I'm Still Here

It start pretty much from the beginning with ostracizing, being framed for damaging school property and escalated into being tormented every recess and assaulted on the return  home.

By age 10 I was dead from the inside dreaming of being released from the torment through death trying to stage traffic accidents to put a end to it all.

High school was a bit better but I still felt could ever 'be' with one never mind be myself. I the end it all got too with other issues as well  much and I had a nervous breakdown.

CarolineBelinda CarolineBelinda
36-40, F
3 Responses Oct 23, 2009

I did get some counselling but found it worked out better to talk though people with similar situations following up with learning more about how much say I can give people over me so I'd know better how not to make the same mistakes again.

rickibrat2, you have taken over belinda's story. Why not take it off this thread and put it on as your own story so that people can answer you on your experience thread and belinda on hers. It would be less confusing that way.<br />
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Hi belinda, this sounds like serious bullying and the fact that you though of suicide at 10 is very serious indeed. Have you talked to anyone about this? apart from here I mean? Have you had any sort of counselling after your breakdown? If not, perhaps you should suggest this to the people who are helping you. (Tell me someone is helping you.)<br />
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All the best to you. You sound like a real survivor. I am not sure that I could have come through that much trauma at so young an age.

IT HAS AN EFFECT ON MANY KIDS HOW WE ARE TREATED BY OTHERS<br />
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i was bullied picked on and called name till about the 7th grade. about 2 years before that i was looking to make some money and saw a sign for some one to pick strwaberrys and when ask fior the job he told me i was to young but for smoereason paid me to cut his greass and we became friends, you see he was also an out sider many still had feeling about ww2.<br />
and he became a good teacher and i think was trying to pass on to me the many thing he knew but as a younf kid i did not uns=derstand what he was trying to teach me.<br />
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he did teaqch me to protect my self and he gave me and a few friends a safe place to play away from the bullies as he would chase them off with a pitch fork if he found them calling us names.<br />
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we remaind friends for a long time, one iof the best gifts i was ever given was exceptance from an adult for something i had no control over.<br />
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i would love to go back in time and learn what he was trying to teach me better, you see it turns out he was weapons master in an old art the bowie knife i watched him make for many night while we talked about honor and death<br />
severed me well for a long time in viet nam what he taught me has given me a better understanding of life and how it effects many others<br />
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you see i was the kid in class that always had wet pants and wore diapers<br />
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but by 7th grade the bullies had lost interest in trying to pick on the school baby as he sent them packing every timeand it was reallyhard to get excpetance with the other in his group if he could not bully me and that soon spread to my few friends i had in school<br />
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onlt a few times after that wasi or my friends given a bad time by that group once was in my jr year the school was taking kids from another area adn this kid was sit up to pick on me one am and told me he wanted my lunch money or else i could see the other in the back ground with a big grim on there faces then see it turn to fear as this big line backer stood there with a broken arm from trying to take my stuff<br />
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we did become friends after that a few weeks later of course the foot ball coach was not happy with me but that was the 2nd time i had ruined his plans for a foot ball team