It’s Okay Now, Little Boy By: Roxanna Denise Williams“Mommy Zeydace” Hargrove awoke to the sound of whimpering from the nursery across the hall. She’d always had difficulty waking up in the past, ever since she could remember. But things had changed since she had “adopted” her “son,” Ben. She was always filled with joy and excitement when her consciousness surfaced from the depths of sleep to greet her little boy! Usually he would cry as soon as he woke up because he was hungry and needed his breakfast. He was such a good boy that dirty diapers didn’t even seem to faze him anymore, though at first it had taken him some getting used to being unable to change himself. That morning, Zeydace could tell that the whimpering was not a conscious sound produced by her baby boy out of hunger. He was having a bad dream! Jumping out of bed, Zeydace threw on her lacy robe and dashed across the hall into the nursery. In his oversized crib, Ben was squirming in his sleep and muttering unintelligibly. His pacie had fallen out of his mouth and was sitting in a puddle of drool on the “just in case pad” below his head. Zeydace leaned over Ben, her large, firm breasts all but tumbling from her silky negligee below her low cut robe as she reached to caress her little boy’s face. “Ben, Sweetheart. It’s okay; wake up. It’s okay. Mommy’s here. It was just a bad dream.” Ben’s beautiful dark eyes slowly opened. Tears streamed down his smooth cheeks (rendered so by laser hair removal months ago.) He mewled wordlessly, like the good boy he was. His vocabulary by then only consisted of a few dozen words, including the one he then uttered, “Mommy!” “Shhh.” Zeydace soothed. She lowered the rail of his crib and lifted him out, scooting him into her lap in the crib side rocker. It wasn’t difficult for her to carry and lift Ben, since his seldom-used, neuroleptic-stiffened muscles had atrophied quite a bit. Also, she had been working out in her spare time in her home gym, which was in the third bedroom right next door to Ben’s nursery. She had to always be available for him whenever he needed her, since he was totally and completely dependent upon her for everything. She loved this fact, and she relished every moment she spent with her baby boy, including this one. She held Ben in her arms and cuddled him. “It’s okay, Ben, honey. It was just a bad dream,” she cooed. Eventually, Ben calmed down enough to where Zeydace could tend to his heavily soiled overnight diaper, which was, as always, about to leak. Sometimes it did leak, but that was okay. The disposable white mats with their blue plastic backing (aka, “just in case pads”) always protected his Elmo sheets. She lifted him onto the adult sized changing table and laid him down carefully, supporting his head so he didn’t bump it. She gave him his light blue pacie again as she undid the snaps on his onesie. His legs were smooth and soft thanks to hair removal. Mommy Zeydace untaped the six tapes across the front panel of his thick, soaked and loaded diaper. The tape tabs were blue and the front of the diaper was emblazoned with teddy bears, toy trucks, and rattles, which were indeed some of Ben’s favorite toys. At one time, Zeydace preferred the diapers with only two tapes- one on each side. But, because of her son’s heavy urine and poopy output (especially at night) he needed a heavier duty diaper with the thickest padding possible to keep him comfortable during the night so he wouldn’t get diaper rash. As she lovingly talked to her son, Zeydace wiped the poopy and pee from Ben’s bottom with baby wipes. She made sure to clean carefully around his bottom, his pee-pee, and his other “boy parts,” all of which were hair free, just like his face and legs. Ben made eye contact with his Mommy as he sucked on his pacie. On his face was the look of sheer awe and adoration for his Mommy Zeydace. He knew she loved him more than any other woman ever could, even his “birth parents.” Unlike them, Zeydace wanted him to stay in diapers forever and never, ever leave her. He would never grow up now that Zeydace had gone to such great and certain lengths to regress him to the age of 3 months. Once she was done wiping Ben, she waited a moment for him to dry before she re-diapered him. She blew on him softly to aid in the drying process, which caused him to giggle around his pacie and playfully kick his legs. She couldn’t keep him un-diapered for very long, because he was totally incontinent with regards to both his bladder and bowels. Sometimes, he would have accidents while she was changing him, but it was okay, even when pee squirted in her face. He had a good-sized “fire hose” for a 3-month-old! She loved her little son so much that she would just giggle right along with him when he wet or poopied while she was changing him. He was just too sweet!
Once she had washed up, she put Ben in his specially engineered playpen that was large enough to help him feel secure while he played, propped up on pillows since he couldn’t quite sit on his own. He would often take his plastic and foam blocks and bang then together and squeal with delight. He would babble to his reflection in the unbreakable elephant-shaped mirror that dangled from the toy gym fastened to the wall of his playpen. He could hear his Mommy Zeydace in the kitchen humming and singing to herself as she readied his breakfast. He was a hungry boy, and as such paid little attention to Yo Gabba Gabba on the TV.
Finally, it was his favorite time of the morning, breakfast time! Mommy carried him from his playpen and into the kitchen, where she strapped him into his highchair. She pulled up a stool to bring her to the height of her son, as his chair had to be high enough above the ground so his feet couldn’t reach the floor, lest he accidently kick his chair backwards and get a booboo! She had for him a plastic, blue bowl with airplanes, trains, and cars around the rim. It was filled with rice cereal. Another similar bowl held pureed bananas. Both were mixed with Mommy Zeydace’s expressed breast milk. Ben loved his mommy’s milk for which she’d taken shots at the doctor’s so she could produce it just for her son. Zeydace fed him spoonful by spoonful once she put his Bob the Builder bib on him. Ben really liked being fed this way, and didn’t even mind the slightly bitter aftertaste of the crushed-up Haldol pills Mommy put in his baby food to help him relax and sleep, since even after all of this time, Ben still got a little antsy and distressed because of his helplessness. Once all of the cereal and bananas were gone, Zeydace fed Ben his prunes, which were laced with a laxative that would help Ben poopy in his diapers better. Finally, once most of the food was eaten, with some of it on Ben’s smiling face, Mommy wiped his cheeks and chin clean and took him from his highchair. Instead of putting him in his playpen, she sat down in her glider in the living room and partially undid her robe. Sliding down the straps of her negligee, Zeydace exposed her full, heavy right breast. Ben squealed with joy, for, even though his tummy was all full, he was SO thirsty, and only one thing could really quench his thirst! Mommy helped him latch on, and he was careful not to bite down on her too hard as he rubbed his tongue against the little hard ball of her erect nipple. He put his hand on the side of the breast, and Mommy Zeydace placed hers partially atop his and astride it somewhat, too, so she could massage the milk out for him. He greedily sucked on her with great force, nearly choking on the cascades of sweet, warm, mother’s milk his mommy very willingly produced for her baby boy. As is often the case, Ben fell asleep at his mommy’s breast, his medicine carrying him deep into dreamland. His complete incontinence caused him to have a bowel movement and wet himself at nearly the same time then, soaking his diaper so forcefully that it dribbled out down his leg just a bit. Mommy wiped up the runny mess with the light blue burp cloth she kept handy when she was nursing Ben. His mommy carefully closed her negligee and robe, and then carried Ben to his nursery and changing table. He awoke just a little as she untaped his diaper. A slight twinge of worry flickered in the back of his mind. It sometimes still disturbed him to be without his diaper. He would often flash back to his horrible previous life, when he had to live inside the body of a grown man and act like one. He remembered his Birth Parents scolding him when they caught him wearing diapers as a young teen. He almost had a flashback to that time, but, thankfully, Mommy finished cleaning him up just in time to press the padded comfort of a nice, fresh diaper against his skin, enveloping him in soft freedom from the big, bad world and all of the unsympathetic people in it that just didn’t understand that Ben was still a helpless, incontinent Baby Boy. But, his Mommy Zeydace knew, and she always would.
To Be Continued…