i went to a very elitist "all white" boarding school when i was six. grew up in a very rural township where most black ppl didnt even go to school. anyway i lived in those 2 extremist worlds for 12 years. and i had the experience of always trying to dumb myself down when i was at home, and then act all "white" when i got to school. i don't think i ever felt like i was being fake. those two parts were always in me. i felt guilty about it sure. i was often confronted with situations where i had to choose an identity. i couldn't have both. that felt excruciatingly unfair. it's society that likes to compartmentalize everything. u gotta be black or white. male or female. somewhere in the middle just isn't a category. so that's how it's been my whole life. with friends. family. colleagues. i've always felt stretched. i remember losing friends in high school over it because i was forced to choose. now i try to own my difference a lot more. i try to think about it in terms of my music. i love all kinds of music. and i groove differently to each song. so why can't i also like different kinds of people and groove differently around them? it doesnt have to be interpreted as a bad thing. and i'm certainly over those days where i need to feel ashamed about it...if u're true about ur difference then it's ok. feeling u need to hide it is the virus that eats you up from inside. and the idea that personality needs to be static is outdated. maybe psychiatry says that. then screw it, lets all have MPD! bf.
TheRealMimi TheRealMimi
31-35, F
7 Responses Mar 7, 2010

this is a really nice post..i grew up in a city for the first 11 years of my life, and moved to a rural area just before i turned 12. the two areas weren't even a huge distance apart, but the people i encountered at my new school may as well have been from another planet, that's how different their personalities and values were. <br />
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i had no idea how to relate to them. at my old school there were people from all different cultures and backgrounds, and we were really all friends with each other. suddenly i was in a world where no one was trustworthy or accepting of differences, and for the first time in my life i felt more like i was playing a part than just being me. that's a really difficult place to be, but it's really nice when you're able to come out of it and discover the place where you're truly happy and comfortable. xx

That is funny I grew up in a rural area, but went to a white privae school,too. Over time I learned I never had to choose to be any race<br />
Nature did that for me & society reinforced it, but I also have certain parts of me shaped by childhood experiences and I feel further developed because of it all.

yeah i'm from sa. the personality of race is a big issue in my country. still. the idea that black and white has a behaviour. i just think that's nonsense. i went to that boarding school in 1989 when sa hadnt even achieved democracy yet. what my parents were thinking i'll never know. how they got away with it is also beyond me. lol. bf.

hey Tk03, there is a solution to that....There is only One Race, the Human Race on this planet....people should look at our differences as the many different beautiful flowers in the garden, but we are all part of the same Human Race and should be loving and working to help one another instead of tearing each other down. <br />
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Best Wishes! Mel

i know wat u mean. my parents are 2 different races and people want u 2 be one race or the other.

Well we certainly should be sensitive to other's feelings. We are all entitled to believe and be what we want to be but it shouldn't be at the expense of others. In the proper time, we could certainly share more about ourselves and in a way that isn't judgmental or threatening to how someone else is or lives. And I don't believe that means we are being fake or false to ourselves or others. <br />
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Best Wishes! Mel

Are you from South Africa cause it sure sounds lie a problem many people there would have.