...I have spent the better part of my marriage trying to be accepted by my husband's parents.....they never approved of me....I expended years of energy and anguish trying to be and do what everyone expected...all in my quest for acceptance....throughout this time, I managed to systematically push my real self down deep that it took until my forties to really start seeing this woman who was trying to come that I've let her out again, and began reconnecting with her, I've realized that she is likeable....loveable, even....

After all these years...her presence has since caused indescribable turmoil in my relationships...because I've stopped being the person they all expected, and now I'm simply being me....I'm not different...they just never knew me.....

In return, I have steadfastly refused to judge people in any matter how I saw them.....of course, we as humans will always notice facts about people...such as things that make us different from each other...but that is simply taking note of is not judging...and I will never judge another...I know too well how it feels to be judged,,,,,

It's not nice....

So I always accept people for who they are... if their "facts" and my "facts" don't mesh, then fine....let's go our own way...but I will accept that too...
NotHisBabydoll NotHisBabydoll
46-50, F
14 Responses Mar 23, 2012

It is a fools errand to live your life for the acceptance of others, as others are never satisfied! Unfortunately they have to satisfy their own egos. You have one obligation in this life we have been given. Live your life as you see fit. Right or wrong, you can never be told you are courageous!

Thank you...I am doing just that, now! :)

You are NOT courageous ( sorry)

Good for you

Thanks, you! :)

I hear ya! It was that moment, when I started being really true to who I was, that spelled the end of a miserable marriage and the opening of new roads all leading in a thousand different myself!

This is such an interesting psychological process -- reconnecting with the woman (the person) who was trying to come out. I guess the first things I wonder about are: How long had the “real you” been repressed? Was she totally repressed, even when the in-laws weren’t around? And, especially, how long did it take you to feel that you had reconnected?

you dont judge? then why did you only give me an 8.5 on my response to one of your questions??!! :P the joking aside now...we are all glad you found that woman inside and let her come out to play!

My in-laws are the same way. I can honestly say that there has not been one time that I've seen my h's dad that has not ended in a fight between he and I. Then again, I realized it's not my problem. He hates women in general. I cannot change myself.

I try hard not to judge.. though it doesn't always work. But I'm always willing to give someone I just met the benefit of the doubt. :)

Good post. Great attitued to have. Were all different and should embrace that.

Thank you! ;-)

I agree with these words some times (most really) people in my path seem to think they are so much better than me.......and in all truth they put the pants on just like me 1 leg at a time.

Right! We all do!! ;)

very well said.

Awesome! I try very hard not to judge but have, at times, slipped up. I always feel guilty about it.

The first lesson that I remember learning was C Y A. No one can do for you what you can do for you (The real you). Wonderful article, thank you for sharing.

I am just now trying to get to a point in my life where I don't feel that I have to do or be perfect. How do you get there? I have spent 22 years trying to appear to have the perfect life. It has made me bitter and judgemental. I have begun to isolate myself afraid of interacting with friends or famly out of fear of everything I say. Half of the time I don't realize how something sounds until I replay it in my head later and then beat myself up about it for days.

i really don't know yet how to get there....i'm only now realizing my own worth,...recognizing that i was always worthy of respect, and that it was their problem if they couldn't give has not been easy, but i'm learning.....better late than never....and if you figure it out before me, please share!!!! Best of luck to us both!!!

I would say that you have to be yourself, "what it is what it is". You can not ruin your life trying to fix it with what the other say or feel, you have got to be your own self, how about they change for you, so just be you, except me or not.

Well i read a quote long time ago and will share it with you......" I cannot tell you a formula for success, but I can tell you a formula for failure - try to please everyone"....i have tried to please everyone in my life and have failed to make everyone have finally given up and am trying to be some importance to my own self again and not being too concerned about how it may make others feel about me....<br />
It can be so depressing when all one's efforts go unrecognized....<br />
I wonder if 40s is the time when one takes a fresh look at what's not right in one's life and try to make it better for one's own self rather than others.........

I would have to agree with that feels good to be concerned with your own happiness, doesn't it? Thanks for the comment