Hi, I'm Jane. I know you'll probably won't read this unless you're not superficial! So I have a little story. (Btw if you have any experience that involves preferring one's personality over the looks or liking bigger people, than you might wanna read this.)

I'll probably lose friends (bc I already did) or at least decrease the opportunity to make new friends (maybe you can't see it in the photo) but yeah I'm fat, I weight 200lbs. I haven't had a boyfriend for a really long time because of it and I'm sorry but I really think that that's stupid. You CAN love someone even if they're bigger or fatter. The fat doesn't keep you from loving one's personality, it doesn't overcome what really matters, which is the personality. Imagine if you actually fell in love with someone online, like here on EP, but it happened that they were heavier? If you met them, would you instantly stop loving them? Is that what you're saying? That is so wrong. Us bigger people deserve to be deeply loved as well.
And I'm sorry if I'm finally fine about it and accept it after 5 years of suffering and tears and self-harming! I finally accept who I am and that's really good so I need to make friends (and boyfriends)! Anyone 15-18 who's willing to give it a try with me? Oh and girls (or boys) too because I need friends to support me haha!

Much love xx
jayissosadlike jayissosadlike
18-21, F
51 Responses Feb 15, 2015

I am about your size. 5'4" and 200 lbs- it does not define me... I am lovely not for my looks, but because of what is in my heart. I am a woman of color, which I think makes me lucky, because to be curvy is more accepted. I grew up with role models such as Queen Latifah and Monique, both of whom I shared with my best friend who is heavier.

My best friend met her husband in college, after no boyfriends. He came up to her, and asked her out. They dated from then til marriage and are still together with children. She is heavier than I am, but that does not impact our relationship or the fact that she is happily married and has been for years.

Hold on to your beauty, it will be recognized. Best to you J-Lady :-).

Hi. It does not matter about size, co?our or looks. A person radiates from the heart, if friends don't talk to you they were never friends in the first place. I feel quite sure that you will come out on top. Good luck to you and go out and prove them all wrong..

You actually not fat but wear a t shirt that is really big.
Glad you have accepted yourself and that is a very good place to be. :)

Hey baby

Jay you look fine to me, how can you say ur fat. A rushed photo in a toilet???
Hate theT-shite.
Sweety, I could bring the goddess out ofya.

Style stands out a mile, enjoy your persona, create your TRUE self, be as batty as you like, laugh at the world, it will timidly provoke them to do the same.

Were you 200 pounds in that picture??? You DO NOT look fat at all xD

I know I know!! Bad picture, it's dark but I swear I am, I'm 200lbs and 5'3

You look at least like 5'4"?? xDD don't worry so much!

The key is to just be happy in your own skin. There are a lot of guys who are looking for a girl who is funny, sexy, outgoing, adventurous, smart, and a good listener. If she happens to be as thin as a supermodel well then that's nice, but its far better to have all the aforementioned qualities in a 200 lb girl than be stuck with a supermodel uberbitch. I know as I've been down both pathways and I definitely would pick a fun, smart sexy girl who loved me over a gold-digger who was skinny but had nothing else going for her. So stay the course and love yourself. Until you love yourself, its difficult for someone else to...

U got to be careful with online dating. There's alot I freaks out there.

The way dating and love works is different between online and real.
In real, guys (and girls too, but 'people' as a subject is too long to type a lot) choose a girl to walk up to and start talking to by how they look. this doesn't seem logical to you, because you know that you are a good person who isn't pretty, so why should guys look for only physical beauty?
Think of it this way.
To the average guy, dating fat girls LOOKS like digging through mud with bare hands in search of gold, when they could walk a few feet away and search for gold in a convenience store.
For many guys your age, looks are a lot more important than personality.
They haven't had the experience yet to know that even though a girl is pretty, its not worth that superficial beauty to keep dating a crazy chick.
To put it in a way my book-loving self understands most-
Dating a fat girl would be like reading the best Japanese novel of all time, but it was translated using google translate and not a professional translator who actually knows what they are doing. It would read like "Donkey of the antarctic monkey howling used to breathe more freelies" vs "He stood valiantly at the forefront of the chilling arctic wind, shielding the nearly frozen soldiers behind him from certain death."
Its hard.

Aw okay, thanks for everything, that was really good ^^

You're not fat! I like you FINE JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! You're pretty cute...to me! 😊

There's nothing wrong with being who you are. I can always appreciate personality over looks. being true to yourself is more important than fitting an image. Peace....

I am just so happy you are feeling better. Love yourself that is the key. When you are confidant and love yourself it is so attractive. As for falling in love that transcends weight, height, colors, and such. If I was 15-18 I would holla girl. Keep up all the good work and f anybody who wants to pick on you or be a douche bag

This is an amazing little story :) You're awesome and gorgeous! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. ✌️❀️

you have great hair! Don't cut it!

hahah, nice way to avoid everthing she said.

Agreed... :/

You have a big shirt so no one can tell. Wear a dress that has an empire waist will look nice on you. And men like bbw. It's the self harm attitude not the size that prob has guys scared of you.

Hey there sweetie I'm transgendered but that don't stop me being happy you are a beautiful girl if I was your age I would be chasing you keep your chin up babe you will find love xxxx love Sarah xxxxoooo

I support you. :)

Hey I'm kind of big too, but that's not why I don't have a gf. I just haven't found what I'm looking for. I'm glad to hear you've accepted your body for what it looks like. You can always run a little to burn off some calories. I struggle with going to the gym and losing weight. But the first step is admitting to yourself that your overweight. Second step is doing something about it. I'm not here to tell you how to live. I'm a little over the age limit for friends. Being 22 I've learned a lot about love and life. I'm sure I can help you along the way to finding your soulmate. If not have fun on ep and be happy with who you are.

You are beautiful :)

I am an older man not into young girls.
I can tell you true that there are guys that can and will love you. But you need to have a smile on your face and in your heart to give the guy a reason to look into your heart and see how good you are. A sad face and a sad look in your eyes chase every one away.
A number of my ladies were a lot bigger then you and I loved them very much. God took them or I would still be with them.

Oh dear I'm glad you accepted it after all those suffering. I'm over 200lbs but I guess I'm in the crowd where people don't really mind tho there are still some people who seems hesitant when around me. I hope the best for you!!

Let's look at the real world we live in. You're 16 or 17. It's an age where most girls feel insecure about their appearance.
Now look at women who are a few years older than you. Most are married. Fat ones, skinny ones, all in between. Smart ones, dumb ones, beautiful ones, average ones. Same with the guys. They find people who love them just the way they are. We're all the same in the final analysis. Focus on doing something with your life, not on your appearance. Love your family, your friends, your country Help others that aren't as fortunate as yourself. Love thyself and others will love you too. That's the real world.

Thanks for posting. I'm old enough to more than be your dad but have dated a lot, been married, and have tried to grow spiritually as much as I can. It sounds to me like you have had a huge breakthrough on your path to happiness. You may be on track to gain everything you seek. Beauty does not come from a figure; happiness will not result from having the 'right' body shape.

You know what is really unattractive? Five years of tears and self harm. I've been around the block and I can promise you one thing - there is a good person for you if you will first be a healthy half. If you commit to being happy (which for me means working a spiritual program, in a broad sense, not a religious one) not only will your inner light show the way to your heart for the right person, but you may change in many ways. If you commit to eating foods that make you happy and that are fulfilling, there is a good chance you will no longer feel heavy. You don't look too big now and if you committed to being happy and healthy, there is every chance your whole body and presence will transform.

I recently had the 'pleasure' of meeting a woman who is 52 years old and is very heavy and has men hanging on each finger. She is not a healthy person and I do not suggest this; I only write it to show that size does not rule all. If you concentrate on your inner light and making it stronger and healthier and brighter you will be in control of your relationships, romantic and otherwise. You will also be able to forge a healthy relationship with food and movement.

You can choose. Everyday we all do. Only a tiny fraction of our choices are intentional - most come from our background programming. By working on your inner light you will choose to run healthier programming. Depending on how you cultivate your inner light, you can attract anything you want.

You have your whole life ahead of you. As many loves and lovers as you want, as many experiences and achievements as you want. The blessings of life are ripening on the tree for you right now and all you have to do is be in a position to pick them. No one can do this for you. Your happiness is ready and waiting; you can choose to harvest this. No doubt, it is damn hard work with no guarantee of anything - that is the scary part - letting go and trusting in your inner light.

I have found much value in traditional Chinese writings and tools for growth. There is a strong tradition within the Islamic world with the various Sufi traditions and stories. There are paths within Christianity although I find spiritual messages hidden pretty deeply from many generations of male dominated power games of narcissists with the Christian tradition. Jews have a mystical tradition. All peoples everywhere have seen the moon and can point fingers at the moon. But none of that is the moon itself - there are tools which will help you. But the tool is not what is important - it is the work you do with the tool.

You can. Call it what you want, I choose to call it the inner light today, but if you commit to what is real and to what is healthy and to your own happiness, and do the work required which will be revealed along your pathway, then you will be a traveler. One more thing - don't settle for some bum or any abusive person at all. Build your inner you and don't settle for crappy people - there are many very bad people out there, vampires of all sorts, abusers and cold souls. Don't let these people in - you are worth so much more. Please believe me - there are vampires who will suck your life away if you let them. Know you are beautiful and that your good and true path is laid already. There are psychopaths waiting for you - not the serial killer type, but people without empathy and incapable of love or creating solid relationships. Don't fall for some BS sweet talk. These people are everywhere. Your inner light can keep you safe if your build it stronger and trust it.

Sorry, I didn't mean to get long winded. Your post grabbed me. I send encouragement and a wish for you to have the strength to embrace your inner light, or whatever you want to call it.

Best to you. MM

Wow, the best text anyone wrote. Thank you so much and yeah I will try to find my inner light πŸ˜ŒπŸ™

There is nothing at all wrong with being big, & there's nothing wrong with accepting yourself for it. You're very strong for doing so! But hun you don't need to announce it that big people deserve love I'm pretty sure everyone knows that (: and if they don't they are ignorant and very arrogant and aren't deserving of love themselves! I don't really see why you'd lose friends over it either?
Anyway, I say more power to you girlie! You're freaking awesome! & you're absolutely stunning. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

aw omg thank you so much!! That means a lot πŸ™ˆπŸ’•

You're so very welcome! I'm glad πŸ’–

Your absolutely correct I have dated girls bigger than you (and I don't think your big at all) but every girl I have ever dated or have been friends with has nothing to do with there looks it has to do with there personality and how they treat others I would rather be with a girl I am happy to be with than the super model girl who's crap I have to put up with on a daily basis. I believe in treating others with respect and hope to receive that respect back if not there is no reason to continue with that person even if there popular and quote unquote perfect. I'd rather have one or two real friends than twenty so called friends. Good luck on your search for a mate anyone would be lucky to have a girl like you.

How did I do that

Were and when I joined a few hours ago not sure what your referring too you must have me confused with someone else

Your very welcome jay

Sorry that was for someone else

Wow that was really inspirational thanks a lot :) xx

2 More Responses

The truth is actually that looks do matter. Most men and society frown on fat people. Even though it is true that the personality is more important, looks do matter to pretty much everyone. Also, self harming? Really? You clearly have a great life (you own advanced electronic equipment, travel, and probably more)! So come on! You could devote time to losing weight instead of trying to get into a LDR.

Thanks for the comment

Um, no problem? At least you are being honest and accepting my post for what it is...

Of course, gotta respect everyone's opinion :D have a great day

No offense, but I think they are right about larger people being jolly. Thanks.

That's true, we do have to appreciate everything around us haha! πŸ˜„ any time :)

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You ARE beautiful. We all have insecurities &/or issues w/ our body, but you know what I've found? The ones who try to put others down the most are the ones who are most insecure. So when someone tries to put you down or don't want to be w/ you "bc of your weight", just smile pat them on the back & thank them for not wanting to be a part of your life bc you don't need to babysit their feelings & that they should seek help. But regardless, you ARE beautifulπŸ˜‰

All this support, it's making me confident finally, thank you!! Xx

Keep this up & you'll soon have all the confidence you need my dear

Hey, you can message me. I don't care how you look. It is the content of you heart that people should be looking at. And I agree completely with your entire story. Someone should not judge you based on how you look or if you are bigger or heavier.

Thanks for reading and thanks for the support

Can we be friends??

Yes! You are BEAUTIFUL. Weight means NOTHING. Keep being your BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL SELF!

thanks for the support!! *.*

Hi Jane, dont worry because some of have a good feeling towards fat pple.i have experience and believe fat people have a heart as fat as their body. I mean they have a good heart to welcome pple around them and to keep pple. I had a fat friend and because of her I love every fat person I see. We love you buddy

Awwwww thanks!πŸ’•πŸ’•

Hey there!When I read your post,It took me back to my high school years.I can totally relate to what your going through.When I looked at your pic, I saw the complete opposite of what you wrote.You have to first love yourself before you can let a boyfriend love you. Also,confidence will put you on.Once YOU accept who you are and are confident about who you are,you wont give a hoot what people say..Keep smiling, Keep being beautiful, Keep being you!

thank you so much!! i am indeed in high school :) thanks again for reading

I also see in that pic you have a bag..I love to shop!Very good quality to have..

Good for you for loving yourself. You are beautiful, honey, and I really mean that.

omg thank you so much... you can't imagine how good that feels to read πŸ˜ŒπŸ’–


your story is a great inspiration for a lot of people! thanks for sharing!

No, thank YOU! :)

im sorry you hurt. im older, but i wish people could understand.

me too, thanks :)

hi Jane i read you story and ii completely understand you. i too used to be fat. and i was often bullied by it so i thought that i had no friends. i hate that people these days judge on looks rather than personality. and i'm sorry you had to experience that . it doesn't matter to me how a person looks i look for their personality traits. people who judge do so because they themselves are judged by other. just don't worry about them because if they can't see the inner beauty within you than they never will. like i always say the only person you can be is you don't have to change foe anybody :) good luck my friend and stay strong.

Aw thanks for reading and supporting me πŸ’• :)

no problem like i said i used to feel the way you feel now just like helping people feel better about themselves is all its my job as a gentleman :)

tsk awww ^^

anytime you need a talk or just wanna forget about those people pm me i'm always available to people in need.

1 More Response

This isn't what you want to hear, but I can't stand people who are for 'fat equality'. Humans were never meant to become fat, we were meant to store a little extra over winters when we were cavemen, but because of the way everything is going it's a lot easier to become fat.
Being fat comes with a lot of health problems down the line, I noticed a lot of fat people have poor hygiene aswell. I'm glad you have accepted the way you are, but now maybe it time to work on improving yourself?

I have the best hygiene, seriously, I'm also one of those people who can't stand dirt or being dirty and I do exercise. So yeah, it's not like I'm saying "you should be fat" because you shouldn't, I know that.

Aw thanks for defending me ladies ^^

I am looking for friends just be yourself I have bedwetting problems and I support you

Cool public bathroom

I am older but will tell you there are people worth our time who will accept you as you are. It takes maturity to look beyond the surface. I am heavy again. My weight yo-yos every few years. I know a few females who are thick and have had good men for several years because they clicked and connected beyond the surface. I have a boyfriend who's much older and heavy than me. He may not be a prize in society but he means something to me. So who cares about superficial people.

If this is you in the picture, I see nothing fat about you. Maybe someone is telling you different, because from what I see your weight looks normal.

It doesn't matter how you look, and you don't really look fat

i HATE people who thinks like "hey she is overweighted and i dont think she is cool" WELL GO **** YOURSELF THEN. im like 40 kilograms(i dont know this lbs thing) and im like 17 and believe me if they want to judge you, they judge you no matter what
because they are ******* stupid morons and im sorry because im swearing but IM SO ANGRY AND i want to kill them or hurt them because they made you cry, made me cry and made us cry im sorry but i hate them

OMG ILY RIGHT NOW HAHA THANKS and 40? you're skinny! I'm like 90kgs!!



I have a few things to say some you may appreciate some you may not want to hear honey. First no matter what anyone says you are beautiful. However don't let this make you bitter. If anything drives people away it's being bitter, standoffish, and being all around negative. I myself am very guilty of this, but I am working really hard to change that about myself. Any opportunity I have to be miserable I've started to try and be positive instead.

Now the other half of this. No matter who you are, you are not going to be everyone's cup of tea. More often then not physical attraction is just as important as emotional attraction. If you want to be loved find someone who likes bigger woman. The comparison you have made about falling in love online and then meeting that person and they are large implies that the person was lying about who they are. Not saying anything about something like that is lie by omission.

I guess what i'm trying to say is honey don't let people's opinions about you change who you are. Finding love is not easy, it took me many years of looking for it to find it. In the off time find something that makes you happy!

Thanks so much
I understand and appreciate everything you just said πŸ’•

Accepting makes you feel more happy, right? It's such a relief feeling. I'm happy for you! And yeah everyone deserves love. If you can find friends and even your soulmate who sees beyond your weight... Wauw than you are truly blessed! I know you are going to meet the right people and they will definitely like the secure person you are!

Oh and your smile! You are Gorgeous!

Aw thanks so much for the support!!

you will find the guy for you one day just be patient..

thanks ^^ and thanks for reading

You're beautiful. Build your self confidence because that's what people notice.
I'm 45 now and I'm no where near a skinny model. I'm heavy but people look at me because of my confidence and they say I intimidate them!
Stop worrying what people think of you. You are doing everything right when you speak out. Smile.

aww thanks!! hugs!

Hunny, just as long as you respect yourself and like yourself for who you are, who care what other people think of you. Don't worry about other people's opinions, it's there loss.

Keep your head up :)

i'll try, thank you so much <3

I know what its like to be fat. At one point I had half the school making fun of me. I think I still have a bit of left over insecurity from those days.

me too, and thanks for reading !

It's absolutely ridiculous that people are so superficial nowadays

******* shallows. thanks for reading!

You've gotten on the road to a happier life when you took that right and accepted who you are.
I've dated many women over my 30 years of dating.
I enjoy women of all sizes. To me what is attractive is a woman's confidence and sexuality. Take pride in yourself, be confident, and enjoy yourself. Try to be healthy, whatever you think that is.
The right man will notice that and will accept everything else.

Praise girl