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My Experience..

Reading the other experiences on here breaks my heart, because I'm going through the same thing. I am 23 years old. I met my current partner when I was 18 and have been with him ever since. To the whole world he's funny, outgoing, and the life of the party. With me he's controlling, manipulative, jealous and abusive. I cry myself to sleep almost every night, wondering why me? why can't I move on? why do I love him so much? He's physically and emotionally abusive, and when I try to leave he turns into the sweetest man I know. Which makes me believe he will change, and since I "love" him, I always end up staying. I feel stuck and I feel obsessed with him every time He rejects me or hits me..as If I can't live without him. My self esteem is on the floor, I feel ugly like I don't deserve to be happy. He controls every where i go, Everyone i talk to, Everything I do. I Feel trapped. I don't know how to leave...
CagedBird87 CagedBird87 22-25 6 Responses Jun 10, 2011

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I am girl speaking here and only interested in men. I don't agree with homosexuality and bisexual, so please do not talk to me about it. I met this great guy online. We were talking every day. One day, I didn't trust him and I do not trust any man, except the men in my family. I have guys looks at women and tell me about it. One day I was like I don't know if he cheating or not because he has not contacted me in two days. I messaged all of his friends on his Facebook. I didn't know he had a child because he was not ready to tell me that, but I got pictures of his child on his shoulder a year ago on Christmas, but I ignore it. Then I found his exgirlfriend's mom on Facebook and she came after me saying they were married, but it was not true. She blocked me. She was a crazy lady. Then her brother was saying they live together, but he confessed and said they do not live together, but he made me mad. The exgirlfriend's brother's fiance attacked me saying he was worthless, druggy and then she confessed she did not know him at all. They lived together for seven years, but her family told me that they never met him, so what is that about. She would run off with his child and go see her family, but he did not know about it. He told me right away that he lived with her seven years. I helped him with the break up. He was taking to long, so I was fooling around with other guys because I wanted the pain to go away because I didn't think he loved anymore. I lived with a guy, that hit me in the stomach with his children around, he hit me in the arms twice, he corned me in closets to threaten me, he was always cheating on me and my abusive exboyfriend has a restraining order him and I did it to him too. I always had night mares of my abusive exboyfriend putting his hands on my throat and mouth to hush up and he really did that to me. The boyfriend I have now was calling my grandma to see where I was at. He messaged me to see if I was ok. My abusive exboyfriend knew I didn't love him of course not because he beat me. My boyfriend now lightened up my world by sending me sweet things. I flew to see him and everything was perfect. I truly know he cares about me because he still wants me after I was with my abusive exboyfriend. He missed voice, so he was listening to my voice messages. I just really love him. He told me he loves me first. I am glad I dated other guys to get that experience out of the way, but he was not ready to be with me because he was trying to get over his exgirlfriend at the time. I am so happy he said I helped him get over his exgirlfriend. I will give you more details later on.

Add me and see how my exboyfriend abused me and I got through it.

I know how you feel , not being able to leave , not knowing why you can't do it when they treat you so bad . I have been with my partner for over 9 years , and he has been abusive from the start it was mental abuse to start with then when he new he could control me had beaten me down that's when he started the physical abuse it's not all the time like the mental abuse but when it's physical it's bad , he kicked me in the stomach so hard that I could not feel my legs and could not breath or scream for help that gave him time to think bout what he would do next and he sat on me and smashed my head of the floor repeatedly I did not have the breath in my body to beg him to stop , I could feel my eyes rolling back in my head I thought I was going to die that night . It was my 2year old son at the that time that stopped him all the noise had woke him he was sat on the stairs watching this man beat his mommy I truly believe my son saved me and it breaks my heart that over the years my son has had to save me meny times . Even after all these times of being beaten driven in to and dragged down the full length of my street trying not to get dragged under his car I still married this man gave up my home my job and allowed him to take me and my son away from our family I have nothing now I'm lost trapped and feel dead inside most of the time I wish I was dead . Please please find a way to leave you man . Your still young no one desevers to be treated like that don't let him take your life away

i know how u feel hun my ex was exactly the same he use to abuse me physically sexually emotionally and verbally i went through it for 10 months before i had the courage to leave him and i am pressin charges and hes makin my life hell still tryin to get me to drop the charges i hope it gets better and justice will be done so i can move on and get my life bk as at the moment with everythin he is doin he is still controllin my life and makin me ill its like im trapped still i found that talkin on womens aid help me maybe u should try it and i hope u r ok and if u ever need someone to talk to im here to be honest i need someone to talk to as no one knows how i feel they havent been through it and dont understand <br />
well hope tp here from you soon

You are not ugly, you are a strong women to have put up with everything you have and still be alive. Many Phyiscally abused women die for the abuser. Remember that you are strong that you can do whatever want. I am right there with you. he just hasn't started hitting me yet. I know it will happen one day but that still doesn't give the strength to leave. I understand. I am her for you. remember that you are not alone there is someone out there. There are resources for you to get out, when you are ready. Just remember what he says about you isn't true. That is his way of controlling you. He tells you that you are fat and ugly and worthless so you won't leave so you will think that no one will have you. Remember that. None of it is true that is just how he controls you. Find ways to get around it. Become creative with ways to get around his control. It is a big world out there, there is ways to hide stuff. Like this for example, does he know that you tell the world about how he treats you? NO he doesn't. Be creative if you have a job, lie about hours that you have work, find a tribe (support group, people at work) and build that tribe, let that tribe make you strong. it will not always be like this, there is a end, There is a light at the tunnel. Just remember he can't know what you are doing all the time. It's impossible. trickery is you best bet to survival. I hope you take these words to heart because this is how i survive and it works. BE CREATIVE, you are strong, and beautiful and smart. Even if he never tells you that. There has to be something great about you, he wants to destroy it right? so there has to be something there that makes he insecure. Find it, use it, do not be scared you already at rock bottom what do you have to lose. I wish you luck comrade.

You are not ugly, you are a strong women to have put up with everything you have and still be alive. Many Phyiscally abused women die for the abuser. Remember that you are strong that you can do whatever want. I am right there with you. he just hasn't started hitting me yet. I know it will happen one day but that still doesn't give the strength to leave. I understand. I am her for you. remember that you are not alone there is someone out there. There are resources for you to get out, when you are ready. Just remember what he says about you isn't true. That is his way of controlling you. He tells you that you are fat and ugly and worthless so you won't leave so you will think that no one will have you. Remember that. None of it is true that is just how he controls you. Find ways to get around it. Become creative with ways to get around his control. It is a big world out there, there is ways to hide stuff. Like this for example, does he know that you tell the world about how he treats you? NO he doesn't. Be creative if you have a job, lie about hours that you have work, find a tribe (support group, people at work) and build that tribe, let that tribe make you strong. it will not always be like this, there is a end, There is a light at the tunnel. Just remember he can't know what you are doing all the time. It's impossible. trickery is you best bet to survival. I hope you take these words to heart because this is how i survive and it works. BE CREATIVE, you are strong, and beautiful and smart. Even if he never tells you that. There has to be something great about you, he wants to destroy it right? so there has to be something there that makes he insecure. Find it, use it, do not be scared you already at rock bottom what do you have to lose. I wish you luck comrade.