I A Mans Journal
Well, here I sit at the keyboard. Can't sleep because my mind is racing, and I need to put it in words for people to read. I have been thinking about writing a book based primarily on my life. Many parts are real, and many parts are just in my imagination. However, what is real when you look back in your life. This story itself is really long, but sets up the Journal.
Memories, you cannot physically touch them, so aren't they then things stored in electronic impulses in your brain of actual and imaginative events. When we all pass, who is to say what was real, and what was imagination.
Well, this is my story.......(and you may determine, what is real, and what is imagination)
The idea came to me when I was cleaning out my room and I found an old 7th grade journal. I opened up the journal and read of what happened on that day. It got me thinking that I'm not going to remember everything that I have done, not down to the detail that I did it. So, I figured, I'd try and document my life. No, not everything in my life as that would be silly, and basically it would just say that I just sit there typing about me sitting there typing (and I'm not that silly). So, I want it to be a series of events that don't happen all the time. hmmmmm..... think....think.....think.......got it!!!! I'm going to write about my sexual trials, tribulations, and triumphs. ......you're thinking, oh crap, here we go, who the hell wants to read this stuff!!! Well, read on my friend, and I'll tell you........
I decided that I would start at the beginning.......well maybe not the beginning, because every young teenager takes out his fathers **** magazines and ...well......he....ummm.... well, OK, he masturbates. Everyone has done it, and sometimes by accident. Anyway.....back on track. I figured I'd start with losing my virginity. Which as anyone knows, when a boy loses his virginity, it is not a long story at all. So, on with it.
You can see that story titled Journal Entry - loses virginity
After that horrendous experience, I decided that I needed to know women. Not just know women, but know how to read women. Read women at the deepest level, right at their core, where every thought, feeling, emotion starts. Seemed logical to me to start there, since that is the beginning. As I grew I found out that men don't really do that, they just think about the ****** at the end, and miss all the fun stuff.
So, I started researching women at 19 years old. I looked everywhere and talked to a lot of women to see how they ticked. I wanted to be able to read women like a blind man read braille, by touch. I already could read their outward emotions, but I wanted their bodies to talk to me and tell me what she wanted. Every woman is different, and special in her own way. Each individual lady out there had different tastes, likes, fantasies, dreams, etc. and I wanted to know them all.
I can't go through the learning process here, but you will see them in my journal entries of each encounter and learning opportunity for me to be a more focused lover.
At this time in my life, I worked in the kitchen of a restaurant as a cook. If you know restaurants, cooks deal mainly with the waitresses. Waitresses are usually females and usually older than my 19 year old self. Older women also have accumulated issues or problems or complaints or whatever, and whatever it was needed to be fixed. I listened to their conversations and complaints and comments and took mental note of how to please each one.
Around that time, a married 26 yr old very good looking woman took a keen interest in me. Now, many of the old "married" ladies always made me blush with their comments about my body, but this one really wanted to get close to me. Also, with me being a 19 yr old and having the attention of an older hot looking lady was not complaining, and at that point her being married, never entered my mind.
We would go out and park in her car and talk and talk, and all the time, I am soaking in everything she is saying, and building up my thoughts of how to take care of her and try and blow her mind and impress her. Well, that series of encounters are in the journal entries.
Well, it so happened that this one woman had the ears of many of the other ladies, and I became the "hot" topic of how I was able to take care of all her needs, right on down to her core. She was happy all the time, no complaints, no worries.....nothing but all good energy came from her. Well, the other ladies took notice real quick, and she gave them all the details.
I was not dating anyone at the time, so as the ladies flirted with me, I flirted just as hard right back. After one of the busy days at work, a couple of the employees "hung out" after work until late. One of the women there was good friends with the first woman, and isolated me and asked me point blank. "Are you as good as she says you are?" I didn't know what to say, so I just answered honestly. "Well, I try my best to be the best I can be at whatever I do" then I figured that I'd push it and add "and if it's you that I'm doing, then you will feel the best".
Next thing I know I'm in the back of her SUV with no back seats, treating this woman to everything I have learned. (yes more journal entries) The next day at work, the women are now flocking around the two that I was with, noticing the great energy that was radiating from them. Now, I get even more attention.
Pretty soon, most of the women, who surprisingly were not jealous of each other, were the happiest group of women that you could meet. So, basically that made me feel really good about myself that all the hard research that I did is paying off, because I was making people happy.
During this timeframe, there was an older woman who used to come in every Friday night and was a sweet person, but was always alone. Her husband had died a number of years ago, and she carried that burden on her shoulders. She was cynical of any man that tried to get close to her, and it showed. She became friendly with all of the waitresses, because she was there every week, and was a good tipper.
She picked up on all the positive and happy energy radiating from the waitresses, and was a little envious. Why couldn't she be that happy. One time, she asked one of the waitresses why she was so happy, and she got an ear full. She then put her head down and cried....why she couldn't be that happy. That is when the waitress come into me, explained to me the situation, and asked me to talk with her.
Since it was late and work was slow, I went right out there. We spoke for a couple of moments and I asked her if she wanted to go to a diner when I got off of work to talk more about herself. She was a very gentle, caring woman, who I could see the sparkle fading in her eyes, and that kind of hit me. I wanted to take her pain away, but figured that the only way I knew how was not feasible with the age difference.
Well, we went out to the diner and talked for many hours. Actually she mainly talked and I carefully listened. I was interested in every word that came from her mouth. She was a fascinating lady, who really must have knocked them dead in her day. After dinner, we went out to our cars and hers would not start. So, of course I offered her a ride. I ran around to the passenger side of my care and opened the door for her. She just looked at me....and then smiled. I then waited for her to get all the way in and comfortable, and then I closed it for her.
After I parked in her driveway, I quickly got out and once again, opened her car door. I felt that I needed to give this woman my utmost respect and do everything I could to make her feel good. I then walked her to the front door, and she invited me in. Details of that in a journal entry.
I had been out with this woman probably about once a month for about a year or so. She was so sweet, and her smile just melted me that I was able to make her so happy. Well, after a little while later, she ended up passing away. Feeling that I owed her my last respects, I went to her funeral. It wasn't much of a funeral as she ended up not having many friends, and no family. After all of my coworkers left, I approached the casket, and said some very respectful comments, and turned to leave.
As I was leaving, there was a man in the back of the room, who grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side. He introduced himself to me and asked to see my license. I had no idea why, but not really even thinking, I pulled out my wallet and showed him. After he looked at it, he just said..."Thought it was you, please follow me." He took me into the back room and closed the door.
He then gave me an envelope while telling me what was inside. Well, it ends up that this sweet sweet woman was left billions of dollars by her late husband, and was always worried that someone would con her for it, so she lived a modest life, and never indicated how much she was actually worth. He then went on to tell me that she had left me everything. When I say everything, I mean everything!!!! This also included a small island off the coast of the Carolinas that had everything that you can imagine.
I was blown away!!
I needed to do all the legal work to get it transferred. I asked the attorney how she kept this all a secret, and he filled me in on all the little tricks that they did, so that nobody knew. I thought for a moment, and asked the attorney if he could continue doing that for me, as I wanted to respect the woman's lifestyle with the fact that I was only going to use this money to help people. I decided that I was going to continue my life as if it didn't happen.
I have not told anyone, not anyone, of how much I am really worth as it's not money that I felt I earned. I only wanted to live on what I had earned, and that is what I do.
At 22 years old, I got hit with a muscle disease that devastated me. I was seeing double, and my arms and legs were giving out on me. I cut off all ties to everyone, had to go on disability, and basically my life came to a screeching halt. I had nothing to do but think, and live in my imagination, and develop my focusing skills. I ended up having surgery that involved cutting open my chest and taking out my thymus gland. I was also put on different medications, including prednisone, a steroid that has too many side effects to mention.....but one was gaining water weight.
Fast forward to recent years. I continue to work in a corporate type environment, just like all other hard working people. I have a wonderful family and kids, live in a nice neighborhood, and coach little girls soccer. The reason why I chose little girls is that they suffer the most when it comes to self esteem. I am able to build their confidence and enable them to take on the world.
My family is aware of my side endeavors that I still do and my wife accepts it. That was one condition to our marriage. I get my happiness from making other people happy, no matter what that takes. She is perfectly fine with that, because she is happy, and knows that I'm not doing this really for myself as much as doing it for other women.
Since now that I am older, and my body cannot keep up with my mind, and now that my imagination was soaring with different skills. I took to the internet to see if I could help people. This allows me to sit and focus on whomever I am talking to. I feel that I have developed the ability to put myself in someone else s head and find the same exact feelings that I was able to do by touch.
As I engage in a conversation with someone who is willing to open up to me, I use questions as my tools. I find their imaginations and I give them a nudge. I find their logic, and I push that around so that they can see more clearly. I'm able to use my focused positive energy to activate parts of their brains that are currently clouded. I am always honest, and will even admit to somewhat manipulating them, however, it is in a positive way, using their own thoughts, imaginations, and understandings. I don't place my thoughts into their heads, but help them help themselves to be happy.
I will always stay anonymous as for my respect for everyone around me, as to not make this into a media circus, as well as a respectful gesture to my friend looking down on me.......with that great smile.
So, I offer you my story to enjoy, comment, rip apart, and use however makes you happy.
I thrive on happiness that I have caused, and that fulfills my purpose in life.
Memories, you cannot physically touch them, so aren't they then things stored in electronic impulses in your brain of actual and imaginative events. When we all pass, who is to say what was real, and what was imagination.
Well, this is my story.......(and you may determine, what is real, and what is imagination)
The idea came to me when I was cleaning out my room and I found an old 7th grade journal. I opened up the journal and read of what happened on that day. It got me thinking that I'm not going to remember everything that I have done, not down to the detail that I did it. So, I figured, I'd try and document my life. No, not everything in my life as that would be silly, and basically it would just say that I just sit there typing about me sitting there typing (and I'm not that silly). So, I want it to be a series of events that don't happen all the time. hmmmmm..... think....think.....think.......got it!!!! I'm going to write about my sexual trials, tribulations, and triumphs. ......you're thinking, oh crap, here we go, who the hell wants to read this stuff!!! Well, read on my friend, and I'll tell you........
I decided that I would start at the beginning.......well maybe not the beginning, because every young teenager takes out his fathers **** magazines and ...well......he....ummm.... well, OK, he masturbates. Everyone has done it, and sometimes by accident. Anyway.....back on track. I figured I'd start with losing my virginity. Which as anyone knows, when a boy loses his virginity, it is not a long story at all. So, on with it.
You can see that story titled Journal Entry - loses virginity
After that horrendous experience, I decided that I needed to know women. Not just know women, but know how to read women. Read women at the deepest level, right at their core, where every thought, feeling, emotion starts. Seemed logical to me to start there, since that is the beginning. As I grew I found out that men don't really do that, they just think about the ****** at the end, and miss all the fun stuff.
So, I started researching women at 19 years old. I looked everywhere and talked to a lot of women to see how they ticked. I wanted to be able to read women like a blind man read braille, by touch. I already could read their outward emotions, but I wanted their bodies to talk to me and tell me what she wanted. Every woman is different, and special in her own way. Each individual lady out there had different tastes, likes, fantasies, dreams, etc. and I wanted to know them all.
I can't go through the learning process here, but you will see them in my journal entries of each encounter and learning opportunity for me to be a more focused lover.
At this time in my life, I worked in the kitchen of a restaurant as a cook. If you know restaurants, cooks deal mainly with the waitresses. Waitresses are usually females and usually older than my 19 year old self. Older women also have accumulated issues or problems or complaints or whatever, and whatever it was needed to be fixed. I listened to their conversations and complaints and comments and took mental note of how to please each one.
Around that time, a married 26 yr old very good looking woman took a keen interest in me. Now, many of the old "married" ladies always made me blush with their comments about my body, but this one really wanted to get close to me. Also, with me being a 19 yr old and having the attention of an older hot looking lady was not complaining, and at that point her being married, never entered my mind.
We would go out and park in her car and talk and talk, and all the time, I am soaking in everything she is saying, and building up my thoughts of how to take care of her and try and blow her mind and impress her. Well, that series of encounters are in the journal entries.
Well, it so happened that this one woman had the ears of many of the other ladies, and I became the "hot" topic of how I was able to take care of all her needs, right on down to her core. She was happy all the time, no complaints, no worries.....nothing but all good energy came from her. Well, the other ladies took notice real quick, and she gave them all the details.
I was not dating anyone at the time, so as the ladies flirted with me, I flirted just as hard right back. After one of the busy days at work, a couple of the employees "hung out" after work until late. One of the women there was good friends with the first woman, and isolated me and asked me point blank. "Are you as good as she says you are?" I didn't know what to say, so I just answered honestly. "Well, I try my best to be the best I can be at whatever I do" then I figured that I'd push it and add "and if it's you that I'm doing, then you will feel the best".
Next thing I know I'm in the back of her SUV with no back seats, treating this woman to everything I have learned. (yes more journal entries) The next day at work, the women are now flocking around the two that I was with, noticing the great energy that was radiating from them. Now, I get even more attention.
Pretty soon, most of the women, who surprisingly were not jealous of each other, were the happiest group of women that you could meet. So, basically that made me feel really good about myself that all the hard research that I did is paying off, because I was making people happy.
During this timefr
She picked up on all the positive and happy energy radiating from the waitresses, and was a little envious. Why couldn't she be that happy. One time, she asked one of the waitresses why she was so happy, and she got an ear full. She then put her head down and cried....why she couldn't be that happy. That is when the waitress come into me, explained to me the situation, and asked me to talk with her.
Since it was late and work was slow, I went right out there. We spoke for a couple of moments and I asked her if she wanted to go to a diner when I got off of work to talk more about herself. She was a very gentle, caring woman, who I could see the sparkle fading in her eyes, and that kind of hit me. I wanted to take her pain away, but figured that the only way I knew how was not feasible with the age difference.
Well, we went out to the diner and talked for many hours. Actually she mainly talked and I carefully listened. I was interested in every word that came from her mouth. She was a fascinating lady, who really must have knocked them dead in her day. After dinner, we went out to our cars and hers would not start. So, of course I offered her a ride. I ran around to the passenger side of my care and opened the door for her. She just looked at me....and then smiled. I then waited for her to get all the way in and comfortable, and then I closed it for her.
After I parked in her driveway, I quickly got out and once again, opened her car door. I felt that I needed to give this woman my utmost respect and do everything I could to make her feel good. I then walked her to the front door, and she invited me in. Details of that in a journal entry.
I had been out with this woman probably about once a month for about a year or so. She was so sweet, and her smile just melted me that I was able to make her so happy. Well, after a little while later, she ended up passing away. Feeling that I owed her my last respects, I went to her funeral. It wasn't much of a funeral as she ended up not having many friends, and no family. After all of my coworkers left, I approached the casket, and said some very respectful comments, and turned to leave.
As I was leaving, there was a man in the back of the room, who grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side. He introduced himself to me and asked to see my license. I had no idea why, but not really even thinking, I pulled out my wallet and showed him. After he looked at it, he just said..."Thought it was you, please follow me." He took me into the back room and closed the door.
He then gave me an envelope while telling me what was inside. Well, it ends up that this sweet sweet woman was left billions of dollars by her late husband, and was always worried that someone would con her for it, so she lived a modest life, and never indicated how much she was actually worth. He then went on to tell me that she had left me everything. When I say everything, I mean everything!!!! This also included a small island off the coast of the Carolinas that had everything that you can imagine.
I was blown away!!
I needed to do all the legal work to get it transferred. I asked the attorney how she kept this all a secret, and he filled me in on all the little tricks that they did, so that nobody knew. I thought for a moment, and asked the attorney if he could continue doing that for me, as I wanted to respect the woman's lifestyle with the fact that I was only going to use this money to help people. I decided that I was going to continue my life as if it didn't happen.
I have not told anyone, not anyone, of how much I am really worth as it's not money that I felt I earned. I only wanted to live on what I had earned, and that is what I do.
At 22 years old, I got hit with a muscle disease that devastated me. I was seeing double, and my arms and legs were giving out on me. I cut off all ties to everyone, had to go on disability, and basically my life came to a screeching halt. I had nothing to do but think, and live in my imagination, and develop my focusing skills. I ended up having surgery that involved cutting open my chest and taking out my thymus gland. I was also put on different medications, including prednisone, a steroid that has too many side effects to mention.....but one was gaining water weight.
Fast forward to recent years. I continue to work in a corporate type environment, just like all other hard working people. I have a wonderful family and kids, live in a nice neighborhood, and coach little girls soccer. The reason why I chose little girls is that they suffer the most when it comes to self esteem. I am able to build their confidence and enable them to take on the world.
My family is aware of my side endeavors that I still do and my wife accepts it. That was one condition to our marriage. I get my happiness from making other people happy, no matter what that takes. She is perfectly fine with that, because she is happy, and knows that I'm not doing this really for myself as much as doing it for other women.
Since now that I am older, and my body cannot keep up with my mind, and now that my imagination was soaring with different skills. I took to the internet to see if I could help people. This allows me to sit and focus on whomever I am talking to. I feel that I have developed the ability to put myself in someone else s head and find the same exact feelings that I was able to do by touch.
As I engage in a conversation with someone who is willing to open up to me, I use questions as my tools. I find their imaginations and I give them a nudge. I find their logic, and I push that around so that they can see more clearly. I'm able to use my focused positive energy to activate parts of their brains that are currently clouded. I am always honest, and will even admit to somewhat manipulating them, however, it is in a positive way, using their own thoughts, imaginations, and understandings. I don't place my thoughts into their heads, but help them help themselves to be happy.
I will always stay anonymous as for my respect for everyone around me, as to not make this into a media circus, as well as a respectful gesture to my friend looking down on me.......with that great smile.
So, I offer you my story to enjoy, comment, rip apart, and use however makes you happy.
I thrive on happiness that I have caused, and that fulfills my purpose in life.
By:
AMansJournal
Age:
41-45
,
Male
