I usually pretend that I'm happy so that others don't become upset or sad. I hold back my tears so that others can smile.I hate crying sometimes because I always feel so vulnerable. And vulnerability is a hard feeling for me to deal with. I hate feeling like I'm being judged. Or made to feel like I can't be sad...because if I'm sad the world is going to fall apart.My mom starts freaking out when I'm struggling through something emotionally. She starts to feel like she's not a good mother and she begins crying.And I just need someone who will let me experience my feelings and not make a big deal about it. Because she makes me feel a lot worse when she starts crying because then I have to toughen up so I can show her that I am okay. And thus the cycle repeats.
Smileeboo Smileeboo
18-21, F
Jul 2, 2014