having sex. She said she didn't want to have sex for that kind of responsibility of having the GYN do his job. She quickly redressed & I lived to see another day.
This is awesome! I love how you did the right thing by taking her to the doctor so she can begin to learn, first hand, some of the responsibility involved. I wish more parents were proactive like this, instead of taking the attitude of locking their daughters in their rooms and throwing away the keys. It sounds like you breathed a big sigh of relief, but it may have turned out differently, couldn't it have? In that case, it's great you exposed her to what she needed to do to be safe. I really applaud your choice.
My daughter is 14 & I just took her to the GYN last week. The doc went over with her the chances of her getting pregnant are. He also showed her all the wall pictures & charts on the changes a woman's body goes through in order to carry and deliver the infant. He also shared with her the risks of various STD's and the impact each one has on her body. He even told her about the chances of a faulty condom. And finally to do the procedure of a check up down there. When she changed her mind on going through with that, he pointed out to her that perhaps she isn't ready to share her body with a boy in such a manner if she wasn't comfortable with a doctor doing doctor things. She told me a couple days later that the GYN visit really opened her eyes & mind... She's already sharing her GYN doc experience with her friends. She said they were also icked out about all of that enough to reconsider themselves. I told her that sex is a huge responsibility & if she isn't ready to take on the responsibility physically, then she damn sure isn't ready for the emotional aspects of sex.
At 14, it just takes 1 hot guy 1 night to convince her otherwise, you should get her on the pill, just in case.
good thinking ,like that one :)
You are one smart Mom!
Good ideal SilentDolphin..My mom did the same thing with me,it made me have a complete change of mind in a hurry..I said the same thing to my Mom as your Daughter did....
You're NOT having SEX yet . Now WASN'T that a NICE discussion ? ...now GO EAT YOUR DINNER :}
My shotgun will do all the talking. She will be sent to a nunnery immediately and will not be let out until she is 60 years old.
Ugh...my daughter is 11....this makes me cringe.... My husband wants to tell any boys that come around "Just remember...anything you do to my daughter, I will do to you." Think that'll work?
He could end up in jail for that!
nothing wrong with trying to put those boys in their places. I hope he delivered that comment with a quiet steely voice.
Oh that sounds like fun, I'd have kissed your daughter just to test him at that age (presuming your daughter is into 12-13yo boys)
lmao good dad :)
what being honest with them ?? thers no law against that
Tell her if her boyfriend can swim in a barrel of concrete out at sea then i am happy with that
My little Sister is 12 but she's a good bu I did tell her if she do have sex wait 8 month after you started dating no matter what, and if he really likes you he will wait.... and not. At 12 ( no offence if she's only 12 the parents are doing something wrong too, you need to instill values and moral ( religous or not, morales are always. Good), I wouldn't let her see her friends and tell why its wrong)
relocate to Africa
in Africa they have kids at 10!!
That seem way too young. However, telling her no will just make her want to go do it more so maybe making her go to the doc and get on the pill and give her ton of info on STD and pictures and stuff of what they are what they look like..graphic and info on Aids and tell her you can even get STD in your mouth and throat and butt hole maybe that scare her off for a bit..
sexually active 12 yr olds?...smthg is really wrong...i would start finding a different school for her
I'm gonna go a little against the grain here and say to discuss it with her. I'm not saying to encourage it, but have an in-depth talk with her about it and why she's wanting to do it. Ask her if she's being pressured into it by anyone.
As previously stated, freaking out and telling her she isn't allowed won't help at all. It'll just make her afraid to talk to you about anything big like this in the future.
It really is a fine line, but if she thinks she's mature enough to have sex then she should be mature enough to sit through this conversation with you (..and most of all, she should be able to keep up). Make sure she knows all the risks and possible consequences. Make sure she knows that sex doesn't equal love.
Its a different time, and kids're WAY more casual about sexual encounters than they were even when I was a preteen/teen.
If shes determined to do it, its going to happen with or without your blessing. Your job as a parent is to arm her with the knowledge required to be safe and smart about it.
I asked my husband this question and he just said "Absolutely not. Convent."
Crap. Firstly, it's awesome she is that trusting in you to tell you. Kids do crazy things, and as much as you'd like her to wait, if she really wants to, she will. Encourage safe sex, birth control and condoms or whatever, that sucks but it's preferable to disease and pregnancy.... sigh
my way of handling it.......i'd sit her down and explain sex is not for children, it's for adults and for when you really care for someone. It's not to be treated as a play thing. Just because your friends are doing it doesn't mean it's acceptable. You're not having sex at 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, or 17. After that we'll talk again.
Discuss the pros and cons with her in a controlled way. If she's a bright girl she'll soon realise there really aren't any compelling reasons to have sex at her age but there are plenty reasons it's not a good idea. Help her to arrive at that conclusion herself rather than give her the impression you want to force your views on her (which will have the opposite effect, as we all know).
chastity belt no way
Christ first I'd cry my eyes out, then I'd sit her down and try to explain why she is too young.
God it's so sad to hear her friends are
i would acknowledge her discussing the issue with me & encourage her to continue do so. i would question her motives for wanting to be active, hear her out, then educate her. i would also involve the "village": trusted family & friends that will support her remaining chaste. it would be a day in, day out discussion until she reconsiders sub coming to peer pressure.
This is an excellent question. I'm really happy to see so many positive, proactive replies. It's one of those moments which, as a father, I'm hoping I won't have to face until my daughter is older than that.
Like so many others have already said, I think 12 is too young. However, I think it's great she's asking her parents about this and not her peers. Regardless of what her friends are saying, if she's seriously considering being sexually active I will be supportive, accompany her to a Gyn and have her doctor discuss the options for not becoming pregnant. Her mother and I will talk honestly and openly about what we expect of her, ask our daughter to be VERY careful about her choices, and to never be scared to come and ask us ANYTHING about the subject. Hopefully, through all this, she will come to her senses and realize that she is too young. But if she makes the opposite decision I want her to be as prepared as possible, and to not feel like she has to be secretive about sex.
How would I handle it, we would have a long talk about what she's doing, what her friends are doing. What's she's seen and what she knows. Then we would talk about what I expect from her and what she wants to do and talk about the differences between those two paths.
I would also consider having her on birth control if I thought she was incapable of avoiding sexual experiences, because the last thing I want is a 12 year old who is pregnant.
I think your positive and proactive approach is bang-on. You aren't hiding from the question or saying flat-out "no," but taking an honest, down-to-earth approach regarding your own feelings about the subject and what your expectations of her are. No one wants (to think about) a 12-year-old being sexually active. However, I think it's far, far better to be open and accepting of her choices and actions than for her to go ahead on her own, or have her come home one day pregnant and miserable without having a clue what she was up to.