Just Left Hanging

ok so im a sophomore. almost all of my friends are older than me and i feel like im their age. Theres this one guy who is a senior this year and we have become really good friends. Hes so funny and interesting and stuff that ive kind of always been a little nervous around him cuz i have no idea what he thinks of me, even as a friend. Towards the end of a musical we were brother and sister in i realized that i liked him but never really acted on it or anything because I mean im 2 years younger than him plus he had a weird long distance relationship with the girl he dated last year (who i also love a lot).. lets call her kelly. anyway once the show was over and i had no chance and we hardly saw each other i was easily able to push him out of my mind in that way. then we were cast as a duo in the spring play and we became closer again and he had a cast party at his house and he kind of tried to hook up with me and i was completely shocked because i had nooo idea he thought of me in that anyway. i turned him down because he was intoxicated and i really didnt think he would want me sober and didnt want that to ruin our friendship + our good friend (his best friend, a senior, "jess") walked in on us and was weirded out. anyway i slept over at jess's that night and she told me she was in love with him and that he was still with kelly and i felt so bad was so emotionally torn up. later people found out and thought it was gross but i realized that i wished it had happened. my friend asked him why and he said because i am a beautiful girl and we love each other. but then my first kiss would have been to a drunk senior who had a girlfriend. later i found out he and "kelly" werent together anymore. So i thought ok that changes things. i decided we needed to talk. i kept seeing him at school and he kind of was ignoring me but then randomly flirting with me when no one saw. the day before i was leaving for vacation i called him and he told me he was sorry for avoiding me and about everything and he shouldnt have surprised me but it wasnt just a drunk thing and he had thought about it before and to make it up to me he wanted to take me out on a real date and i should call him when i got home. when i was gone he ignored my msgs. i got home and then had knee surgery and then he went on a college trip. and now its been a month. and i think about him tooo much. and i see him and we talk a lot but avoid the subject.  it has gotten to a point where it is hanging over our heads so much that finally i said "we havent been on our adventure yet" and he said "true". thats where we are now. he is a senior and i realllly like him and i cant tell anyone cuz they think its really weird plus one of my best friends is in love with him. but i just want to know if he is still interested because i feel like ive been trying so much harder than him. like he keeps not responding when i chat him. but hes the one who tried to hook up with me! if he said he didnt want this anymore i could force myself to give up hope and get over it and just be friends. but instead he ignores it and is just leaving me hanging. and hes graduating in 3 weeks and i wont be able to live without the seniors. ahh
Rogo717 Rogo717
18-21, F
2 Responses Apr 28, 2013

Suppose that he wouldn't have bothered asking if he thought anyone would really accept.

I know this is a hard response but what would you guys do hes going to college and plus I know you wouldn't want to do that to your friend. I know how hard it is but sometimes You have to say no in order to save two friendships.