Acne Scar Completely Ruined My Life.. Literally...

My life was ok up until when i have skin problem during high school. I still remember the first day i have pimples around my cheek. The day where i asked my mum 'what is it' and how to get rid of it. However, my mum never really care about it and just simply tell me to forget about it.

So i left it and slowly it became worse. Then my dad gave me the most ******* most stupid ******* advice to treating these pimples. He told me to pop it then apply some cream and one most dumbest and stupid in the world advice that left me with the most ugly looking scar in the worse possible area on my face, which was to stay in the sun because the sun helps kill bacteria. The problem was, the sun damage my skin after picking and popping the pimples resulting in scars. I didn't know anything back then and was gullible to listen to my stupid dad which 180 completely turn my life from good to bad in just days.

The following days i started to notice it was really bad and it slowly form a indented scar which i continuously asked my parents and search for answer to heal it. Long story short. It didnt treat properly due to my lack of knowledge and stupid parents which just ignores me. I end up having this worse looking indented scar which is couple cm in length around center of my cheek under my eye area. From that day i was so self-conscious, i couldnt even look at people in the eye when i talk to them and whenever i walk i just face the ground. Slowly, it became a habit where i just start to talk a lot less at school and whenever i walk i just put my heads down because the light make the scar so noticeable and very ugly...

I didnt want to go out when my friends asked me to, i just basically just go school and stay home and started to isolated myself.. I'll be so angry everytime i look into the mirror and i'll just start punching it. I began to just stay on the computer and started to play games and got addicted to gaming because it helped me forget everything and started to put myself into the 'virtual world'. My grades in school dropped significantly. I didnt do anything in school, all i did was just show up and when i go back home i would i just stick to the computer till i pretty much sleep.

I pretty much failed my highschool certificate and didnt know what to do. When the result came i just ripped the letter because my grade was so bad. I was never smart in school but i have good grades because i study and have somewhat of a good memory. Everything turned when i have acne and scar on my face. I would just play games every day when im home till night just so i dont have to see myself in the mirror and forget about it. When im not doing anything ill just think about it. I hated light and i stay out of sun and close all the light whenever possible. I just dont want to see myself nor do i want to see anyone or anyone to see me.

I was just planning to work since im not really academic person. But i just couldnt get myself outside the house. I just feel so self-conscious and because of that i didnt end up working even though there was a couple of jobs for me offer by my friends parents and relatives. I just couldnt face people.
So i decided to continue to study and went to college. However, I didnt know what to study and randomly chose I.T simply because i was on the computer so much. Eventually, with the help of classmate i got through and got a diploma but really and to be honest, i did not even learn that much. It was simply just cheating my way through and the teacher was so easy going and just pass you.
Again, i wanted to looked for a job with the cert but once again i just couldnt get myself to work and talk to people. Some of my classmate went to uni so i just followed and went to uni which was another wrong choice i made. All the choice i made was wrong in my life... nothin a single one was right ever since i have the skin problem. You may think its a 'small' problem but things accumalate and makes it a lot worse and people just dont understand the how much that actually affected me. On top of that i have a incurable skin condition diagnose by a dermatologist called Seberherric Dermatitus which i later found on cause my skin was so messed up.
Anyways, uni was hard and i was barely passing the subjects. I also failed some and need to redo and i probably wont even finish my degree at this point. My work experience is so low i only work in my family restaurant business every now and then but i just feel so hard whenever i work cause my skin looks so bad and scar made it it look even worse.
For years, ive been trying and hoping a scar cream and method that will work but unfortunately to this date, i still havent found one that work.

All the choice i made is wrong in my entire life ever since i have the skin problem and scarring which slowly develop into other problem and became a slowball effect. Now i dono what to do. I'm just stuck with little work experience and little technical knowledge on the area i study. I feel so lost. I have little amount of friends and most of the time its just me by myself. I feel like no hope in this world for me, no meaning for my existence, I feel like just sleeping and hope that i dont wake up again.. ever..
I use to just pray and pray that God will help me on clearing the skin and find a way to get rid of the scar. I would literally pray every night before i sleep saying the same thing that hoping that he can help me heal the scar and i just want to be a normal person. i just want to be me, who i am. I have zero confidence and the skin problem just ***** my self esteem and my confident and now i failed at everything i do. Everything doesnt go right for me. Im like in the worse possible situation and condition that i never would think of. No one understand. I know people dont judge you of how you look but it just this thing in yourself deep down you just cant accept it.
I really tried to accept it and just try to look at people when im talking try to look up when walking. But whenver i see a mirror in a shop, it just really really bad. I literally thought it wasnt that bad and i'll try to forget it and move on and really.. i just cant....
No one will probably understand unless youre in a similar situation.

If God doesnt give me a chance then i rather have my life taken away. I cant get a job in the area study which i have no interest or passion about. Ijust want a job cause im getting old. Im 24 and i have nothing.. literally. I feel like a complete trash, hopless, no direction. The skin and scarring problem literally ruined my life. Some people say using skin and the scarring problem as a excuse for not working.. but they dont understand and its not an excuse. I really wanna work a lot earlier in my life when i finish highschool, i really did.. I just dont know what to do anymore... I'm tired... living is tiring.. i just dont want to think anymore.. I just cry every now and then asking God do i deserve this? what have i done wrong? I keep questioning my own existence...
I feel like my friends not really my friends.. I feel like my family not really my family... I have nothing to live for....
FMLyf FMLyf
22-25
1 Response Sep 12, 2012

I'm sorry if I'm being rude but you're crying over one acne scar?? I have over 50 all over my face but I still go through life and try to make the best of it. It's not that bad and a lot of people have it much much worse. Stop focusing and worrying about your scar and think about what you want to do in life. The scar isn't holding you back or anything, the way you're looking at it is.