I Don't Know How I Am Supposed To Live My Life Without My Man.

6 days ago today something worse than my worst nightmare came true. I never want to go to sleep again because I keep thinking that when I wake up it will have been a horrible, horrible dream. But it was not, it was real, and it happened to me. I love animals. I have 2 dogs, 2 bunnies and 4 cats… well I had 4 cats, now I have 3. My first cat, the one that is no longer part of my life, meant more to me than words can express.

Honestly I cared for my animals so much that I did have nightmares – a fire at my house, a violent criminal breaking in and leaving doors open, or even worse harming my precious babies. When I told a friend about these dreams she seemed concerned, and it made me think, maybe if I had talked to someone about this before they would have helped me find ways to keep my babies safe to ease my mind.

I never talked to someone; I chalked it up to my extreme love and attachment. People thought I was crazy; my dogs were NEVER off leashe. My cats NEVER went outside. I thought people who let their cats out were crazy, with all the god-awful things that could happen. As someone pointed out in the weary aftermath… “You kept them so protected there was no other way for it to happen.”

What happened was I killed my cat. The love of my life, the precious being I called my soul mate that I swear took me out of a lengthy and desolate depression that lasted over a decade. This cat saved my life and I took his. I don’t want to live my life without him.

I knew he went in the dryer. He liked his private spot, he like being in my clothes, he liked to be snuggly and warm. He was huge, I never for a second imagined that I would not realize he was in there. I had been trying to keep him out of the laundry room as I was watching a friend’s cat, but he kept wanting to go in there. I had been so cautious of not letting him stay too long because I did not want the cats to fight and hurt each other, but I must have forgot he was in there.

I actually did not have many obligations, or places to be that day, but many things to do. I was preparing for a thesis presentation in two days, I was baking a pie for my best friend who was about to give birth and I still needed the ingredients. I put wash in and headed out for the morning to run errands.

The rest of the day is a blur. I can’t remember if I saw him when I came home. I made the pie. I was a mess and I decided to shower quickly again. I thought to myself, let me get a head start on drying that laundry – I knew the heavy rug I had put in would never dry with just one cycle.

I’ll never know if he was in the dryer twice or once, I’ll never know if he was alive or dead when I shut the door and hit the button. When I came home I felt the rug, it was still wet, I had no idea my beloved was in the wash. I put it on and head a loud noise. I thought to myself that rug must really be wet to make all that noise, and I walked away to shower. This I hate more than anything else. I had a warning. I heard him banging around and I IGNORED IT. I though it was the stupid rug. I hate that rug. When I was ready to leave I went to grab a sweatshirt from the dryer – I saw a patch of white fur and immediately thought OH MY GOD IT WAS ON. I repeated oh my god, oh my god, I knew immediately he was gone when I took him from the dryer and felt how hot he has and how limp his body had become. His eyes were closed. I called the vet hysterical and they told me to just bring him in. I had to call my poor friend to tell her I wasn’t coming and she tried to calm me down in the car. It was not a situation a 9-month pregnant woman should have to handle. I rubbed his fur the whole way there, I know it sounds ridiculous but I swear I smelled a fart and though he might be alive. At the vet they took him from me. They put me in a room because I don’t think they wanted the other pet owners to see how hysterical I was. My vet came out and said he was gone and that she was sorry but there was nothing for her to say. I didn’t want to believe her. And then they asked me what I wanted to do – I didn’t know what they meant. I couldn’t even imagine having to do something with his lifeless body. They asked if I wanted time with him and I said yes. I pet his beautiful face and told him I was so sorry. I noticed his little ear was burned and he had a little blood coming from his nose. When the tech came in to take him she had to send the vet back in because I had so many questions. None of the answers made me feel any better. I had killed my cat. The most amazing life I had ever encountered and I didn’t want to live anymore.

I thought about crashing my car on the way home. I did not want to put anyone else in danger. I didn’t want to make my family hurt. We had lost my mother to suicide when I was a child – she left the house when I wasn’t home and I blamed myself for not stopping her for years. I thought that pain was unbearable but I worked though it, I knew it was not my fault, it eventually became ok.

This will never be ok. My baby will always be gone because of me. I have had such trouble showing affection to any of my other animals. My dogs are trying to comfort me but I just want a cat and my other cats don’t show affection. I’ve even thought about where they would go if I were no longer here to care for them.

When I came home from the vet I came inside and fell to the ground. My body was so weak I literally collapsed. I broke down crying and have not really stopped since. I hear the noise of the dryer in the my head and when I shower I keep flashing back, thinking I can suddenly realize and run in and save him. My ex-boyfriend has to do my laundry.

I used to be super excited about becoming a mother, and now I cant imagine caring for a child with these hands. I am a yoga teacher and a vegetarian, I can’t even eat a fish but none of that seems to matter anymore. I used to plan to get a tattoo on my hand that reminded me how powerful out actions are and to always act with a gentle hand. I wonder if I had that reminder if I would have been more cautious.

I buried my baby in my yard, along with my baby blanked. Me and my friends wrote love notes on his box. I keep flowers on his grave and marked it with a heart and his name. I plan to plant flowers and keep a garden there always but nothing seems like enough. I want to dig him up and snuggle his body.

I’ve reached out to a few people on the site and have not gotten any response. I understand what I am going through – after I went though what I did with my mom I decided to devote my life to working with kids who have experienced trauma. I am seeking trauma counseling but I want to connect with people who accidentally took the life of an animal that meant more to them that their own life. I feel like this cat should have been there when I got married, when I was pregnant, to meet my babies. I don’t know how to be excited about these things anymore and I just feel so sorry for what I have done.

I keep thinking ok this has been long enough, someone please wake me up from this horrible nightmare.

This is a tribute I wrote to my cat – his name was Stinky because he loved to just hang out in the litter box as a kitten. I called him my man, my Stink Man and wished he could turn human and marry me.

I know that no one knows what to say, and neither do I, I still can’t believe that he’s really gone… The only thing that helps is to remember the amazing things, I guess is always this way, that you felt like you never expressed enough in life as you wish you had in death. I am pretty sure Stink knew how loved he was, but I don’t know if I could have ever expressed to him how much he meant to me. Stink saved my life. If you know me, you know that I was depressed for a long time. I missed my mom, I had terrible skin that kept me from doing most normal high school/teenage things, I had no passion for school or even life… and then I met my man.

Some of you have heard the story of how we met. There was a kind of crazy couple living behind the store who had taken in a litter of kittens found in the parking lot of the bar across… They did not want to give away the adorable striped or spotted kittens but were willing to give up the black kitten. I’ve neglected to mention that before this time I WAS NOT A CAT PERSON. I did not understand cat people – I liked dogs. Then I saw the tiniest little kittens I had ever seen, baby faces and all. The grey and white striped one walked right up to my feet and started to cry. He did not stop! Then I picked him up, he stared in my eyes and stopped crying. It was love at first sight. I took Stink home that night (and harbored him in my father’s home for months somewhat undercover).

Stink was so playful and loving and wonderful. Sometimes overwhelmingly so, but snuggled in my hair and slept with my each night. He was contented to hide in my bathrobe pocket and I walked around the house… I could not wait to get home from work each day and snuggle his little face. Stink helped me learn how to be happy again. He was with me always – I remember a few weeks when I was fighting with my dad and had no place to stay – Stinkman in my car was all I needed.

As we moved on Stink never had any problems welcoming new animals into our home. I remember a specific time Stewart was crying on top of an upturned mattress (he still can’t find his way down from high places) and I told Stink to go help him find his way down – he walked over, climbed the mattress and slowly backed his way down as Stewart followed suit. Amazing. Even as my attention was inadvertently diverted to a new little puggly life in our home Stink was my man. The puppy sometimes drove me crazy or ate my pretty shoes – no matter what happened in life I could pick up my man and he’d give me a hug, rub his Stinky face in mine and make me feel better. I hope I’ll never forget that feeling.

Please feel free to share your loving stories. If you are not an animal person and think I am crazy for caring so much – well I feel bad for you, you should get a cat.
I miss you Stink, you will always be my man.
childrensyoga childrensyoga
26-30, F
36 Responses Dec 12, 2010

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I also am responsible for the accidental death of my kitty. I really can't talk about it still, even though it's been 7 years. I feel the guilt of it every day.

I know what you are going through... I too killed my baby of 7 years... I got sick and than needed to get a cyst removed... and I neglected to feed her for over a week... She was fine and a few hours later she was life less and had no energy. I held her for 4 hours crying and apologizing for what I had let happen to her.. I don't know how I could let this happen. Expecting help from others? And this was just on 12/12... I'm sorry for your loss Hun... I know this is not easy...

It has been almost one month since I killed my sweet baby dog by forgetting her in the car. She was the most special and beautiful dog I've ever known. I devoted so much time and love to training her and giving her confidence, as she had been a puppy stray and tended to be fearful. We had her for only a year and a half. I loved her so much, I don't know how I could have done that to her. Like you, I used to be bubbly and full of confidence. I always posted tons of pictures of our Izzy dog with our family. She was so caring and gentle and playful with the children. She was a pitbull mixed with heeler so she had the loving, snuggliness of the pitbull mixed with the intelligence of the heeler. She was the best dog for hiking and was always getting better and better at listening and anticipating the next course of action. She was always looking to me for what to do next.

She loved affection and snuggling more than anything. She would sit on my feet and lean on my legs. She knew when it was almost time to go pick up the boys from school and would start following me around with her ears up. She was such a shadow to me. I often didn't know where she was and she would be right behind me. She had a way of squinting her eyes at me when she really loved me or when I would say her name in a loving way to her. I had so many nicknames for her. Her patterns and markings on her body were mapped out in my mind and they all had meanings to me. I could see the image of a cat on her side and that made me think that she was meant to live with us because it looked like our cat. She had a star on her back and I used to call her Izzy Stardust and told the kids that she came from the stars.

I thought I could understand her thoughts and speak telepathically with her. I used to imagine her getting older and wiser and more and more gentle.

Now I feel like a fraud and a failure to my kids. I feel like my in-laws must be worried that I might do this to the baby, who is two.

Every day when I park the car in the driveway I think, why didn't I leave the windows down? How many times I have had to clean out the car because leaves and rain blew into it because I left the windows down. I think of her trapped in that car, heaving so heavily to breathe, scratching at the windows, putting her nose to the top of the window, looking to the house.

While inside I was playing with the toddler, who was holding our pet mouse and I was so worried that she was being rough with it, while my dog was dying in the car. I made meatloaf for dinner and I remember mixing the meat and the breadcrumbs and the tomato juice together and thinking how red and bloody it looked and she was probably already dead and I hadn't even realized she was gone. She was in the car for three hours. From 3-6pm. My husband came home from work and was in the house for over an hour. No dog came to greet him and he didn't even notice. It wasn't until I was cleaning up dinner that I thought to search for her. I remember opening the back of the car and she wasn't there and for a moment I thought she must be hiding in the yard somewhere, but my husband said, she probably climbed into the back seat and he was right.

The windows were all tinted dark dark so you can't see into the back of the car from the outside. I never wanted those windows tinted, and that stuck as a thorn in my side. Also, I always let her ride in the front 'til I was worried about too much hair on the passenger seat. I wish I never cared about that! I feel like I need to be strong for my kids, but every day I feel sad, guilty, and remorseful. My husband got another puppy, a purebred cattle dog that is only 6-weeks-old. I thought it would make me feel better, but it actually is making me feel worse, just making me miss Izzy so much more. She had this incredible sensitivity where if I was ever sad about anything she would just sit with me and lick me. And now, the best dog I ever had, the one that was the best trained and the most loving and the most beautiful and unique is gone because I'm a stupid, lazy person. It is so hard. I stopped going on facebook. I stopped contact with all my friends. I haven't told any of my friends. I haven't talked to any of my friends and I used to be on facebook almost daily. Thankfully, I was not on the computer at all during the time she was dying, so I can't get mad at myself for that. I was just playing with my kids and cooking dinner.

I told my husband that I didn't want to get another dog, but he wants a dog for home safety and I understand that. I am thankful for my cat, as she offers me support, but I remember how I used to feel like my life was a fairytale dream when Izzy was alive because I had the best family dog ever and the best cat and my children were healthy and I lived in a beautiful house in a beautiful city surrounded by beautiful trees and mountains. Izzy was the perfect expression of my happiness. I feel like this mistake ruined my life. But then I feel like I don't have time to feel that way and it's not fair for my kids for me to feel so depressed over a dog. Just like the owner of Stink Man, I used to be so judgmental toward pet owners who didn't take good care of their dog, or caused injury due to careless actions. Now I can't judge anyone. Someone who keeps their dog on a chain in the backyard is doing a better job of protecting their dog than I did.

No one can protect me from my own mistakes and stupidity.

When I was 22 I lost my beloved dog that I had from childhood (got him at age 16) in a tragic but preventable accident. He was 6 years, 5 months old. I still can't describe the event in details. I still don't like to talk about it. It's been almost one year.<br />
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I used to be a regular in the grief group http://www.petlossmessageboard.com<br />
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They helped me a lot. I still visit there once in a while. I plan to donate to them when I get a bit of money so they can continue helping others.

I don't think you're crazy at all. I have 3 cats and a dog, and even thinking about losing any of them makes me feel sick with grief. I know what it's like to share your life with animals, and how much a part of the family they become. I know that your grief is very real, and I admire you for having the strength to talk about the loss of your baby so openly. I cried when I read your story. Animals are so pure, trusting, and innocent...and when we feel we've let them down, it's very hard to forgive ourselves for it. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you it will be okay, or that you'll ever recover from your loss or the guilt you're feeling. Once upon a time, I made a mistake that cost a cat named Roy his life as well. 20 years later, I have still not forgiven myself. I never talk about him, because the pain is still too raw. I doubt you will ever fully recover, because when we lose someone we love, they stay in our hearts forever. We miss them every day, and there's nothing to be done that can fix it. If I could offer you any advice, it would be to keep talking about it. I still can't talk about my loss all those years ago, and I regret not finding support, as it could have made the grieving process more tolerable to know I was surrounded by people who understood what I was going through. Remember that you will survive this, and if you feel like giving up, remember how much Stinky loved and valued you, and ask yourself if this is what he would want. Stinky's world revolved around you...you are his mother. He would have wanted you to live a long life, and be as happy as you can. Never get down on yourself for grieving, and never let anyone tell you it's time to get over it...your grief is natural, and there is no time limit to abide by. Most of all, hold on to the good memories forever. Don't let your last experience with Stinky be all you think of. When you wake up and remember how horrible it ended, make a point to remember how happy he had been as well. Remember all the good you brought to each other's lives, remember how he looked at his happiest, and how much you valued your life together. I will always be grateful to Roy for what he brought to my life. He showed me what true love is, and he made me a better person. I believe if Stinky could talk to you now, he'd tell you he has no regrets, and that he forgives you...after all, an animal's love is nothing if not unconditional. Let his memory open your heart to those who need you now, and allow you to love those who follow more deeply. You will be a great Mom, don't you worry. Knowing what it is to lose someone you love will only help you to better appreciate each moment with those to come, and Stinky will remain eternal in your heart as long as you keep his memory alive, and strive to be the best you can be in his honor, and on his behalf.

If you ever need to talk, I'll listen, no matter how many times you need to tell your story. You might need to keep going over it until the pain feels more tolerable. You might hesitate to keep telling people your story, for fear of being a burden...but remember that there are people here who understand, and are here for you. My heart truly goes out to you. XOXO

Thanks so much for your story. I just did the same thing to my poor cat Jax. We called him "Jax Monster" because as a small kitten he had so much energy & got into everything, but even w/ his monster behavior he was the sweetest little man all the time & my partner & I truly loved him as our child. I understand completely your loving feelings for stink.
I am in much pain & feel just so guilty for the pain I have caused my partner. I cry all the time & hear her cry & scream out for him. I don't know what to do because I am the cause of the sorrow. Like you, I heard him tunneling in the dryer & ignored it. If I hadn't been in such a hurry I may have checked, I feel as though I can't go on or forgive myself. He brought so much joy to our life & I hurt him. I miss him so much. I hear the tumble all the time & think of his pain all the time. I really feel like life will never be the same.
He was a orange fluffy boy. He loved to play & he always made sure we knew he loved us. He would talk to us all the time & loves to cuddel & be pet. I'll pray for you & Stink & I truly hope you've found your way. Thank you for sharing your story, it's helped me to know someone else has been there.

You poor Darling. I so feel for you. I am sure your little guy is in a lovely place, even though you so much want him with you and not somewhere else. I dont know why these things happen.
We just ran over our beloved shitzhu who was a dog like no other and can never be replaced.
He had so much love and was treated like a baby. My partner did it and he is out of his mind with grief. I dont want to go on either, but time is a great healer and we just have to keep on breathing and think what our pet would have wanted for us. Bless you.

My heart goes out to you and know that someone understands. The love of my life plummeted 8 stories to his death because of 5 minutes of carelessness. I am taking every day as it comes. It has been difficult to live here in this apartment. I am constantly reliving that night and hating myself. The flashbacks and panic attacks are torture. I spent his whole life protecting him in almost a compulsive way and I let him die five feet away from me. The sound of him slipping echoes in my head constantly. If only I could have 3 seconds of time back I could change the whole course of events. We were all so happy here finally settled and together in our own place. Now I can't even look out my window or walk out my front door on the side walk without feeling sick and full of anger and regret. I have lost so many animals in my life and have grieved them in peace but their is no peace here. I screwed up in the worst way out of carelessness, self focus, and laziness. I will try to redeem myself but it will not come soon. I want to stay in this apartment because this is where Spiderman lived and played and ate but I hate it for what has happened here and it is a constant reminder of this horrible very preventable tragedy. If I could just change one thing that I did that night me and Spiderman and Tabitha would be all having coffee together, doing belly rubs, and running down the hallway. She would be cleaning her best friends ears. I will never forgive myself for this. That he had to die so young, alone, scared, and suffering. People say it is not my fault to make me feel better but it is my fault. No logical way around that. Facts are facts. He was just a naive trusting special one of a kind kitten that needed a Mommy to protect him and pay attention. Everything I did revolved around him no matter where I was and I will never be the same with out him.

calm down its okay it was an accident im sure he loved you

I just killed my kitten yesterday (accidently of course) but i still cant stop crying, i walk around school thinking about it how it was all my fault, how Blaze would be alive if i wasnt around. Im scared just like you to be a mom, i cant imagine losing a child and im so scared to get another animal even though my family suggests it. I feel like i owe so much to her since i caused her death, but i just wanted to let you know that your not alone. <3

I just killed my kitten yesterday (accidently of course) but i still cant stop crying, i walk around school thinking about it how it was all my fault, how Blaze would be alive if i wasnt around. Im scared just like you to be a mom, i cant imagine losing a child and im so scared to get another animal even though my family suggests it. I feel like i owe so much to her since i caused her death, but i just wanted to let you know that your not alone. <3

I just killed my kitten yesterday (accidently of course) but i still cant stop crying, i walk around school thinking about it how it was all my fault, how Blaze would be alive if i wasnt around. Im scared just like you to be a mom, i cant imagine losing a child and im so scared to get another animal even though my family suggests it. I feel like i owe so much to her since i caused her death, but i just wanted to let you know that your not alone. <3

OMG I know what your going through i just killed my dog in the dryer two days ago. I will never forgive myself she was the most loving dog in the world she loved me more than anything and i took her life. Im so sorry for your loss i just want you to know your not alone.I treat my pets like my children and i think some people think im crazy but i cant help i feel like i killed my child its just soooooo hard!

I'm so sorry for your loss. I accidentally ran over my baby a month ago and I'm still crying. Everyone I seek comfort from keeps saying it wasnt my fault, that cuddled ran out, that it was only an accident. But why does it feel like it was my fault? I will never forgive myself. I loved that dog so much. There is nothing in this world that I was closer to. I know exactly how you feel. You're not the only one out there, there are lots of people that care. I promise : )

I'm so sorry for your loss. I accidentally ran over my baby a month ago and I'm still crying. Everyone I seek comfort from keeps saying it wasnt my fault, that cuddled ran out, that it was only an accident. But why does it feel like it was my fault? I will never forgive myself. I loved that dog so much. There is nothing in this world that I was closer to. I know exactly how you feel. You're not the only one out there, there are lots of people that care. I promise : )

i know how you feel, and i'm sorry. i killed my kitty cat, too, and nothing in the world make you feel better after you've done something like that. i love animals too, and it takes a lot for people like us, to share their story, on something so sad. i hope you're doing well..and your cat knows, just like i feel my cat does, that what we did, wasn't intentional. things like this happen, and i'm so sorry that it happened to you.<br />
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I have not read a story on this site quite as touchingly honest as yours. I lost my baby bird today because I suffocated him by accident while I was sleeping. The things you have written I am experiencing. I keep getting these flashbacks. I keep wondering and replaying it in my mind. I too have even wondered if I should ever have children-god forbid I should accidentally smother them too. I knew I should have put him into bed with me, maybe I thought I was an exception. But I feel so horrible. He was like a baby to me. I feel so lost. He was supposed to be with me for 20 years not 15 days. I miss him so much.

That was heartbreaking. I have a dog and this dog means to world to me. I talk to my dog, i sleep with my dog, i hold my dog like a baby and i even showered with my dog. I would lose it if i killed my dog.<br />
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I hope you can give this a place and move on. It's prolly not want you want to hear but sooner or later he would of died. You knew you were going to outlive this cat. It's just a harsh way for him to go. He still loves you :)

I am so very, very, VERY sorry for your loss. You just have to remember he loved you, as well as he loved the Dryer to sleep in. You were so busy and pre-occupied. You thought it was the rug making the noise.<br />
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Your stink man loved you. Aswell as he knows it was an accident and still loves you. He knows it was an accident, and he forgives you.<br />
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I accidentally killed my best friend- My hamster. I havnt gotten over that either. But my dear friend, we both have to remember it was an accident, and our little friends knew that we loved them and we didnt mean to.<br />
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Good luck to you.<br />
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I'm so sorry. I know how it hurts. a couple of weekends ago my beloved rottie jumped into the back of my SUV while I was getting things out. Nothing new... she always did it as she loved to ride with me. However.... I did not see her and shut the back. The next afternoon I was getting into the car and found her slumped in the passenger seat dead from the heat. Apparently she had just died as when I ran around and opened the passenger side door she just fell limply at my feet. It was about 1:30 in the afternoon and the temp was around 93. I went into hysterics. Thank God my sisters live close by me. I called one and both were over in seconds. I cry everyday. I miss her sooo much. I live on a large cattle farm and she had the run of the place. I adopted her when she was 1 year old. She had been abandoned on the side of a dirt road as a puppy and nearly starved to death. She lived with an elderly lady who nursed her back to health but could not continue to care for her. I took her in and had her for 3 years. She was sooo sweet. Everyone was afraid of her because she was so big and Rottie's just have a bad reputation. But in truth they are the most loving dogs in the world. She would not hurt a flea. She trused and loved me. Whenever i came in from work she would smile and shimmy so hard she would nearly get off balanced. She would sometimes stink to high heaven.... but I'd hug her anyway. Of course I blame myself and spend lots of time telling myself what a horrible person I am. I can see her grave from my bedroom window and it crushes me everytime I see it. Her best friend was a rat terrier named Sassy. I'm depressed..... Sassy is depressed and my 3 cats are depressed. I;ve been showing Sassy a lot of love and attention to help her through it. But I am just sick with heartache and guilt. I used to be very critical of people who did things that ended up hurting or killing their pets. Not anymore. We don't always know the whole story. I am trying to make something good come from this horrible thing. <br />
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Reading the stories from pet owners who have accidentally killed their pets is eye opening. I thought I was the only one. Reading about all the grief pet owners have shared tells me that there are wonderful people who have so much love for God's creatures. I guess we need to remember that "**** happens" and move on to give love to another dog... cat... bunny... hamster... bird ... fish... turtle... etc. I think I will adopt another abuse/neglected animal and shower them with love.<br />
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Just writing this has helped me.... at least for now. My prayers are with you all.

It happened the same to me. More than 10 years ago. I woke up today without air, tears, and despair like in the first morning after... I really would like to believe in Heaven. But Heaven and Hell are here where we dwell.

I read your story and I cannot help thinking back about my pets I lost. I had a very young kitten who died in curled up in our bed and I never stop wondering if we accidently knocked her out with our legs or choked her with our bedding. I buried so many animals and it was always heartbreaking for me. I grew up with a cat who I know loved me to bits. She slept in my bed every night, under my duvet to keep me warm. When I moved out from home at the young age of only 16, I was so wrapped up with my boyfriend and my gerbils I had with him I totally ignored my little sister (that is my cat, she was like a sister to me). I never went to visit her and I was out partying when my mum decided to bring her over for me to see her 'a last time' before she had to be put down by the vet. She was a bag of bones when she died. I did not even cry that much when my mum told me then.<br />
Nowadays when I think about her I cannot stop crying. I still love her so much and I feel I let her down. I will never forget my SCHNURRLIE. She is in my heart for a life time and I hope she has forgiven me that I let her down so much.<br />
I have a hamster now as I cannot have any other animals where I live. I am very protective over him and spoil him rotten. I talk to him and he is my little son. I don't have any children so I am not ashamed to say that he is my little boy. I always give him the best treats, clean his cage and make sure he is happy. I worry so much about him not being comfortable. I think he is a happy little chappy though!<br />
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So you see there is nothing wrong with loving and protecting an animal. What happened with your cat is tragic. I feel your pain and I am so sorry for you that this happened. Please forgive yourself for this. You must move on. Perhaps you can get a new kitten, in your cats memory.<br />
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Bless you love, all the best from me x

I am so so sorry. i recently lost a cat, i blame myself. he was breathing weird. I thought he was having an asthma attack and the next morning i put him in his carrying case to take him to the vet. i didn't know that he was actually having a heart attack. He was terrified of his carrying case and my putting him in there was the worst thing i could have done. He died as i handed him to the vet. if only i took him in the night before or didn't put him in his case he might be alive. i miss him.

I'm so so so sorry for your loss. Your story made me cry!<br />
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I'm a big animal lover myself, it's natural for me. I own a small papillon, and I do understand what you mean about pets being friends to us. My dog was given to me, he was meant to be mine. In fact, I was looking into getting a dog (rather entertaining the idea, but my idea was more along the lines of a boston terrier or a french bulldog) at the time I accepted him, but never this breed ever... a co-worker of mine couldn't keep him anymore, and since I had been visiting at my co-workers home, I grew attached to him, and said I'd keep him (under the radar of my landlord). He was so small and sweet, so open to anyone and so playful and pure hearted (still is), and at 5 months old, already had 2 different owners!<br />
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I had recently gotten out of an abusive relationship, it was coold winter and snowy, new job, new city, alone in my apartment, sad...mourning (over many things)...but my dog was there...my friend. I swear he got me through that winter...even he was just 5 months old and I had to potty train him, chewing, accidents etc. But I know he was meant to be mine, and he's my little soul mate friend.<br />
I call him my "daemon", from that movie the Golden Compass...because he's always at my side.<br />
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So, I know that was a terrible accident for you, how traumatizing, but it is what it is. Your cat shared all the time he could with you, and he is OK. You will be fine too, just remember him, and love him always as you are. Trust me he knows it was an accident. That's why they are called accidents because they are NOT intentional...and cats, like the other poster mentioned earlier, have a way of getting into trouble without realizing it.<br />
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Again, I'm so so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you. Inshallah you will be fine. God bless.

please please contact me, i just killed my cat this weekend in the dryer. i just need to talk to someone that knows how i feel. you can reach me at diane0510 at sbcglobal.net<br />
i loved my little guy and he trusted me with everything. i know he kept thinking i was going to come save him and i didnt.<br />
how do i live with doing this horrible thing to him.<br />
why didnt i check the dryer!<br />
my husband is such a cat lover too and he is so distraut. <br />
what do we do, how do we go on. i cant even think about starting that dryer back up. it is a death tomb to me. my poor poor baby suffered a horrible death. i cant explain how i feel, i loved this little guy so so much.

I 'm praying for BOTH you & your BELOVED cat ! check these sites out <br />
www dot rainbowbridge dot com & www dot catster dot com<br />
<br />
animal lover in Idaho,<br />
Lori L.

I 'm praying for BOTH you & your BELOVED cat ! check these sites out <br />
www dot rainbowbridge dot com & www dot catster dot com<br />
<br />
animal lover in Idaho,<br />
Lori L.

I 'm praying for BOTH you & your BELOVED cat ! check these sites out <br />
www dot rainbowbridge dot com & www dot catster dot com<br />
<br />
animal lover in Idaho,<br />
Lori L.

Its not your fault honey. God bless you. Your friend Stink Man has crossed over the rainbow bridge and he forgives you and knows you loved him and he doesn't blame you. He loves you forever. You will see him again someday and it will be a beautiful reunion <3

childrensyoga... I'm so sorry to hear about Stinky. I cried when I read your story. Eventually you'll be able to forgive yourself because it was a tragic accident. <br />
~ R.I.P Stinky ~

I've accidentally injured a pet before, and even that's hard to live with. I just want to hug you, and anyone who's dealing with this.

I am sorry for your loss. I killed my wonderful 3 year old cat named bridget 2 nights ago. I was getting blankets from my closet that i keep in a plastic storage container. I did not notice her jump in when i put the lid back on and put it back. It wasn't until a day later i releized i had not seen her and she must be sick and hidding. Or that she had been sleeping some place and got stuck as she so often liked to do. So i went to look for her. I even walked around in the middle of a blizzard because i thought she might have gotten out side some how. Then after looking through my whole apartment i relelizied i had gotten the blankets and thats where i found her. I loved her with all of my heart. I just moved to Chicago a year ago and bridget and my other cat izzy where my only friends for the last year. I had got them both from the shelter and only decided to get 2 because of how beautiful she was. She trust me so much and would follow me around. I feel so bad for letting her down. I cant imagine the fear. She was such a beautiful cat as well i had never seen a cat with such markings and personality. I have had many cats and had one that disappeared or ran away had 1 hit by a car and a few that grew old and past away. I have never felt this bad because i know that it was me who robed her of her life and that i ended something that was brilliant and unique. I will never forget her and i am sure this will haunt me for the rest of my life. I lost my brother when i was 13 to an allergic reaction to peanuts and have lost so many people in my life all my grandparents my cousin this was just 100% my fault. I now fear that i will some how kill my other cat izzy who i love just as much.

I'm so sorry. I related to so many parts of your story and want you to know you aren't alone. I feel responsible for my pet rat's recent death, I loved her like a best friend too and wanted her to live much much longer with me. Her death was also like a nightmare for me, and I wish I'd given her more of my time and love. It's the hardest grief to go through when you feel guilty at the same time. There is nothing good we can do now but bless their memories and live with the love they gave us always.

Thank you for your comments. I'm trying to work on forgiving myself but its so hard - I feel like he gave me so much and I took his life away. He was only 5 1/2... I keep mourning the future that we won't have together. Him rubbing up against my pregnant belly and meeting my babies. I was just outside at his memorial and I kept repeating "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you." When I close my eyes and go back to finding him I try to replace that picture with one of him and my mom, together and happy, discovering the connection that they have. I miss him so much and I know I will have a scar that lasts forever.

When I read this, I cried, and still am. I went through the same thing. My cat was yoda and he was the most unique cat I've ever known. Every morning as I was drinking my coffee he would circle around me and nibble on my toes. He one of 3 kittens from my cat Mrs. Purrbody who lives with me know, and the others live with my mom. He was the "outsider" didn't play much with the others but we had a strong connection. I was planning on moving out and I was supposed to take him and his momma with me. I had a mental breakdown the day he died, and I'm almost positive I was the one who turned the drier on.. I thank god that I wasn't the one who discovered him, because I would have been very traumatized. For two years I would randomly start to think about it and cry. I really feel for you, and can only tell you that you will eventually forgive yourself, but it will leave a scar. I've devoted myself to taking extra special care of the cats I have now, but still feel sadness, 4 years later. And I feel weak that it's affected me so much, I guess only pet lovers can truly understand. I'm so sorry, but slowly try to forgive yourself.

there is a memorial site here- My cat Jake is on it, here is the link, and if you like you can make a memorial right here for Stinky.EP Link

I am so sorry. That is awful- I hope that you will be able to forgive yourself, as it was an accident. And I have had cats all my life- this story is actually not so shocking. My father's cat, when I was a baby, jumped into the laundry basket without my dad realizing. The cat wound up in the dryer (he did survive, but I'm saying that cats are prone to getting into these situations.<br />
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There is an online memorial site called Rainbow Bridge- you can create a memorial for Stinky, and maybe talk to people there, they do have a great forum, and I think that people will be understanding. You need that right now. You don't need anyone to make you feel worse than you already do.<br />
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Take care of yourself, and again I am sorry for your loss.