I am a gay guy and have been gay all my life. I have been with women and it just doesn't seem to do anything for me, and don't think or say, "just not the right one". I love guys in all forms and fashions, so with that being said and in truth, I am a gay guy in a straight world. I always have been and have no problem with all my friends, family, and co workers knowing, but do they understand me? I feel that most the time they are being polite, generous and kind, but also the token gay guy in most circumstances. No one makes fun of me, or is even mean to me, in fact they seem to be quite the opposite. Most the guys I have been with are either married, trying the gay thing out, or (and you will love this) I am gay only for you! So now I ask myself, is all this what everyone else goes through, being a gay guy without gay friends or a gay social life? I wish I knew, because when I do meet gay people, most just want a relationship, roll in the hay, or just not their type. I now have online gay friends and its a little better, I have 4 or 5 that are just friends. Hope this doesn't come across as a rant....
Rederig Rederig
61-65, M
1 Response Feb 26, 2014

Somewhat related to "I'm only gay for you, or just trying gay out ", is the "I totally like you, but I'm really straight dude, so don't tell any body we had sex". Many if not most gays really only care about looking fashionably current and having an entertaining lifestyle with abundant sex. Your past occupational choices suggest you are too serious and meaningful to mesh well with a typical gay man . Nothing puts a damper on a gay fluff and **** factory like a saint in the **********. I think it's better to just focus on meaningful relationships with all kinds of people and try to get past noticing if they are gay, straight, black, etc., but rather ask why we have the urges and motivations that drive us, and what emotional needs those behaviors fulfill. I don't think there really is such a thing as "a gay man", but rather for some reason we experience gay sexual feelings that many others don't, or experience to much lesser degrees, or the feelings express in different cultural ways for others like male bonding or initiation rights. We experience a variant from the usual heterosexual feelings, but I don't think that we should feel compelled to define ourselves by those urges, or center our whole lives around meeting gay erotic urges.