My Bird Died Today

i'm glad i found this website. i have been feeling awful all day and just need some anonymous person to talk to about it. i don't want to tell anyone i know... yet.
see i just got this bird like a month ago. it was a year old lovebird. the person that gave it to me couldn't keep it anymore and she had 'rescued' it from somewhere else.
anyway, me and him were slowly building trust. and he came a long way. today he was outside of his cage sitting next to the opening, like me always did. he never left that spot. but something spooked him, just a random noise, and he flew to the other side of the house and went right into the sliding glass door. now we had trust, and he let me pet him, but i had still never held him. so i slowly went up to him on the floor and tried to grab him. it didn't work, so i just hung back for a second. then i got the idea to go get his cage and i put it in front of him. but he didn't get in. so 10 minutes later i slowly went for him again. i was under a lot of pressure to get him quicker than i was because of other people in the house and my dog needed to go out and my cat was upstairs clawing to get out of the room i put her in while the bird was out. so he flew and landed, i went for him kinda fast and had him in my hands and he squirted out and flew into the front of the stove. he landed, kinda dazed. then i slowly crawled towards him and he took off again and this time in flew about 5 feet up, right into the wall, then dropped like a stone. i picked him up off the floor. he wasn't moving, but he was still alive.
so i laid him in his cage on his back and just watched him for 10 minutes.
he was very alert, but wasn't moving any part of him. i quickly looked up what to do if a bird is concussed and said to place him in a dark and quiet room for a couple hours. so i put him in my bedroom. i checked on him a couple hours later and he was fine. alert, but still not moving. i pet him a couple times then went back out of the room. thinking he needed more rest. so i checked on him an hour later, still fine. then the last time i went to check on him he was just laying there, and i picked him up and his head lolled over to one side. i couldn't believe it.
i just feel so terrible. firstly because someone gave him to me last month and i was supposed to take care of him. i'm the one that let him out of his cage, just wanted him to feel free and be one of those birds that walks around on the carpet and sits with you. i'm sure that the head injury must've caused him to become paraplegic, but i was just giving it more time to see if he would get his movement back. still, i didn't expect him to just die there in his cage, all alone.
i don't know what to do or what to think about it. it's all my fault. i just keep thinking 'what if i had caught him before that last wall he hit'? this is the second time a pet has died... but this is the first time it's directly been my fault. the other time was a 10 year old cat that was sick and he got outside, my mom said 'to go die'... but even if he was going to die anyway, i wish that it had been inside and with me.. i still don't know what happened to him and it haunts me to this day.
i know others have gone through something similar... i just hate this feeling. i don't want to care but i do. and i really don't want to have to tell this lady that her bird is dead. if he had gone anywhere else this might not have happened... i break everything i touch.
but at least i got to hold him a few times before he died. and i know the feeling will diminish and it will get better. i think it's just so rough because my brother just commited suicide. and i feel responsible for that, too. but i know i'm not. he was an adult. but still... he was my baby brother. oh god... that's all. i'm gonna start crying.
thanks to this website for being here. i needed this.
r.i.p. jaden
juliaspike juliaspike
2 Responses May 15, 2012

its not your fault at all... you done the right thing shutting your other animals away and letting him out as no bird should ever be stuck in a cage and never let out that is neglect.... so you done the right thing there.... i compleatly agree with tammie lee wing clipping is a good idea to keep birds safe in these situations but even a bird that knows his enviroment can bang into things and they tend to hit glass harder as its clear they dont know its there so try putting some stickers on clear glass... iv got bird stickers dotted over french doors in my house.... the better they can fly the harder they will hit things that is the problem.... my birds cant fly but they still manage to bash into things close by and it is soooo scary.... they tend to go in direction of tv... dont know why..... if you have a bird clipped make sure they do it properly as some vets, pet shops have been known to clip birds two young which effects their balance and also they have been known to only clip one wing which is really wrong... birds lose balance, fall and lots have ended up dieing from that as they break bones or serverly bruse themselves..... birds are very fragile. both wings should be clipped or none at all there is no comprimise. also it is important to not chase a bird to catch it as that can stress it out and make the situation worse.... if a bird is difficult then you should normally towel them as they calm down, dont squrm so much and its easier to get them back to their cage.... but the towel has to be the right size for the size of bird your dealing with as you need to be careful you do not hurt them.... never towel a bird unless its really nessersary and you should get advise from an accredited avian vet or a parrot rescue before you towel a bird so you know how to do it safely. <br />
there is so much to learn with birds but if you keep yourself up to date with everything and educate yourself properly... get a proper avian vet.... you can get all this sort of advice from parrot rescues... then its really worth it, they amazing creatures and have such big personalities... i think you would make a great bird owner as your caring and you took the time to research what you needed to do... you just need to be educated and have more confidence in yourself...... if your ever indoubt and your bird seems stressed put them in their cage cover it with blanket so it dark and quite for them and get them straight to an avian vet (just covering your birds cage/carrier so its in darkness makes the world of differance but to save yourself the guilt and heartbreak i would also take them straight to an avian vet)

It wasn't your fault hun. Just an unfortunate accident. It sounds like you were trying really hard with him to build a bond, and give him a good home and a good life. You deserve only admiration for that. And I hope you don't give up on keeping birds, you're good with them and would probably be the perfect person to rehabilitate the ones that don't get such a good start in life. <br />
But just as a suggestion, with any future birds, it might pay to take them to a vet and get their wings clipped before you let them out. That way they can't fly into things and get hurt, and then once they've gotten used to being out and aren't likely to panic and fly around wildly endangering themselves, stop trimming their wings and let them grow back so they can fly again. <br />
I had a scary experience with my young Indian Ring-neck parrot before I got his wings clipped, he got a fright and flew off my shoulder, hit the wall and fell into the bathtub (Which was full), but thankfully apart from being very wet, hot and not at all happy, he was fine.