Seperation Anxiety

Like many of you out there, I am a working mom.  I'm in sales and cover a pretty decent sized territory.  My daughter is 10 months old and some days I feel like I can't seem to get a grip on doing either of my jobs to the fullest.  I really love my job.  That being said, I love my daughter more.  I'm constantly wondering if I would be happier as a stay at home mom and feel guilty when I realize that I enjoy having some time to just be me.  Anyone experiencing this?

My job is extremely competitive and sometimes takes me on the road for a few days to a week.  On top of that, my husband is a national sales manager so he travels as well.  Sometimes I feel like we are just passing in the night but after 10 months I feel like we finally have a grasp on scheduling our work trips.  The problem is now that Ryan, my daughter, is starting to suffer from really bad separation anxiety.  Part of my thinks it might just be this age but I notice she's especially clingy when I get home from my trips.

Ryan and I attend a Mommy & Me class together weekly at My Gym (or at least every week I'm in town).  We absolutely love this class and as stressful as it is for me to go pick her up from daycare, go to the class, take her back to daycare and then get back to the office & back to work, I really love our time together.  Every week I leave really envying the stay at home moms (which are most of them) that aren't strapped for time because they stay home with their little one.  They can meet up for lunch after or bring cute little treats for the rest of the class that they've made from a Pinterest idea.  I'm not saying being a stay at home mom is easy by any means.  I know my friends that do it really do have a 24 hr a day full time job but it just seems like they can devote their time to being really great at one thing- being a mom.  I feel like I'm constantly pulled between the two.

That being said, I noticed this last week at class, Ryan won't go to the other mommies the way the other kids do.  It makes me wonder if this is my fault for traveling or working in general.  On top of that, Ryan is the least mobile child in the class.  She's never crawled but scoots on her butt (when she feels like it).  Granted, she's had a Doc Band for the last three months due to a flat spot on the back of her head and our doctor says she'll walk on her own time but of course being a first time mom, I'm paniced.  I'm good friends with the other moms but I can see it on their faces that they are worried for me.

Right now, my husband and I can't afford for me to quit working but I'm so worried I'm missing out on my child's life.  I don't want her first steps to be with a stranger or for me to cause her emotional damage by me not being there every day & night.  Is anyone else experiencing this?  I just wanted to express my thoughts and hope some of you can relate.
MCooperTX MCooperTX
31-35
May 11, 2012