I Have Spent My Life Chasing This Ache

This ache is one of my driving forces.  I have felt it my whole life and I still have not yet defined it.  As a child, it made me thoughtful and quirky.  As a teenager it expressed itself as various crushes on people I was too shy to talk to, but imagined whole fascinating personalities for.  It also made me a compulsive eater.  In my twenties, it made me never satisfied with one man - even though my adventures mainly took place in my head. Ultimately, it brought me to find religion.  Indeed, religion has settled me greatly.  At first I thought even that the ache was finally defined as my soul's natural desire for the Messiah to come.  Perhaps it is, perhaps it isn't; however, the ache is still there and I still can't truly explain it. 

Pufina Pufina
31-35, F
6 Responses Feb 15, 2010

My ache turned out to be the absolute truth of everything, including I. <br />
<br />
If you still feel that longing then try to do what i did. I sat myself down and went "ok, I'm listening. Hit me" <br />
<br />
I surrendered and with each pull I recognized and felt this absolutely beautiful truth. <br />
I REALLY hope that it is your own true bliss calling you and I REALLY hope that you release EVERYTHING (including religion) and surrender to the ache/longing. <br />
<br />
It does call back!

My faith only gives me general answers. I believe that I am here to serve G-d. But how do I serve him best? Even if I do pre-outlined good deeds there are many ways to do them. For example, do I serve G-d by being a good mother and raising upstanding children or writing a hugely inspiring book? Ideally, I would like to so many things, but my point is, even if you have the answers that religion gives, there is still much to seek out about what gives you inner peace and happiness. The writer Aaron Zeitlin once wrote that "the answers are in the seeking alone." (paraphrase)<br />
<br />
Thanks for the comments, and the song. Often I enjoy the ache, the longing, but sometimes I want to find out answers before I get to heaven.

I know how it feel to have a unique life. Unlike others.i have alot of talent,brains.love& beauty but always put aside for unknown more. I guess i'm naturaly mystical. Any answers?

I could have written this. Other than the fact that I've been married for my entire adult life that is. Discontent has always been a big part of my life. My Faith helps, but doesn't completely sate the voice either. There is a song that I've always loved. It's called "Reaching" by an artist named Carolyn Aerends. (probably misspelled that name!)<br />
<br />
<i>We are reaching for the future, we are reaching for the past<br />
And no matter what we have we reach for more<br />
We are desperate to discover what is just beyond our grasp<br />
Maybe that's what Heaven is for</i><br />
<br />
Whatever the reason for the aching...I think that contentment and peace are available to us. If we can just find that one concept that we're missing. The one puzzle piece that will make it hold together.

Beautifully written. Such a wonderful <br />
vocubulary and a very fluent way of writing! <br />
I think I can relate to most of it..

Beautifully written. Such a wonderful <br />
vocubulary and a very fluent way of writing! <br />
I think I can relate to most of it..