Unequally Yoked

I am a christian and their is nothing I look forward to more than the times with my wife of passion and intimacy . We dated in high school and have been married for 31 years sense . She has let her hair keep it's natural gray and not the skinny girl I first dated , but I think she is just as beautiful and exciting as ever . " Rejoice with the wife of your youth " Prov. 5:18
The problem I deal with , is we are unequally yoked on frequency of romance . Every night wouldn't be to much for me ,but once or twice a month is our norm , and now it better than it use to be . She shows more affection. , even though it doesn't go as I would like , I don't feel like I am taken for granted as much . It use to be less .Sometimes two months between on some occasions . We use to fight about it , but that would just add stress and make it worse and resentful . The moments we share are special and intoxicating . In the time of lack , I have had problems with my mind staying faithful to our marriage . Unbridled thoughts and surfing the net , almost ending our marriage . She didn't understand how I could sink so low . If a spouse feels deprived of sex , then the Devil takes advantage ( 1Ch 7:2 -5 ) I never stopped loving her . It started as a little risque and I ended up a deviant . God tried to turn me in the other direction , but I refused to listen .After about four years of playing online , my wife uncovered the truth . She was hurt the same as if I had a mistress . I didn't think of it as bad at the time , but it did the same damage to her . My marriage survived ,but Intimacy and trust is not the same , but slowly rebuilding . Things are different . In some ways better . My sin separated my relationship with God and my wife . I am rebuilding my marriage and am much closer to God . I encourage my wife to feel free to snoop on my history and look over my shoulder when I am online . It gives her peace and gives me strength to keep straight . Some of you may be where I was and just loose hope . I use to say that ," cyber play and taking matters into my own hands was keeping my marriage together , because if not we would fight all the time , if I didn't ." That was a lie from hell . She asked for a divorce , but I refused . She felt Matt 5:28 gave her the biblical right ( Matt 19:9 ) I don't think that is right any more than we should pluck out our eye if we do , in verse 29 . Matt 19:9 gives the only reason to divorce is sexual immorality . The definition , in the Greek , does not include withholding sex from your spouse . I can understand not being able to tolerate the neglect and if a spouse doesn't fulfill their duty ,then they are missing it , but we still don't have a biblical right to divorce . For those of us , who love sex and married to someone who is apathetic , it is hard and hard to stay right with God . Many preachers stay away from this subject of neglect and self gratification is viewed as sin . Seek bible truths for yourself , not just traditional rules past down . That is another long topic . I try to live by 1 Ch 13:4 -8 , especially the first part . " Love is patient and kind "
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7 Responses Jan 9, 2013

I read the rest if it, your wife has serious problems and is missing out on a loving marriage. Have her read the thread about "I put my man first" and such

You don't think depriving your spouse of sex is a firm of sexual sin/pornea?
I disagree sir!
The Word commands "Do not deprive one another"
So if you deprive your spouse, you are sinning sexually.

Your wife needs to read the dominant / submissive posts on here about sexuality and relationship.
She's destroying her marriage and making her own life and yours lackluster and miserable.

Paul was clear in I think 1 Corinthians about not holding back from your spouse. The reason being what you are going through.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 ESV

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

its pretty clear!!!

The devil will do anything to attack a marriage, and tempting one to stray because of lack of intimacy is an easy one. I have not gone outside my marriage physically, but I struggle with my thoughts daily. I find myself checking out other men when I'm out somewhere or even flirting. Then I feel guilty. It sucks.

Whether they see it or not doesnt make it any less true ...they are a huge part of us being tempted to look elsewhere. I to had an opportunity to fall heart mind and body for the husband of my closest friend. It never happened....not out of respect for my h but because i didnt want to hurt my friend. There have been times i regretted saying no....but today im glad i can say i have never stepped out physically on my h. One can never know the what ifs to making that choice but im sure it leads to destruction in one form or another.

The course of lives would definately have been changed. The what ifs have haunted me in tough times. In the best times i am pleased with my choice. Guess that is rhe norm in situations like ours.


Withholding sex from a spouse and causing them to suffer temptation along with neglect and rejection is just as big if a sin as "playing" on the internet! Sin is sin. What the hell do these refusers think is going to happen in their marriages? They hold as much responsability for the indescretion and marriage as well.

I am glad my refuser took me seriously after 30 yrs and im glad your marriage is better. Neither my h or your wife are complete innocents in the lives they have...we are ALL victims due to their neglect. Praying our futures stay bright.

Matthew 5:28 It seems that any attempt to cope in a sexless marriage results in sin. How should the lonely spouse cope? All help is appreciated

Wow! I don't know what to say when I was in this dilemma nothing seemed to help the hurt frustration and helplessness. Christian women and a husband that Only had sex with me 12 times total...After 18 years I had to divorce him.....suspicious of his disappearing acts I couldn't get the 100% proof I needed to prove that their was someone else..I vowed I want going to be the victim. I vowed I wasn't going to let being neglected change me....,Well it did, I don't know how to move forward some promiscuous sex and now a very loving Christian boyfriend but I am afraid to commit, we traditional living on separate homes.....I am afraid the sex won't ever quench my desires..I don't even know how to raise my girls now. I feel like by doing it correctly waiting for marriage for sex backfired on me......oh and btw the ex lives with a man now "but it's just to save gas money lol". Yeah right....