20 Year Nightmare

I was very young I don't remember how old exactly but I think I was younger then eleven  when I was brought to this guys house and told I was going to marry him one day. I was left there alone with him for the night and he introduced me to sex telling me that one day we would be married and have a baby so he wanted to get me started on our life together.

It wasn't long before I was spending many nights there, all through my teenage years he was my dark secret. I felt ashamed and guilty for having this secret lover though I thought I loved him. At times he would be sweet and caring but then he could change if something set him off. He was extremely jealous and if I even talked to boy and he saw me I would be punished by him.

At one point he tried to let his friends sleep with me for money but that ended because he was too jealous for that. He blamed me for cheating on him when he was the one who brought them over in the first place. I never had much of a choice, I either gave him what he wanted or he'd try to force me. Sometimes he'd succeed and if he didn't he'd make my life hell until I gave in.

I was 13 he made me dress like a boy and throw out all of my girl things so boys would stay away from me. Often times when I disobeyed him he would get violent, threaten to kill people I loved or just rape me (or make me think he was going to). He loved fear. He loved to make me scared of him and take everything good from my life.

I had been with this man since I was 10 years old so and until a few years ago I didn't even realize I was in an abusive relationship. I married him at 16 and we never had a baby but he blamed that on me too. But the thing I never realized was that he was controlling my life on such a level that most of my problems were stemming from this. I hadn't any friends because he chased them all off, I couldn't go anywhere or do anything without him thinking I was going to cheat on him (another way to control me) so I was bored all the time. He made me quit jobs, school, and anything I found that I enjoyed.

About a month ago I met someone special, a real freind who was the one who helped me see the situation for what it was. Finally last Friday I left my old relationship for good, never to go back. I have one real friend in this world and quickly realizing I have many more on my side, some I have hurt in the course of the years as my abuser made me believe they were using me. But most of them when I tell them what I have been through have forgiven me and are very understanding and supportive.

I didn't even realize until I was away from him how oppressed I really was, I think because I had been in it for so long and was so young when this began that I didn't even know I was in prison anymore.

Alexmarcus Alexmarcus 26-30, F 3 Responses Sep 22, 2009

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I can relate to your story, though mine began when I was 13. I was controlled exactly the same way, not allowed to work, have friends, or go out without him. Often as not when we went out, he would sabotage everything, be rude to people and make me not want to go anywhere with him. This is their control, keep you separate for themselves. Did he also contradict his control methods? Mine wouldn't let me work; later when we were fighting he would say I was just using him for money and food. Anyways its comforting to know i'm not alone, at least one person has been through similar experiences as me; and i'm guessing many more like us are out there, I used to think I was alone.

You have been through so much that you don't see how bad you actually had it. None of those things are normal for a person to do to a child. Even if your ex has a good side to him, you must see it for what it was-------a CRIME. He took everything away from you and he's not been punished for that. He will do it again to someone else unless he is brought to justice. I feel so bad for you. I know right now you are probably just at a point where all you can do is take it day by day. I sincerely hope you get the mental therapy help you need to get over what was done to you. You have my sincerest best wishes for your future!

So happy you got away from him!