My story isn't inspirational, it's revolting and anticlimactic, there are no answers here, just depressing questions. Ignore the cliches.
Until I was 9, life was fair and just, my family was happy and we were wealthy. My father was (simply put) the head of police, he had power and money, he helped his poor village and so had a whole village of followers, worshiping him. The world was at my disposal but so was my demise.
It started with my father, we found him dead in our hotel room while on vacation, cause of death --heart attack(apparently). Now in my nation, women don't have much rights and the people are cruel and competitive so the loss of my father meant the loss of everything. I cant begin to explain how much I loved father and how much he loved me so just believe me when I say that i'd trade the world for him. Life became hard, school became priority since it was all we could afford. My clothes grew old and weary, my socks had holes and my stomach was empty but this was just the beginning. I lost my uncle, my aunt, my grandparents, my cousin in the following two years, all were dearest to me, all with their own tragic death story. Funerals became habitual, I ran out of tears soon. My best friend, my only friend moved away and I accepted that everyone I'll ever love will either die or abandon me. Another tragedy, my before nanny(male) tried to rape me, he called it a game, I was young and innocent so 'wrestled' with him, i eventually told my mother but he ran away in time and nothing could be done. My mother, under all the pressure of all this, had a mental breakdown and couldn't recognize me anymore, she went from crying her heart out to laughing hysterically, I couldn't even recognize her anymore. My brother(though I still love him) bullied me, vented on me, beat me up to a pulp almost everyday and I would cry "Why?!" I came to the point of just quitting, I put the knife to my wrist and focused, focused on it all, focused on life, on perspective, was it worth living? The blade was too blunt anyways, I'm dramatizing, though I contemplated death many times, I always hoped and knew things would get better even though they don't. Sooner than later, I grew physically strong enough to defend myself so my brother was no longer a threat but I never spoke to him anymore, we were so close once, we did everything together. Yet again, another tragedy, my other brother's in a car accident, the car's totaled and he's in the hospital but turned out to be okay however it turns out he has a drug problem. This was during my exams, my most crucial exams for university and my brother overdosed, he lost his mind, attacked everyone and the police were at my house almost everyday, it was embarrassing for they could recognize us because of my father and my brother didn't even care about my father's legacy, he just wanted to get high. I failed my exams and now can barely apply for university, my one hope to redeem myself and my family, I gave the SAT in a hurry and faulted in that too, 1700 score, not good enough. Now I'm resitting my exams which I'll likely pass but wont score enough for a good university. My life is falling apart, the only hope I had is falling apart, I have found God, I prayed to him but realistically speaking, praying isn't going to fix everything, action does so now I'm lost, I'm embarrassed and confused most of all, where is my happy ending, my intentions were pure.
Believe it or not, there is still some I leave out, some more pain and suffering, some more mistakes, I've lost myself and no one seems to have the answers for me. I guess I just wanted to tell you about my life, I just want to know what would you do if you were me, how does my life look like to you? I know its ******, it all is but give me a reason to live and a solid one, I am stubborn and think i'I've learned all of life's lesson, someone teach me something, someone tell me there's more, CONVINCE ME
TheNotSoChosenOne TheNotSoChosenOne
22-25
Jan 5, 2014