Ok, first-timer here so bare with me...My husband and I met when he was 5 and I was 13. We have been best friends since. We went fishing, camping and did pretty much everything together. Well he tagged along with my friends and I and since our families were so close we pretty much grew up together. Before anything thinks anything crazy, he was just my little buddy back then. He did ask me to marry him when he was 5 but that was just cute then. I was his babysitter and I always knew as he grew up that he crushed on me...Our families seperated sometime around my age of 18 and his age of 10. I moved around a little, worked, met people, dated a little and tried to find that right person for me. My parents settled down back in a small town and asked me to move back by them. School was cheaper so I did. His family wanted to come for a visit and it had been about 3 years since I had seen them and him and I was excited considering the amount of time we had spent together as kids. I fell asleep on my parents couch waiting for them and when I woke up he was sitting in a recliner staring at a blue TV screen because he didn't know how to change the channel. I laughed so hard and stood up to give him a hug. He was taller than me and had grown soo much!! I was so excited and we talked all night about his friends and football and everything that we had missed. Eventually his parents decided that they wanted to be closer to my family and they moved to our small town. It began all over again, my little (not so little) buddy was back. I was hoever still dating and trying to locate that 'man of my dreams' until I was in this one relationship that I knew was doomed from the beginning. I broke up with him and moved back to the small town to continue school closer to home. This was around the time that my buddy was 16. We were pretty mch inseperable. So much so that he wanted more. I explained to him that we were too different in age and that could not happen. Closer to the time he was almost 18 and almost graduated from high school his parents decided to move, mone were already gone searching out new adventures and his parents wanted to know if he could move in with me. What was I gonna say no?? He was still in his last few months of high school. So he moved in and that is when things went crazy. I think I always knew I loved him but I was not willing to be that person to take away his opportunity to date and be with other woman. The problem is he never wanted too. We ended up getting married 2 weeks before his 20th birthday. We have had a rough go of it. I found out 6 months after we got married that I could not have kids. It destroyed me at the time, but he was supportive, of course he was 20...We never fought. I mean we got mad and screamed at each other, but we never fought. I paid all the bills, ensured he had anything he needed and he began engineering school. Long road because I was still paying my own student loans and was not cappable at the time to pay for more so he figured out a way to do school without while we either paid for it ourselves or his job would...We struggled but we were ALWAYS happy together. As he got cloer to his degree he kept wanting more. Who am I to prevent that? I am a full believer in reaching for your dreams no matter what. However the only dream I had and still have was to be a mother. Everytime it came up over the last few years there was always some other excuse to do something else first from him. About 6 months ago I started becoming depressed. Keep in mind that all through our marriage we had our monetary ups and downs almost foreclosed once, but I worked it out. We never lost anything and I took all the debt onto myself because I wanted him to be financially stable when he got out of school then we could work on me, together. However when he got out of school, he then wanted the Navy...Hen I actually made a mistake and missed a car payment. 1 payment. He got a call and decided that he was going to start paying bills. He moved his check to a seperate acount and began paying only what his name was on and told me that I had too much pressure on me and that he wanted to help. It did not feel that way. I felt like he was pulling away, and I told him so. Needless to say about 1 month ago he decided that he wanted to seperate and loves me but cannot be with me. There is a lot more that happened in there with money but the most important part is that he said he cannot trust me and that I coud financially ruin him so he cannot be with me. I made sure he was always taken care of before myself and now I have lost not only my best friend but my husband and my confidance...
SadAndConfused67 SadAndConfused67
41-45, F
3 Responses Dec 6, 2013

Thank you so much for your words BrolitaGiGi. It was so very helpful to tell this story to strangers and get the feedback that you provided. Family and friends you always have a tendency to see as biased and only telling you what you want to hear. The truth is that even though everyday that goes by seems to get a little better I still feel like I am going crazy inside. When I wrote this out I was grasping for straws to understand what happened. Ultimately I think that it was inevitable. He has never had any life experiences outside of us. And I have so I know what we had was special. I am letting go of the hurt and the anger and the confusion. I am just having a hard time letting go of the disappointment and the thoughts of being thrown away. I know that since I am actually dealing with the issues and being truthful with myself that when I actually move on I will be stronger. I don't think he will be able to.

As you probably know, there are people who are self centered and those who are caring for others. Based on your story, it appears from the beginning your little buddy was always focused on what he wanted, not what you wanted. Best friends and marriage partners are suppose to share equally, but in your case it didn't seem to happen. You supported him, he got his degree, he joined the Navy (and did he ask you for your input on that?), and now he feels you might ruin him? that said, my first marriage broke up because of money and the philosophy of how to spend it. I always paid off my bills, she kept collect balances on credit cards until one day I discovered she had 14 credit cards with balances. Long story short - though I loved her, I realized she was never going to change and if I did I would be bankrupt by now if I spent like she did. Money and sex are the major reasons for divorce. If it is one of those you are not alone, and it is not your fault - blame always goes both directions. Now it is time for you to focus ahead and move on to someone who shares dreams, and helps your dreams happen, not with someone who only wants what is best for themselves. Hugs...


I know that this is super difficult for you right now, unfortunately, I cant give you any decent advice right now. But I'm here if you need to talk, you can always PM me.