Never Forgave Myself...

Ever since I was brought into my family, I never forgave myself... When I was a year old, my mom was shot. It was my fault that she got shot. I'm ashamed and never forgave myself for that. I know I was only a baby, but it was my fault. My mom and I were outside and I happened to walk off like every baby did when they saw something that attracted them. My mom called for me, but I kept going. Next thing I knew there were gun shots, and people screaming. My mom was on the ground. My mom was in coma for the longest! I don't remember how long, but it was long! I believe a little over a year almost two. Still today when I go through our family photo albums, I see the pictures of my mom in the hospital and it brings so much bad memories back. I hate myself each time I see those pictures... I have a bad habit of looking at that album... I know it's all in the past, but it's my mom. Everyone deserves a mom in their life, and by that I mean a biological mom, not a foster or step mom. I'm proud to say that my mom survived that pulled through. I know she hates me at some points, but it's ok, I deserve it. I know I was a pain in her rear at one point, but I know she'll always love me because I'm her kid. I thank you for reading this. Sorry if there were some wordy sentences or unclear sentences. I'm not the best writer, I'm just trynna tell my story.
RiseAboveHATE RiseAboveHATE
18-21, F
1 Response Nov 11, 2012

RiseAboveHATE, thanks for the story, i am sorry for what happened to your mom, is not your fault, am sure your mom loves you with all her heart. She does not hate you, no reason for that and a mother never hates her kids no matter what, believe me i have 3 sons and 1 daughter ages 32,30,28,25 when they were teenagers rebels,they sometimes called me bad names,bad words yes that made me sad but i never stop loving them, i never ever hated them. today they are good children and parents too. am a 55 year old woman and yes with the menoupause comes depression and thinkin in the past and feeling guilty for everything but you are a young woman go and kiss and hug your mom talk to her,and give thanks to God that you have your mother my mother died when i was 10 years old. I had a hard life after that but that is another story, i have many stories in my life,well do not waste your time , go be close to your mom, she needs you.