I'm Done.

I am sick of feeling worthless. I am sick of feeling ashamed of who i am. I like to be different, i like colored hair, tattoos, and piercings. I guess it's my fault for standing out. But isn't that what life is about? being yourself and being unique? I think so. I can't pretend it does't hurt anymore. I'm sick of saying i'm fine, i'm sick of everybody hating me. I'm a senior in high school, i haven't been to a regular school since i was in 7th grade. I've been bullied since i was in 2nd grade. I honestly can not remember a time when i went to school and actually enjoyed it. That was until this year. I started a normal high school, it started off great but my supposed best-friend turned on me. And now, it's back to the same old ****. People hating me, getting threatened, named called, and hated. All for what? what's the reason? what's my plan for life? I've been a strong believer in you know, "everything happens for a reason" but why? why always me? I have gone through sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and psychical abuse. and yet i have managed to graduate high school a year early, have plans to get my phd in Psychology. their are so many things in life that i want to experiences but i'm terrified i won't get the opportunity to. Because i'm not sure how long i can go on living like this. i don't want to live my life in fear. but that's what i'm doing while i'm at school. i'm afraid. i'm terrified. I just want to run. I want to end my life. I've thought about it, i really have. but i can never bring myself to actually follow through with it. i was in 5th grade getting jumped by literally 20 people, they were in a circle taking turns hitting me. They used to throw food at me at lunch, their was so many horrific things that has been done to me at school. All i want is an education. I just want to better myself, do something with my life. But these bullys are making it impossible for me to do so. I don't give up, i have come way to far to give up. but i can't take 5 more months of this abuse. I can't, and i will not. I have no friends at school now, i'm at a loss.
staystrongglitter staystrongglitter
18-21
2 Responses Dec 5, 2012

I will hope you did graduate. To me that was the ultimate slap into the school systems face and the bullies was that I got what I wanted and that was my diploma.

w.o.w you have obviously gone throught alot in your lifetime
sometimes you just want to give up..right?
you just feel like things wont ever get better
but someone told me to tell you that you are loved

i understand that you like to be different...but showing it doesnt mean you need tattoos,peircings, etc
be different in a different way
all those things would probably turn me off
i would be like stay away

this is all i can tell you: enjoy every minute, every second of this life because one day it will disappear
we all hate school but LIFE IS JUST SO DANG SHORT!
some people wish not wait... DREAM to go to school
forget the other kids and what they do and say (I know it will be hard)
CMON FIVE MONTHS LEFT ENDURE!
P.S reply if u want more help i'll pray for u