I'm 23 And Have Nothing To Show For It....

I use to live in CA. I moved to Idaho just recently because i felt like visiting my grandparents. I drove up here with my best friend ( my dog) and my mom, they are her parents so she wanted to visit with them. At first it was just going to be a trip for the summer, then I decided to stay because it seemed that no one wanted me to come home, at least my sister and brother didn't. see i lived with my parents before I moved up here. and my sister had gotten her own place with her ex-boyfriend. well when they broke up she had to give up her appartment, and moved back home. well when she moved back home she didn't have a room because after she moved out I took over her room. so she has done the same. but she is going about it like a b***h. Its ******* me off shes telling my friends that shes so pissed off at me because I can't stand talking to her and so shes going around telling them that if i don't get my stuff from cali out of my parents house that i won't have some of it.

On top of that my brother told our mom that he doesn't want me to come home either, only because of my dogs. well I only brought one with me because I don't think i could go for 3 months without him. he is like my baby. I know what your thinking, well I didn't have many friends back in cali and so my dogs became my best friends. you know they don't judge you and listen without comment to anything you have to say. so I love him like he is my child. well I also have 2 other dogs back home. 1 is a 17 yrs old lab that is not doing very well. He is loosing body functions and is going blind, so I told my mom it was ok to put him down, but my dad refuses to put him down because "hes fine." in his words. so thats not on me. and I also have 1 more, she so cute but not very smart, shes a solid black AKC Dachshund, and nobody there likes her. my grandma doesn't want her here, so the only thing they want to do is send her away to go somewhere else. well I still love her and want to keep her. I hate this. so much. I don't belong there and I thought I belonged here but I hate the way things are turning out here.

I thought everything was going great and this could be all in my head but I don't think so. I looked around for a job and finaly got one at Target. which was great then I decided I was going to go ahead and stay here and so I enrolled at the local college and got accepted. Being 23 I was able to recive financial aid in the form of the PELL Grant. which was awesome. I was unable to recivce that before because of my parents income. But now i'm starting to think that my grandparents don't like me being here. Even though they say so. Perhaps it in there little stares, or the looks that I get or even sometimes its the things that I say without thinking. I can't be sure but its just a feeling.

Another thing that bothers me, is that God sends me places to help people. like when I moved out the first time, I moved into my other grandparents house, and a year after my grandfather died. I know I moved there just a year after I graduated high school and to help grandma get around but still that was where i needed to be, I could feel it. I felt the same way about when I took this trip that turned into a stay. I was coming up here no matter what, and since I have been up here I have done lots of stuff, like tons of painting and installing stuff. they run a computer business and can't do much during the day, so I am able to do lots of stuff while they work in the shop I have even been able to help them in the shop and grandpa has been teacing me to run it. which is cool. but for some reason I am getting weird feelings. and now I just want to go home but I don't at the same time. I just wish there was a place that I completely fit in.

I want so bad to have a family and a home of my own. most of my friends from high school are married and have kids, or at the least are engaged, EVEN my sister is engaged and shes only 20! but I have noone. I am single, and now live in a completely differant state. I have no friends, only family I haven't seen for 10 yrs, and half of them never. I just hope that this is where I am suppose to be for now and that I am imagining all of this. I can't wait to have my own place with my own rules. life isn't long but nor is it short, because its the longest thing we all do.
cpoohbear2004 cpoohbear2004
26-30, F
Jul 23, 2010