I Two Am a Recent Widower

my wife of 32 years passed away on july 4th 2008, it5s been 7 months and seems like it happened yesterday. shes allways on my mind, everytime i turn around. witch is a good thing,  dont get me wrong. i dont no what to do with my self, i go out and about just to stay out of the house, ive remolded the house and replaced the bedroom furniture and kicthen, but its still the same how am i supose to feel, like i do and how long before it gets  better. i could use someone to talk to who is in the same boat.  thanks

gustavob gustavob
51-55, M
2 Responses Feb 23, 2009

First, please allow me to offer my condolences on the loss of your beloved life. While I am not a widow, I have a very fresh and painful experience that I'd like to share with you in hopes that it helps how you feel.<br />
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On December 26, 2009, my father and 3 sisters buried my mother, who was a saint if God ever placed on on earth. My father wasn't necessarily kind to her throughout her life, but she stayed for the kids and then decided she was too old to do anything else. She was 64 years old. She was my very very best friend in this world, as well as those of my sisters. She was given a pretty terminal diagnosis, but we thought with some agressive treatment, we'd have her a couple of years. Not the case. She was dx on December 1st, hospitalized on December 4th (the day before my birthday) and we had to discontinue life support on December 26th because she was getting much worse each day.<br />
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I suppose I tell you all this to give you a little history about our family. The funeral home could not hold another person or boquet of flowers. People and friends were everywhere. My father was totally dependent on my mother. So much so that she would place his medications in his 7 day container and he'd never cooked a meal that I'd known of. My father is not a bad man, but 20 yearls ealier he'd had an affair and it crushed my mother. Anyway, long story short, my father was speaking with another woman with 5 weeks of my mothers death. He flew to NC and met his "high school sweetheart" 2 1/2 months after my mothers death and he'll be marrying her in August. Our family has been totally torn apart by this. While I understand that he is lonesome, I beieve that his actions are way too soon, if not for respect for our mother, than for the 4 daughters who she meant the world to. My father is taking all of the money that my mother left for him (around $300K and our family home) and marrying this woman who he has known for a few weeks and has spent only 2 weeks with. We are devastated. While my story is not exactly like yours, I do know we share some of the same grief. There is a great grief website that is available. I have it at work, so if you would like to email me back, I'll get the site information to you and maybe that will help some. My email is merita.kaye@ yahoo.com

i just lost my husband just over three months ago i to am finding it very hard i know what you are going thru everywhere i go things remind me of him i was hoping that it would get easier after time but reading your story it seems like it takes a very long time to adjust to being alone