I try to open up and find happiness in my husband...and just when I think it may be better he treats me like crap and tries to put all the blame on me.

I really just need him to be a friend. I want my OM...he always uderstands and helps, even when we are having a major disagreement. But he cant get away fom his live in gf on weekends:( I feel so alone. I supposedly have two men that love me yet neither of them is available for me to just cry on their shoulder. The one that can just wont, and the one that would...cant:`(
nitrolove nitrolove
46-50, F
3 Responses Aug 17, 2014

Does he know your cheating

Your marriage won't work if you keep cheating...you keeping running away and looking for an escape...face the problems if marriage...cheating won't solve any problems

I read about your story and I am sorry about your history. Everyone has baggage, Curiousguy. But not everyone sets out to cheat intentionally.

My parents stayed together even though my father had women outside. My mother had two miscarriages then. In my opinion, even before he had affairs outside, their love had already died. I hated the fact that they stayed together and tried to work on their marriage for the sake of us children. His affairs and the miscarriages ate my mother up inside. I told my mother she should have left him. I felt her pain but I hated the fact that she made him go on guilt trips. She would have saved us all the fear and the insecurity we always felt in those tumultuous growing up years if she had taken control of her own destiny and walked out.

I don't hate my father. I think that when people fall in love outside of marriage, it is not that they do it intentionally to hurt their spouse. It is because something has broken down in the marriage itself that cannot be repaired.

Even when people do cheat I believe they should either work on their marriage or get a divorce...not keep cheating...when people keep cheating I don't know why but I get a little angry even if I have nothing to do with...probably because it reminds me of my past

I understand what you are saying. I see your point. Fact is, many of us who get into an affair already feel the guilt, the shame and the pain. There is no need to heave a rock into the well and crush us even if in your heart you cannot find any compassion for people like us.

I'm not trying to be judgmental or mean or anything...I just express my opinion...it's not like I call anyone names or any thing...hope I didn't offend you or anyone else for that matter

No, you did not call people names. I am also conscious that I may be reacting too strongly to what you are saying. I just think that value laden words like 'cheating' could be left alone and not used here on people who are genuinely trying to recover and get their lives back. Many of us have suffered for what we have done. Not just for ourselves, but also in causing pain to the ones involved in this love triangle.

I guess it depends on how you interpret the things I say...especially since you can't really listen for a tone...but I assure you that everything I say is in a normal, neutral tone...it's not like when I use the word 'cheating' I'm wrong...I'm sure what other words I could use

3 More Responses

Dear nitrolove,

I understand how you feel, in certain ways.

My husband(H)and I separated but he still comes to see his son. He and I are just civil now. My MM has gone back to his W, after she found out about us. I have a very deep connection with him and I believe him when he says he will never forget about me, even if we can't be together.

I can sense that my H is making an effort to get back with me. However, so much has happened I don't think it is possible any more. Ever since my MM came into my life, I have no more room to accept anyone else's love (in the man-woman sense). My H and I are more like friends now.

It does get very very lonely. And I suppose that is the crux of my problem. Loneliness is hard to bear. I had a very lonely childhood and not many friends. I guess it has always been this way. Thus, it gets harder to break out and cheer myself up. It is also true that because my circle is so small, the feelings I have towards the 'right man' that came along are very very intense.

There's always something to learn about ourselves through our experience.

Keep writing. I am here.