My 13 year old daughter just came out to me last night that she is bisexual. She didn't intend to tell me but I found out through text messages she was reading to me because of a fight with her friend. She told me she has known she was bisexual for a long time, since she was young. I am accepting of it just lots of questions. I feel I can't talk to anybody about this. I don't thing any of my friends or family would be accepting as I.
MoreBetterMe MoreBetterMe
46-50, F
31 Responses Sep 10, 2015

You are an amazing mother - your love and support for your daughter is going to give her a lot of strength.

I knew when I was in about second grade I was bi. Looking back I thought I was a lesbian till I went through puberty. I then started liking boys. I wasn't at a time or place to be able to embrace being bi. In my 30 I learned to free and honest enough to be okay with being bi. I had a brother who was gay and saw how hard his life was. My mom always said bi are opportunist or confused. I feel lucky I was bi because my life wasn't as hard as my brothers. Now I think Bi is an evolved human that can appreciate a person no matter what sex they are. Stay strong and please only give words of support.

With a mum with such a great attitude she'll be supported and loved whatever happens. You're right, not everyone will be as accepting as you and your daughter may face difficult times ahead. My daughter fell in love with her girl friend and whilst I didn't ever have that in my life plan for her I just accepted it because I love her and it's not a big deal. My friends and family were ok even if some were slightly uncomfortable. The girl friends mum was totally abhorred and so began months of emotional turmoil. I wish you and your daughter well for the future xxx

Just tell her be careful there are too many closed minded people out there

Well, just don't ask too many questions too fast...

That's wonderful, that you're so open and accepting of her sexual orientaton! I often hear about condescending parents that believe their child is just mistaken, led astray, or it's just a phase. She was too worried about your reaction to tell you sooner, so she kept it away from you. I'm very happy for her and you- she's very lucky that her mom is so open about it.

Best wishes to you both

I'm a mother and understand my older daughter told me about her girlfriend when she was 16 nothing changed between us because I love her and she will always be my daughter. Last year she and her partner had a beautiful wedding, and I'm so proud to have been a very big part of their happiness.

There is no reason for other family members not of an immediate nature to know anything about this. Her sexual persuasion is personal matter and your acceptance is what every loving parent does. From my perspective she seems a bit young to have definitively ascertained with absolute certainty her sexual identity. Of course I may be entirely wrong.

I don't think at 13 people know what they like ...across a range of topics. I wouldn't out too much into that

She loves you enough to trust you - good job!

Ur the most coolest mother everXD๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜˜

Just journey with her so she is not fighting alone. Have an open mind set if she shares with you her point of view towards how love could be. Ensure her that she will not lose you for being who she is. It isn't a easy thing to do, my mother did that for me, and I did not give myself up.
God bless :)

I can completely relate. My daughter came out and told me when she was 17. I wasn't as shocked as she thought I would be. To me she is still the same. She is the most amazing girl, regardless of who she chooses to love. I am glad you are supportive and I would love to talk, if you are open to it. Just message me.

I'm not a parent or anything, obviously, but I think I'm in the same situation as your daughter, and I think you're doing the right thing. Recently it accidentally got out to my mom that I was les/bi due to some strange circumstances. I had known for a very long time too and yes, she also had many questions. But she says it's not for her to judge and she accepts me no matter what. I say just be there for your daughter with the decisions she decides to make for her life. And if they are your friends I'm sure they'll be much more accepting than you may think.

I hope she's not active at 13 and please don't encourage it. (Yeah I played doctors and nurses at 8 but I only went round to play hungry hippos!)

I can't believe that you thought it necessary to say such a thing SERIOUSLY!

no...I would never encourage like that with either sex. I did ask her if she has ever kissed a girl and she told me she has never even kissed a boy.

Firt thing my friend is never think about what your frioends are thinking if they are real friends you will know right away as for me i think your doing a great job,, hang in there

Most likely she's not actually bi. She's just trying to fit in with the "fad" of society right now, she probably thinks it's "cool" to be bi since it's all over the media. I have a few gfs who say they've just became bi when they've actually never done anything sexually with a girl...ever. It's just a title they want to be known by.

So are you stating that if a guy and girl don't sleep together, for whatever reason, they must be gay, lesbian, or bi? Think before you speak. You don't know as much as you might like to believe.

I never said that, maybe you should read before you speak. I said they've claimed they're bi and never have been sexual with a girl. They've been very sexual with guys from ages 16-22, and one even said she's only bi because it's a fad, haha. so with that being said its quite obvious they are not really bi. Actually it's just common sense which you seem to lack, maybe you should get the whole story before coming up with these assumption, you know what they about assuming lol. And since I'm friends with them and you don't know **** about them or me, yes, I believe I know a hell lot more than you :)

Great on her for feeling she can talk to you about it!!

People can be mean and make it a lot harder to be open about you sexuality and feel good about yourself

You need to set s good example for your family and celebrate her courage in telling you and make her feel loved as she is.

I was never able to discuss such things with my mother and only could tell my father when he was very old and had memory problems. It felt good to finally be honest with him even if he barely understood.

I know exactly what your worries are. Keep in mind that outside of her safety at home she will encounter all kind of rejection and meanness. Make sure she feels safe at home, and be ALWAYS available for her when she wants to talk about what happens at school and around her.

My 23 yrs. old daughter is bisexual (and she told us 10 yrs. ago), as the years passed I realized as well as she, that if the person conforms to the stereotype of what it is feminine/masculine, the outside world is more "accepting" of his/her "choices". On the other hand, if that is not the case people are mean, rude, and hateful. My 24 yrs. old daughter was a lesbian and androgynous in every way you can imagine. She was attacked verbally and I still believe physically (she never told us about it, we just assumed that was the situation), but at home, with her siblings, my husband and I she felt safe and I want to believe she was happy.

Always remind her to be safe and aware of EVERYTHING around her...

I did ask her if she felt the way she does because it's so much more accepted these days, almost "cool". I had to ask...she said she has known since she was much younger. I let her know how proud I am of her and no matter what I love her and believe in her. I am not hiding under a rock. I have made lots of mistakes in my life, mistakes that has allowed me to evolve into a understanding person/parent. I had a great talk with her last night and it felt good for me to convey my love and understanding to her.

Most beautifully said!

I don't see any problem with a person being bisexual..it's their own choice after all..they have to live their lives, no one else.....people are always judgmental about one or the other thing.....you are doing the right thing, show her you support and accept her... you are a good mother :)

the only problem is other people. she is a smart girl and a blessing in my life.

other people will always be a problem... that's their "job"... you just be with her she'll be alright.. :)

Just be there for her and if the rest of her family loves her they will accept it also and still love her as they always have and they don't oh well it's her life she has to live it the way she wants to make her self happy

Keep on being the wonderful mother I believe you are, & talk openly with her about sex as an adult, a mother, & a trusted friend. Whatever she actually does is her decision, you being there for her is priceless.

For a 13 years old girl, it seems to be a passing phase.

Be there for her, let her know you love her (she's still the same daughter you love). Her heart knows you lover her, make sure her head does too. Listen to her.

thank you.

just accept it as it is she is not old enough in her mind yet to know what she wants all kids go through this stage in life wanting to try other alternatives to the norm as their hormones are rageing at this time of life,
but they will settle down in a couple of years then she will realise what she really wants to be,
dont panic just reasure her and dont talk about her to your family as they probably would ridicule her,
her life is private to her and she's let you in her way have a glimps in to it
if you was bysexual would you have appreciated your perants
telling the rest of your family.no i didnt think so

thank you. I am accepting and my family would not understand. I am glad I know.

I think you are doing the right thing

thank you

you are more than welcome I can tell that you have a good heart

I dont understand why people are so closed minded and judgmental. It makes no sense to me.

people are and that is my main concern. I am ok with whatever her sexuality is I am just worried about how others treat her.

I totally get that. I am not perfect and I have my issues but I try not to judge anybody else for any reason.

No

It is a time when many young people are still trying to establish their sexuality. I do not think it is anything to worry about and I was bi at that age. In the end whether she bats for one team or the other or hits both ways, does it really matter? Support and understanding so she feels secure in herself is the most important thing. Why should the opinions of others matter?

Thank you. I am fully accepting of her and her choices. Just didn't expect to hear that from her. I am most worried about her friend sharing this "secret" with others and the backlash of bullying.

Been there done that. My daughter came out to me that she was a lesbian. But she really wasn't sexually attracted to either. So by her saying this I felt like she was confused in her interests of which sex. She then became bisexual. In which she is today but she is also in a relationship with a guy. Just be there for her.

thank you. I am sad that she didn't open up sooner.

She was afraid of how you would act or your response. Just be her support and have those open arms ready for those rough moments.

Message me if you need to talk.