My Married Daughter Has Disowned My Husband and I

Ok here I go - My husband and I have 2 children the youngest is our son 24 and the eldest 28 she is our daughter.  Our daughter has been divorced and has a little boy that is 5. She since has remarried and has a little girl 1yr and one on the way.  Before she got married she decided not to marry but my son and I talk to her and her furture husband and told them about cold feet.  Anyways they got married.  Our son came home from the military where he had gotten into some trouble and my husband and I had helped him out and not on one occasion either.  Any ways.  After she gave birth to her second child she seemed to get distance from us.  My husband and i bought a home about 1mile away.  She said she wanted near so we could help her out at times.  We agreed finding out that she would tell her friends that she didnt want us near.  Humm! were confused.  Any how - near Easter she stated she wanted to do her own family thing.  thinking we were family we would be togher sometime during that day.  Instead our son was at her house and they had easter togher and then my daughter and her husband went his parents house.  Ok - later that evening around 6:30 we were contacted and said we could visit.  We went - well!  she held our granddaughter in herarms and the proceded to leave the room leaving feeling very uncomfortable.  After a while we just left.  I was really hurt. My daughter and her new husband wanted to be remarried in the catholic church.  My husband and I were summoned by the church to speak to the priest about her first marriage.  When we walked in the priest told us that it wasnt going to happen no matter what.  We both were shocked.  We answered all the questions asked.  After the meeting he called our daughter and told her that it was our fault that they couldnt be married in the church because or stories clashed.  Which was false it was because the Millitary Caplin who married them in her first marriage signed on the wrong line. Who knew a priest would lie.  So at that point it just got worse.  Our daughter text my husband and stated he was no longer alowed to visit.  I received a letter 1 week from mothers day stating what a crappy mother I was and how I jilted her on life and all she ever had to do was chorse and she didnt have a normal childhood.  She traveled and we spent money on her and our son - Basball, soccer, music lession, twirling, band,girlsouts, disney land and world, euro disney, Paris, Jamaca, bike riding etc.  She always had birthday parties and even if she was punished for anything she still had the opportunity to go out and have friends and have a good time.  She would tell people in school that my husband and I were getting a divorce which was never true.  She brought kids into my home where they stole things and she has lied to me about a lot of things.  But yet I supported her and bought her 1st, 3rd cars for her and I paid for 2 weddings with no help from either of her husbands.  I paid for baby pics she has most of my furniture we even helped her move and paid for the uhaul as well.  Oh yea!  I even gave her ten thousand $ for a home for her and her husband and family.  So, I am so confuse to why she would do such a thing.  I know our son has done some awful things to us but he has always repaid his dept even if it was taken the wrong way.  Our son didnt know how to get us back together.  he told us that she was reguard her in laws as her parents now.  So he got fed up so he took a check from her hoping that she would come to me and confide in me and hopeful that we would be a family again.  But, it did work out that way.  he has since then given the money back.  My husband when there the past weekend and tried to speak to her and she cried and asked if mom (me) had sent him.  he stated no which I didnt.  But, she told him that she didnt want anything to do with us and she was done with the family and that she resented us.  I am so depressed and lonely I miss her so much. She was a part of me and we shared so much.  She denies everything we once had bad, good and indiffrent.  Please help me get through this I need help all I do is cry and my heart hurts so much.

Thanks for your help in advance.

 

Garnetpaws26 Garnetpaws26
46-50
11 Responses Dec 8, 2008

I wish there was a support group for parents who's children disowned them. I feel after my daughter walking out of my life without even explaining why to me, that I have lost her, she has died, and there has been no funeral for closure. I have tried everything I know to talk to her and try to get her and my two grandchildren back in my life. The thoughts of them consume me. It's been three years and I still have not been able to regain my spirit or heart back. I have developed a social disorder where I don't want to be around anyone with kids, I don't want to let anyone love me, and prefer to be alone in my bedroom 16 hours a day. I know it is unfair to my husband and son and for all those who do love me, but I just cant overcome it. I feel as though I will never be able to find happiness again. Nothing I can buy, do, or people that love me can give me happiness. It's just gone. Thanks for allowing me to post. It hurts soooo bad!...

well I found this site for a similar pain. You wrote this years ago, you OK now?

I am feeling okay with it. If my daughter doesnt' appreciate me, if she is going to decide that the way I care about her and the questions I ask her are "abusive" she doens't need me in her life and I don't need her in my life. I certainly don't want to step on her toes. I am trying to be more independent and just keep my chin up. I've been trying in all kinds of ways to be helpful. If I only make her cry, then I don't need to be involved with her life.

I am so glad that I came across this and it gives some sense of peace knowing me and my husband are not alone. Our daughter has disowned us and gives no reason as to why other than we despise her new husband. Our daughter who we love with all our heart left home the day she turned 18 which was about 2 months ago. She moved in with my mother against our wishes all becasue we didn't like her then boyfriend who is 28 years old. He is a thug and a user and we ran a background check on him to find out he has been in prison 2 times.Once for drugs and another for writing checks on his grandmother. Our daughter had everything...a car that we bought for her. Nice clothes,a phone we paid for,ortho and anytime she needed anything we gave it even when we couldn't afford it. It mostly all started with her when she was 17 and met this creep. After we found out he is bad news,we started telling her he was no good and he would destroy her. She was and is always at his defense. She tried to move out with my mom when she was 17 and I had to call the police to get her home. Then she told me when she turned 18 she would move out and things was going to be different ! Well the day she turned 18 she moved out. My mom is all for whatever she wants and has called me horrible names and has defended my daughter and my mom has also told the police she doesn't want me at her house ! My daughter changed her cell number and about 2 weeks ago I found out she moved in with the creep and is living in an old bar that has been turned into a house and is sleeping on a blow up mattress. I also found out he has been trying to contact a drug dealer and also found out by my daughters co worker that my daughter came to work crying becasue she had gotton a text from another girl..he had been texting other girls on her cell phone. Also he takes her phone and her car and leaves her with no way to contact anyone in an emergency. My daughter has dropped out of college and I found out last week that she married him ! A neighbor of his grandmothers said she had seen him be mean to her ! The list just go's on and on. She has completely cut herself off from us. She won't call me,come by or even speak to me or her Dad when we see her out ! I too feel as though she has died and my grief and saddness consumes my every thought ! My family and kids have always meant everything to me and now one child is gone and I don't know if I will ever be able to talk to her again. She was is my baby and I miss her. I used to ride around with her and taught her how to drive. We use to just talk and laugh and now it's all gone. I feel I am being punished for something and don't know what I have done so wrong to deserve this ! I cry and can't sleep and feel so alone and the ache of just wanting to see her out somewhere is overwhelming. We tried to make her quit seeing this thug a long time ago but she would say she would kill herself and we were scared she would do it,we just hoped it would all play out and now I wish so bad we would have just took her car,phone and locked her in her room but I also know in reality it doesn't work like that. It just makes me so sad and angry that he is controlling her and taking her car we bought and picking up other girls and she doesn't seem to see whats going on. I just hope and pray he don't harm her. I feel all yalls pain. We will continue to pray for our daughter. She is so young and was so inocent. I pray he doesn't hurt her and she will see what he's doing and come home.

Wow I feel ur pain, I have a daughter I truly miss as well. She is 22 yrs old and pretty much has given up her boys to live with a married man that is 5 years younger then I am in his parents house. I too cry a whole lot, the sad thing is that there is so many of us mothers that have so many problems with our children and yet we feel like we r in isolation and are the only ones with problems.

she is married your work is done.

i really feel for you my daughter is just the same, she says that theres only her ,her husband and two children in her family unit and anyone else she dosent care about,like you we have always been there for her, but her husband hates us he likes to have control over her now i feel as though we have lost her forever and we are not allowed to see the gran kids im heartbroken

My daughter is cruel. I read all night about other people's stories, so we are out there moms. She has decided I was abusive and never cared about her. She decided this remarkably when she was 13 and started sleeping around looking to fill the empty place in her heart. Found all the old diaries where she slept with this one and that one, got rejected (of course because she was the easy girl and what's a young teenage boy going to do, marry you?) If she's putting out, they took. All the while she was snarling and cold to me. I mean snarling like a rattlesnake - I went to see her run track and she gave me the finger as she rounded the bend, in front of everyone. Then complained after that I didn't go to her events. I would just wait for her to flip me off and it was too hard. Telling me lie after lie about social nights at churches and houses where the parents were definitely going to be there. OK, she's 13, that's her job. But then she found some loser on the internet (that's probably why she hates me - she knows I believe she can do better - scapegoating me as an excuse for her own horrible choices every day).

I found this article online and it is almost identical to what our daughter has done to us. Her motherinlaw adivsed her that "If you're going to be in this family, it's going to be our way". They were abusive to our daughter, telling her that if she were married to their son, that she would not have access to his paycheck, but that she could 'keep her little paycheck for makeup'. Our daughter is a professional, an RN, but obviously with low self-esteem to accept this abuse. She left him once, but then went back and the rest is history. They also advised their other son's wife that she too would be obligated to do things 'their way'. I don't understand the fear of these 2 young professional women. Our daughter is educated, bright, physically attractive and could certainly find a kind and loving man who would cherish her. Obviously the two sons are spineless to tolerate the abuse of the mother to both themselves and their wives. We love our daughter and grandaughter and have been devasted by this. It is as if they both died, and the grief has been overwhelming.

Sorry to hear of your situation. It is so sad and undeserved. I agree with the previous statement-pray she changes her cruel ways. Payback can be hard - maybe one of her kids will disown her, how would she like that? I pray for you to be strong.

i am so sorry to hear this. i had the same experience with my daughter and theirs nothing you can do about it except pray about it and get support from other parents.she made the choice and will have to live with it.you only can control yourself. someday she may grow up and realize shes wrong to act this way. she needs to grow up and dixcuss this with you. sometimes they forget we are human.also i think when we give them to much they end up resenting us.i will pray for her to see the light of how important family is.

My God I feel your pain. I have 2 sons that have disowned me and I KNOW your pain!! It is with me everyday , although some days are worse than others. They have NO idea of the pain they inflict on us do they?<br />
I think the more we GIVE our children , the more they TAKE. I know mine have taken my self esteem, self worth and my heart.....it's all destroyed...and it is the hardest thing I've ever had to do to gain it back.<br />
All I can tell you is that you are not ALONE, I'm sure there are millions of us out there. Hang in there? I know I try, but it is damn near impossible at times!