A Loving Survivor

I was a clumsy young girl, having been monitored by doctors since birth due to thyroid issues and delayed development. Doctors determined that my hand-eye coordination were behind most children my age.  I recall being laughed at by other kids in gym  class for not being able to catch a ball or play dodge ball.  I was called "retarded" and this label stuck through middle school.  I couldn't escape the torment, even during through my Catholic Confirmation preparation classes.  There seemed to be no place for me amongst my schoolmates or in my home life.  My mother dated a man for 14 years, and his daughter was a bully to me as well.  She made sure to find ways to turn one of my dearest friends against me on a vacation to Corpus Christi.  This girl did not get punished for her behavior, and I had to endure further feelings of pain as my mother continued to date this man until 1997.  There were times in my 9th grade year that I did contemplate what it would be like if I weren't around.  I wanted to disappear.  I think going to college saved me.  I became a teacher in 1998, and that is where I had to start addressing the flashbacks of being bullied.  In 2003, I left teaching and started going through therapy.  The doctors diagnosed me as having PTSD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  Throughout my teaching career, I ran from myself and hid in drinking, partying, and sex with different men.  PTSD tore me up from the inside out.  And the friends I was acquainted myself with were no better than my previous tormentors.  When I quit teaching and went through treatment for PTSD, my "friends" abandoned me.  I was angry and lonely.  I then started over, having moved in with my wonderful sister, who gave me a chance to start over fresh.  That was 2004.  Now, almost 7 years later, I am a proud employee of the State of Texas.  I see a wonderful Christian therapist, who has helped me get past the remnants of PTSD and see through to the other side. I have learned to forgive my tormentors and I feel stronger for it!  I am on a great SNRI, and my therapist has stated that I am  in remission from the PTSD.  I am here to say to survivors of bullying and PTSD, there is a bright lining under the clouds, and you CAN make it!! Though I do struggle with a little anxiety, I am not haunted by my demons or the anger that used to really make my life nightmarish.  Faith in God and true forgiveness are possible, and you are WORTH IT!!  God loves you, and so do I!!
sylplath2 sylplath2
36-40, F
1 Response Aug 13, 2011

so sorry<br />
<br />
we were bully as kids to my wife was even raped by older boys and no one but her family cared<br />
<br />
but a few years later she ran into the boys at a high school swim meet we had to leave the meet but it was ok the leader of the boys would never have children and his pretty face was messed up and his friend even had it worst he was beat up by a yould lady carrying a child and she cleaned his clock but good