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Lost It All!

I left a twenty year loveless marriage and found my true love! My two daughters and his three became a family. After only seven years, Aug 2009 i found out i was stage 4 endometrial cancer spread to kidney bladder stomach spin and lung. in Sept 2009 my beloved husband found out he had stag 4  lung cancer spread to the spin and brain! Two of are daughters are grown and left the nest a while back.  but my youngest was 13 and the only father she knew was her step dad. She is autistic and and has lupus.We had his 15 yr old and 17 yr old at home too. his daughter lost their mother to Brest cancer years be for. so these girls really were mine! So we made plans to dye together.What to do with the kids. i sold my business.the kids were going to an aunt on their mothers side and my daughter would go to her best friends family.  my husband dyed Jan2010. he went through chemo and radiation his last days were a night mare! he was put through unbelievable torment. I opted for natural remedies surgical removal of the cancer and internal radiation. I checked myself out of the hospital against medical advice twice so i could spend every minute i could with my husband. I slept in chairs beside his bed at every hospital and finally at the hospice. even when he was comatose i was there the morning he died i was sitting next to him actually telling him it was OK to dye by then he had no chance for anything but a life in a coma. it was as if he knew he just stopped breathing i kissed him good bye stayed and held his hand until it was cold then i went home to tell our kids. by February i was told great news u will live 5 to 8 more years! i was devastated i planned to dye to b with my husband! now i have to stay here! my husbands daughters left me went to their aunts far far away. I have no money my home was for closed and i sold my business i have no income. my 13 yr old still needed a mother. i just was stunned. I am ashamed to say i didn't give my daughter what she needed so she got attention from a boy friend from school. by may i was ready to crawl out of bed and try to get back into the world it was agonizing just to go to the grocery store. i had many many surgeries. i got disability set up for my daughter and myself. I rented a town house! it is right across the street from my 20 yr old daughter she is learning disabled and lives with her father, my ex but we  remained Friends for our kids. even though he really hasn't seen my youngest much over the years, he couldn't deal with the autism. so moved my 13 yr old daughter away from bad influences. in July my sister called said her boyfriend was beating her and her and her 20 yr old son needed a place to stay. it wasn't an easy decision to let her come but i did and it was difficult from the start we have always had a strained relationship. but i was desperate to have a house full of family! it was crazy, her son smoked pot and shared with my daughters my sister didn't like anything i did. finally she moved into a townhouse a few doors down. but now she wanted to take my 13 yr old with her all she really  wanted was her disability checks! but a 13 yr old autistic child is easily manipulated! in august i had a blacked out fell and cracked open the back of my head. my sister took me to the er were i tested for ghb a date rape drug! 2 days later i was asleep in bed and woke to find 7 police my sister let in my home she said i was suicidal, i was not!!! I was put in the hospital on psyc hold my sister took my cell phone and call everyone on it to tell them i was locked for going crazy! my husbands family really didn't need that. my two step daughters are no longer allowed to contact me!!!!!!!!!!! she called everyone i work with everyone i know!!!!!!!!!! thankfully most everyone that knows me knew this was untrue!!! it took a week to prove her wrong and get home  when i did i found my sister moved my daughter in with her. a few days later i told them by the weekend my daughter needed to move back home the next day she call child protective services! I was so desperate to keep my daughter away from my sister i sent her to a boarding school across the country in the east. So i have spent several months dealing with this i am now clear of all charges.. My nephew told my disabled 20 yr old daughter that i was going to b locked up and her dad was going to dye and he and his mother would never take her in and she b on the streets she is still having nightmares about it! my 13 yr old is in boarding school and i am alone wonder why God put all this on me!!!!!!! i am so angry that my husbands is gone and so hurt my sister ruined what little family i do have. i just want to get strong and help my two disabled daughters get independent to be able to support themselves and be strong because u just never know what will happen next in this crazy insane world!!!!!!!!!!!




 

BBurns BBurns 41-45, F 7 Responses Apr 23, 2010

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BBurns, I will pray for you and your children. You have carried so much and suffered so much. I pray for God's mercy and strength for you.

Everyone who reads this will pray for you, regardless of their religious beliefs. God Bless You and Your Children.

My heart just breaks for you. Please write to me about anything you want to talk about. I lost my precious Husband on Nov. 24, 2004 from his Dr. DELIBERATELY taking his life. I have two grown Daughters, one Stepson and 3 Grandchildren that I love with all my heart. But I too feel like everyone has a life, but I'm not sure what mine is anymore.<br />
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I will pray that you will not be evicted and that your children will come back closer to you very soon.<br />
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God Bless You

I know how you feel, I also left a loveless 10 year marriage and found my soul mate, we were so happy and I already had three children and he didn't have any, He loved my children just like his own, and treated them just like his own, about a month in a half after we got married, I got pregnant and I had some complications in my pregnancy and we had our baby 10 weeks early, and On June 30, 2009, 18 days after our baby was born my husband died in his sleep, They worked on him for an hour but the doctor said he must of died a few hours before. He died at age 33, 10 days from 34 yrs old. From an enlarged Heart, It's so hard, and unbearable pain, I am now a single mom with four children, (that was hard to say) It has been a year now since he has been gone, and I cant tell you it gets easier because it doesn't, I feel so alone, and depressed all the time. I do what I only know how to do for now and that is to be a mom. I am so sorry for your loss. and I feel your pain. I am here for you if you want to talk, You are in my thoughts and prayers. Big Hugs

I know how you feel, I also left a loveless 10 year marriage and found my soul mate, we were so happy and I already had three children and he didn't have any, He loved my children just like his own, and treated them just like his own, about a month in a half after we got married, I got pregnant and I had some complications in my pregnancy and we had our baby 10 weeks early, and On June 30, 2009, 18 days after our baby was born my husband died in his sleep, They worked on him for an hour but the doctor said he must of died a few hours before. He died at age 33, 10 days from 34 yrs old. From an enlarged Heart, It's so hard, and unbearable pain, I am now a single mom with four children, (that was hard to say) It has been a year now since he has been gone, and I cant tell you it gets easier because it doesn't, I feel so alone, and depressed all the time. I do what I only know how to do for now and that is to be a mom. I am so sorry for your loss. and I feel your pain. I am here for you if you want to talk, You are in my thoughts and prayers. Big Hugs

I"m sorry for your loss :) hugs :)

I will pray for your family, and know what you have learned in life is needed now. Be the woman that kept things going for so long. I am sure your husband did not do it all. You are not someone starting new, so use your knowledge to make things happen. Beside, your 13 year need you more than you need anyone. God knew he can count on you to take care of the 13 year old.