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My Time With Vampires

My time with Vampires Vampires Vampires

I lived most of my life in San Gwynne, a sleepy little town in rural Pennsylvania. What is it with places that end in -vania? Seems like a magnet for fanged freaks to name a place somethingsylvania. Yet sylvania has sylvan as a root word and that just means woods, you, know?

San Gwynne was never as sleepy as it seemed and from very early on there were issues. I don't really know quite how to put it, so issues might be the word. Issues with things that go bump in the night. And when things got a bit hairy, well, that's when they'd call me in. I should probably backtrack a bit. I'm a priest and sometimes I do a little bit of work for the government.

I'm not even supposed to be talking about this, but I figure who's really going to know. It's a large internet, and an anonymous posting, so unless someone recognizes my syntax I should be relatively safe.

I was approached by the sheriff not too long ago when things really started getting out of hand. We had a growing community of the blood suckers and they were getting downright cocky. A couple of them even had their own moment in the sun (in a manner of speaking) on a local public access television show. They were trying to plead their case saying it was a matter of live and let live, but gradually it became apparent that their definition of living was not the same as ours, and the bottom line was survival of the fittest.

How dare they quote Darwin? Even Chuck knew where to draw the line. He knew the difference between a snake in the grass and a leech on society's neck. He was also known to drive a stake through a non-beating heart. That chapter in "On the Origin of Species" was deleted pretty quickly by the publisher. The rest of the book was complicated enough; it didn't need more controversy with the Church, which was already infested with leeches of their own.

But I digress. The sheriff contacted me and knew I could handle the exorcism which needed to take place to save the lives of those who hadn't completely gone over to the other side.
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This little bit of writing came with the challenge to write about vampires. It was an inside joke and pretty much I was the only one inside.

In October of 2010 I played Father Fangula a priest who worked clandestinely with a super secret government agency. (So secret in fact that no one else in the movie knew that was my back story.) So the movie was (is) called Bite Nite and is a vampire spoof. It was originally scheduled for release a while ago, and being an independent micro-feature will probably never see the "big screen" but will go straight to the bargain bin at Amazon.

I am a screen writer (yet to be produced) who wanted to see what it was like to be an actor in a movie so a friend let me know that there was a local casting call for Bite Nite, which I promptly missed. Later the writer/producer contacted me and asked if I would play the part of Father Fangula. To backtrack a bit, I have been appearing on stage in various community theater productions so I guess he knew I could act. Once I was on set I found out that acting was sort of back seat to showing up and maybe knowing some of your lines. Being there was important. Acting skills were a plus.

So I saw what it was like being in a small film, now I wanted to move on to a bigger film, so I worked as an extra on the new Jason Statham film, Safe (out sometime Fall 2011) That was a whole different world. Professional. And I was in a scene with Jason. Just my stage wife, me and the star. Hopefully that won't end up on the cutting room floor. But it was part of a pivotal scene, so I have high hopes.
Rob1863 Rob1863 46-50, M Sep 21, 2011

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