Broken Record

All I seem to say lately when people ask if I'm okay is "I'm fine" or "just tired". I sound like a broken record and I'm so over it.
I'm not fine. My heart is being smashed to pieces by the one person in the world I truly believed loved me. He pushes me away only to pull me back in and I know I should be stronger, after all I've been through, but he has held fast to my heart for almost three years so I feel like I have so little control over my own happiness. If he is sad then I am sad. If he is angry then I am apologetic. If he needs love I have so much right here, just for him. But today, once again, I am NOTHING. I don't know the reason why today is different from yesterday. I don't know what I did wrong this time.
All I know is that it hurts so much I feel like I'm losing control. I'm scared of how far down this is going to take me. I just want to stop breathing, stop existing so it can finally stop hurting.
deleted deleted
1 Response Jan 12, 2012

Did you go back to him?<br />
Look, he's not good for you. You may have bonded to him, and it will hurt awfully, but you need to break it off.