Car Wreck

I lost my husband of 22yrs. 4 yrs. ago. The crying every day grieving is over but now the "what the heck am I going to do w/ the rest of my life" is hitting me. We were very happy. I'm a teacher, he was a post man. We have 2 kids. We're in a church that helped us so much. It is still amazing that he is really gone. After his funeral I received an anynomous call that it was not just a wreck, a young man was trying to commit suicide. There was evidence, it was investigated, but didn't go to court. The young man lived and did a short amount of time in jail. I have forgiven him and did talk to him about it. None of that matters in the big picture because knowing it won't bring my husband back. I know he's in a better place and my kids accept that and I'm proud of them for that. They are young adults. But, I'm just not there. I want him here. I'm a Christian so that helps me deal w/ all this.

stubbemand stubbemand
51-55, F
6 Responses May 12, 2010

Hello i havent been on the computer in a long time. I too am a grieving widow.i read all the above comments and can relate to all of them. i have to be honest part of me wanted to die with him. i lost it.i was put on medicine and it has helped me survive.if it hadnt been for the medicine i just dont know?.my beloved husband of 34 years died as result of motorcycle accident.hit head on sitting at redlite.i would recommend to any spouse that has lost to get medicine right away.pray for strength.

oh i am so sorry i lost my husband too its absolute hell! i hope u find comfort in knowing your not alone! try to find just one thing that u find good in this world and hold on to it! my little dog is my one thing just something only for me that makes me happy!!!!!!!!!!! it really helps. i don't expect any one i know to understand because they haven't been through it i find pleasure in their awkward attempts to comfort me now. at first it just made me angry because they all said stupid things.... i understand...u need to move on.... he would of wanted u to... u still can have a great new life.... i am so happy my loved ones are clueless of how to help and what to say because i know they r clueless because they have never had such pain its good some people have such a blessing but because i know this hell on earth this place u and i r in i am forever different i hope i can help some else in this. i can tell u u have helped me i wish so much we were not together in this but i am glade to not b lonely in this!!!!!!!!!!!

My heart truly goes out to all of you. Your stories all touched my heart deeply. It's been 6 years 2 months and 19 days since my Husbands doctor DELIBERATELY took my Husbands life. We were together for my entire life from when I was 16 to 51 and I'm so lost I can't stand it. I read everything I can, including the Bible on the Afterlife, searching for answers. I'm here anytime, any of you need someone to talk to about anything.<br />
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God Bless You All

Here I am at midnight wishing I had someone to talk to. LIkely all family and friends are sleeping. Nights are long for me. Still have trouble sleeping. My wonderful husband & I were happily married for 41 yrs. He passed away this past June. Can't believe it's been 6 mo. He was so healthy. Because of a slight cough that just wouldn't go away, I insisted he see a doctor. Result: lung cancer. Diagnosis: 6 mo. - 1 1/2 yrs. to live. It was 8 months. I identify with many of your comments. We are Christians, a huge comfort. I trust in the Lord and he makes no mistakes. I cry less, but still have a lot of those moments. I feel lost. What's next? He was everything to me - so good to me. I have three children close by, grandchildren and great-grandchildren not far away.<br />
I am 61 yrs. old. My husband was a business owner. I was a homemaker, working only a couple of years in the schools. Only those who have experienced this can possibly know what it's like. I suppose it is helpful just writing this. Sometimes it is so difficult. I feel I will explode. You have a lot going for you (as I do) but children do not feel the same pain. We are missing that other part of ourselves that was always there. I know that with the passing of time - who knows how much - we will find our way and it is good to realize that this is true. But for now, I am so sad and miss him so much. There are many things to take care of and each is a reminder, every which way you turn. God never leaves us alone and I know he understands this kind of pain. His word is a comfort, even a little at a time. I will be praying for you.

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Hello stubbemand : )<br />
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I am new to this site an not even sure how to function here yet., but my heart is touched by your loss. I will be 59 in August, am happily married for soon to be 20 years. I also have an 18 year old daughter, two dogs & one cat. <br />
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I share my life with advanced spinal stenosis and have unwanted relationship with arthritis. I am a non denominational Christian, I see myself as a flower child who has a big heart and chooses to be pro positive most of the time. <br />
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I do think about what would happen should my husband leave life before me. I would so much rather I go first but scary as it is, I know that is not my decision to make. If I were in your place I would continue to look for someone who has already gone through what you are experiencing now. Some kind one who can share their experience with you, someone who can help you avoid the unseen pit falls and help make this a more positive adventure for you, rather than a scary journey into the dark unknown. Someone to make this time in your life easier for you. <br />
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As much as I wish I could be useful to you in some way, I of course don't know what you are going through yet. I know only that it can't be easy . I also feel I would be the one to learn more from your experience then you could learn from me at this point in your life. I am however, more than willing to be here should you need someone to talk to or reach out to, or perhaps keep you company till you find, or someone finds you, who has the needed, experience and guidance tools to offer you. Please feel free to contact me anytime. : )<br />
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May God Bless & Keep You close,<br />
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~*~ Bella ~*~

This must have been truly difficult. Seems like there were so many issues that you had to deal with in addition to your grief. My wife died of natural causes and very quickly so there wasn't anyone to blame....still I can't help but think that she died because I didn't take care of her very well. Guess this is a natural response.