April 17th 2012 , 12:13 Am

Today I hung out all day in bed..a couple of drop in's on line but nothing came to my mind to write about. I want to write like I once wrote. I am very good at writing letters so that's why I write today, this is my letter to my little girl who was shot and killed in Dec 2002, The police have done nothing that I know of . The detectives said it wasn't not something they would talk to me about.
At no time in my life have I felt like I had a protector, no one that looked after me. This is the reason I am as strong a woman as I can be.This was Tambra's delima as well. We both shared our faith , Christians , we both lived incredibile lives. We were seperated for the most part of her life , we might have shared a straight 5 years out of 43 years she lived. She was all over the place as was I . We lived for awhile close to one another in Colorado Springs and I pushed her away because of her criminal behavior. I was so angry that she would use herion and whatever else and rob storage units. She came to my house to give me some things and I told her to get away from me, I accused her of bringing me stolen goods. I regret that day now. I wish to God I knew then what I know now. Inwasn't there as a protector as I should have been but at the tiem I hadn't learned what this thing called a protector was. I had no role model's. A woman once told me I don't know what it is to raise a child , when I myself had never experienced it in my family.
This letter I write to my girl Tambra whom I love with all my heart. She wishes to tell you guys something , I shall attempt to pass it alone in hopes I can maintain her memory.

My daughter , I think of you everyday. I reget my lack of involvement in your life, I can only pray you hear me now and you can forgive me. I was a child of 13 when I was carrying you and I was like an injured animal. And I was expected to raise you, please understand , I was injured and afraid . I didn't know how to be a Mother, a Parent, I had never really felt love before I don't think. Not the kind of love you Tambra deserved. I am so sorrry babe.
MsOracle MsOracle
70+, F
Apr 17, 2012