I A

Two Years

Two years of love, lust, help and hate.
Two years of injury, recovery, doctors and therapy.
February is a life changing time, better or worse, it has its impacts. In one day in 2011 I had been flown down to the hospital for operation, began a life of physical pain, anxiety, and medication, and also had begun my longest, most strenuous relationship. February 21st, the anniversary of my uncle's death, my first niece's life, the beginning of a relationship and the end of another.
There it was again, that day of fate. I had started my time with a seemingly great person, hours before my last day of work, my first day of chronic pain. Here I am now almost two years later, with the same person, the same pain, no work and a need for real affection. I have boiled down to a stew of lazyness, physical pain, and relationship issues day to day, we help each other, a lot, but we also drag each other down even more.
I can no longer work and my significant other seems to hate me, we have been having problems since a few months after our lives together begun, I'm "lazy", and in pain, she's defensive, irritable, angry and working I would leave, but I would then have left two years of my life, I would leave my beautiful rabbit with no mother figure which she cares for, I would have no home, and Most of all I fear dying alone, God oh god do I fear dying alone.
Death is a thing that happens to everyone, and dying alone is a large part of death, but I can't stand the concept. I fear it so greatly, I don't want to end my mortal times someday without someone at my side, I don't want to end my days without someone to share my thoughts, my time, my heart and my love with, to relate to, and to enjoy day to day.
At this point however, if I live with her by my side, it may be worse than dying alone, we don't relate, we don't communicate, we don't love, and it appears we hate.
I wish we didn't end up like this, I wish I didn't end up like this, life is a funny thing, fate even funnier.

Senseless rant, Over,

Io
lagomorpha lagomorpha
22-25
Jan 21, 2013