You Think You Have It Bad, Read My Story, And Count Your Blessings.

My story doesnt start with the felony, just leads to the point to where I couldnt do anything with my life. it starts the moment I was born. Child hood? didnt have one, was beaten most of the time when I was younger, and bounced around to different foster homes, got into alot of fights an what not, my mother and father were in my life, but my mother was a kid herself, and didnt grow up until later, my father didnt even want kids, so wasnt around that much. thats my childhood in a nutshell. teenage years were the same pretty much, foster homes, mass amounts of mental anguish. but lets cut to the chase, I started to get older and want to better my life, and achieve all I could. I idolized people who over came all odds, who stood up, and with unbeatable courage and will, became self established heros, I read books, and studied authors like dave pelzer, who lived in situations that in some ways, were worse then mine, and began to learn from them, because I myself had no direction in life. At that point in time I had a MASSIVE juvenile criminal record, and all the cops and judges knew me by name, and I heard that once you turn 18 it all gets wiped clean, fresh start, new life, sealed. So at that moment I decided to put it all behind me, my mother and father abandoned me, so I stayed with my grandparents, who were the only ones in my life who were kind to me. I was 17 years old, had friends, had a family, and was loving life, for me it could not get any better. For the first time in life I felt normal and loved. I was excelling in school, I had a beautiful girlfriend, and was a pretty cool guy, but I got into having too much fun, started to go to parties and ended up smoking some weed and liked it, so I bought a bag because at the time I had a good job, and It was always fun to smoke with people at the time. Turns out this wasnt a good idea, because eventually my grandparents found out about it and disowned me, believe me if I knew that my life was going to go to hell for smoking weed I would have stopped, but thats what being young and stupid is. So to make this long story shorter, I ended up with my mother again, same ****, fell into a deep depression/self hatred for what i had done, and started a lovely path of self destruction, started smoking more, started drinking, experimenting with drugs, testing the limits not careing if I died or not, but kinda hoped i did, so cutting to the chase once again, I was at a party one day, someone took my weed out of my jacket when i wasnt looking, found them the next day or so, scared the **** out of em to teach them a lesson. Never hurt anyone, never even touched anyone lol, all I did was ask for his wallet, he gave it to me and i left, end of story. well he went to the police told them quite the story and next thing i know im sitting in a jail cell looking at some big numbers for an F1 aggravated robbery lol. yeah wasnt funny, but hey the jokes on me because I was stupid enough to give a **** about a dumb bag of weed that I easily replaced anyways. So there I was, sitting there in the downtown hardcore jail, at the age of 17 (I was trialed as an adult) yeah it turns out small towns are more strict, I'm sure it didnt help that i had a large juvenile rap sheet, so they probably made an example out of me, whatever, the lawyer did the best he could though, got it reduced to an F3. but yeah it turns out that when juveniles get trialed as an adult they are put in down town segregated from the adults until they turn 18. well lucky for me I recently turned 17 so I rotted in that ***** for almost a year, after that I went to C.R.C (a pre-prison station) then prison. best part is I was lookin at 1 to 5 did two years got out on parole, considering the charge, the judge took my age into consideration and offered a bargain, I took it, I was ****** anyways. As far as prison was concerned I was pretty lucky, never got raped, was never stabbed either, just got my *** kicked alot until I learned how **** worked, then after I gained weight and about 30 pounds of muscle It didnt happen much. got tatted up and became a real criminal, by the time I was comfortable it was time for me to go. Prison ****** me up a little bit mentally, but after a while I returned to normal because I didnt serve that much time, so the crazy eventually went away, In some ways I'm still institutionalized, but at least I'm not ready to fight anyone who looks at me anymore. This is the best part, turns out you cant get a job with a violent felony on your record. I was 20 years old or so when I got out of prison, I tried to go to college but wasn't educated enough to handle it, I got my G.E.D in prison, other then that I only made it to my jr. year in highschool. So I failed there, I was homeless and lived on the streets working off of craigslist and a temp agency for money to survive, but then the temp agency found out i had the felony on my record and fired me, so then I was ****** pretty big because that was all i had, I was living in my car homeless for a while, managed to get a DUI with it, was terrible until a canadian guy hired me off of craigs list and we got to talking and I eventually told him my story, he felt bad for me and offered me a place to stay in his building, in exchange I would work for him and I would get commission, I was extremely grateful and took the offer immediately. I dont know if any of you have been homeless but it sucks, starvation sucks too, but thank god for soup kitchens. so here I am now, I'm 22 about to turn 23 in august, in this apt., gotta say its much better, I could use some food but other then that I couldnt complain, I tried to get jobs around here but again, my felony keeps me from doing that, so I just sit and wait for my boss to call me with some work, I havent heard from him in a month, so Im a little hungry but nothing i cant deal with, I wrecked my car on some black ice and totalled it, so theres that, I just kind of look at my life and everything I have been through, and I'm totally lost. Tonight I decided to write this because I think my life is ******. And I think I will spend my life struggling to survive, living a life of loneliness and regret, and I'm hoping there is an answer out there somewhere, somehow, so I can live without suffering too much at least. I have lost so much to my mistakes. It cost me my family, my friends, my education, the woman I loved, and in the end, my life. I have hopes and dreams, I am a good person, I dont do drugs, and I try to be the best I can. Is this really how its going to be?
mellowmusician mellowmusician
22-25, M
9 Responses Feb 21, 2012

I hope I am not too late to add to this thread. I will start by saying I am a retired teacher and a felon. I, too grew up as an underdog in the Appalachian Mountains. My parents were caring , but money was hard, and I began an academic plan for myself in high school, made nothing but straight A's and went to college on a scholarship. Throughout my young life was always conservative, never wanting to try anything risky and staying with my mom until she died of cancer when I was 25. I then met my husband, who I felt was a gift from God for me taking care of my parents. He was almost 20 years older than me and the only person I seriously dated. I admired his intelligence and success and felt flattered that he could be interested in anyone like me. I dated him for 5 years and could not jump high enough for anything he asked. I didn't like myself and would always bring him a gift when I visited, and I taught in a poor area and constantly tried to hide any financial hardship I had from him. He was wealthy and I felt all I had to offer was what I could give him. There were many days I would eat noodles just to have the gas to come. I guess the problem started there. I did not want him to know that I had any problems and got some stupid credit cards thinking I would eventually get enough raises to pay them off. It just got bigger and bigger. I began to sell online as a hobby because he went to auctions all of the time. I started back when you could sell anything and did well. I started buying him vintage cars with the money. He would get and lose interest in, and be waiting for the next. I just couldn't disappoint him. When the prices dropped, he just kept expecting that I could make the money and I tried to be confident, but I was a fool. I thought I could estimate the prices of what I sold, but I was often and was stretching money to try to buy the items for resale. I never kept any of the stuff for myself. I deliberately bounced and would cover them with the quick sale of the merchandise. But then that started to fall too. I comingled his money with mine to cover some of this stuff, reasoning in my mind that it was going to buy expensive things he wanted anyway. I could not tell him I was short in funds. That would be like failing in front of him and I hid that I did this thinking I would eventually prevail, but being said and done the sales of many of the items I bought, the bottom fell out of the market and I was stuck with a huge deficit with him. I kited checks. Banks closed my accounts. I couldn't deal with this huge mistake I made and I began to drink at 49 to deal with guilt and worry. Then i got out and drove that way. Got 2 DUIS in one day and one was on the Parkway, a federal offense. I just drank from the worry. The word got out about the DUI in my school system and was a Department Chair. Needless to say, I got my notice, but me being on my 30th year, they changed the suspension to sick leave and I was able to use my sick days to get the full 30 years. I was horrified at what I had become - a deceptive drunk. I never took any of the things for myself or drank for pleasure, but in the short length of time I did it, I realized that I could not stop and that I was an alcoholic. My husband couldn't forgive the DUI or me being fired and began to verbally and physically abuse my calling me a liar and a drunk and grabbing my hair, blacking my eyes and yanking me around to check my breath. He never forgave me for any mistake I made and would constantly grab at me and try to fight. I began to drink again and he called the police and accused me of assault and battery and would get protective orders and lure me back only only to charge with violating the protective order.I got charged by him with 3 violations of protective orders and 3 assault and batteries. I had a young lawyer who afraid to fight and encouraged me to take a plea of 2 charges each. I didn't want to do this, but he said if I took it, it would be a misdemeanor. I had to sit in jail for a month and half over the holidays waiting for the trial. He wouldn't pay a hundred dollars to bond me out, and my family is dead and I was too ashamed to ask my friends. It was a horrible rough dirty place. Then after the trial I went home with him. I spent every thing I had to live there and it was all I knew. He started. He went and filed an emergency commital order on me. I was terrified. I drank and drove again to try to get away and had to sit in jail for 3 1/2 more months. I then changed lawyers and the police wanted to know why he always walked away and they kept bring me to jail. The lawyer wanted me to file a malicious prosecution case against him, but I wouldn't do it or file any warrant against. When I got out, I had to get a process server to come with me to get my dog and I went to live in a dangerous hotel that would take animals. I took nothing else with me, had no way to get around, and this place was so awful. There drugs and prostitution. It was still better than jail and home. But then he started asking to come back. I did and he is already trying to build another case against me. I am afraid if I stay he will do it and if I leave, he will do it. Any thoughts?

I wil pray for you my son. My son going through something similar, he need a place to stay, but to being charged as sex offender, he can't live with us due to having his brothers and sister here. He was accused of something that happen when he was 14yo but charge at 17

thanks for writing. i am 58, 20 years after my non violent felony (federal), and our stories are similar mainly in the way ALL felons are: we cannot easily if ever get a decent job, rehabilitated or not. a lot of us find better prospects in crime, or so we think; hope in dope. this is the justice systems on going crime. i think you will be a better person in 20 years time; will you have a better job? hope so. for me, a former physicians assistant, i just have a paper route. good luck.

Hold your head up and realize that you are blessed because you are still alive and that your life has purpose. Your storm shall pass.

What a tough story. I know that you have had a very tough time. It is difficult when life makes you continue to suffer for something that you have already paid for. I know that people don't even want to think of hiring you because of your past but here is a thought. I think the best way to go forward is to work for yourself. I am also a 6 time felon and I will tell you what i did to get a fresh start. I started washing cars i got a bucket, car soap and posted flyers in every place i could think of. Then i went to homes and washed cars. I worked my butt off. At first it didn't pay much. But then i got word of mouth busisness and eventually ended up washing for a dealership for not great money. But decent money. I can now do an honest days work and have found pleasure in a simple life. I wish you the best of luck. Perhaps you may be able to help someone in the future. You can make a difference. Don't give up.

Wow! You've had some rough experiences, but you seem like a very sweet guy! There's not much I could do for money & I live with my parents, but just believe in god to help you!

If everyone unites, felons can obtain freedom. There should be new laws.....This is discrimination. The law passed sentence, why do we have to continue to be sentenced outside of the court. We are pieces of crap? No we are God's children, and someone has to help. If we had a candidate for senate that changed the "felons are forever" does he or she realize how many votes he would get! Funny thing is the arresting officer's relative, had a similar case that didn't reach the courts.

if there ever is such a case, I'll be there to fight for it. It's not fair that we suffer forever because of a few mistakes.

Let's make our voices be heard. If anyone knows how, or someone who can lead us please help....we are tossed aside, Laws can be changed.Look at that 17yr old Trevon who was shot & killed, the power of the people will change the law. Any publications, petitions, anyone knows politians, or media. SHOUT!
We need to be heard, and NOW!

yeah i am gonna agree w all the positive messages you are getting, although i have no belief or regard for god in these situations. you are young: a major plus. any situations/organizations that isreal123 mentions i would really be interested in. seems odd that a country w such a high incarceration rate would not have some sort of lobby. peace.

word. giving up isnt something I can do, worst case scenario I'll struggle till I die, but I'm still pretty young so I'm hoping I can find my place in life still.

I'm crossing my fingers for ya.

Keep your head up. You have gotten thru so much. Just keep pushing forward. I know it's easier said than done but if you give up you will never know what direction your life could go in.