Writing Became My ex<x>pression

I was one of those kids that have little to no friends. My friends aren’t really friends. So, there were many things that I have issue with. Things kept piling up. I remember feeling so unwanted, so alone. Being home does not make things better. Soon, feeling unhappy at home makes me think of suicide. But, I never attempt it because to me it was just a moment that I feel miserable and I knew there were more out there for me. I know I wasn't such a coward and that suicide will not solve anything. I just beat it out of myself by locking myself in the bathroom, put on the shower and cry in the tub. I'll use the way I daydream to help relieve myself as I cry. And it helps. Before I know, I was writing how I feel, what I wish for and my concern. I love writing in short phases and poem. Describing how you feel, what you want and what you desire is not easy. So, poem became something I was fond. Later on, I challenge myself to write a story for a writing contest in my high school. I never knew I would be the third winner. But, writing the story wasn't easy and because of it I have become stronger. The process has strengthened me. The old me, wouldn't be able to ask anyone nor my teacher to help me on something outside of class. This experience shows me that if I ask and I am persisting about it I will find help. I had a couple of the people I know to read it, but they were students and weren't much help. I want someone who can point out my mistake and make suggestion. My old teacher became my editor and through many revising I got a story that I am satisfied with. That story brought me a long way and it taught me a lot. I am still writing. I still record my feeling, my thoughts, everything I feel the need to put down.

I prefer to say I like to read. Reading became a way to ignore my surrounding and to put me in a different state where I can forget what is going on around me. And so it became that I start to enjoy reading. Not because it takes me away from my surrounding, but because I enjoy the story. Being a reader made me a better writer.

So, if you ever feel bad, unhappy,etc, just write.
For example, I wrote another story about how I lost the person I thought to be my friend. This will be how I wrote it if I was in the moment.

I am afraid
afraid to be alone
but she
does she even care
how I feel?
does she knows she hurt me?
did I ever came up in her mind?
I am not a doll
I too knows what hurt and what brings me joy

this isn't the first time she hurts me
I didn't know it was just me trying to hang on
staying the way I am while they all change

I have ignore it all this time
never admitting
now, it hit me in the face
telling me she isn't what I think she is
being close friend was only my thought
and here now I'm crying all alone
if I was a tree would I have bend
and the breathe of life be taken away?

I may bend, but I can still stand
I am afraid for the future
but what else can I do?
I must stand alone
and I hope it will make me stronger