I've recently come to the conclusion that I am in major need of discipline in my life. I am very hard working and honest and compassionate, but I have no direction and I find it entirely impossible to use my own life as motivation to stay focused on anything.

I understand that a good amount of my lack of motivation may be attributed to some form of depression, but I know for a fact that if I had someone to put me in line and keep me there I would learn a lot about what it takes for me to find motivation.
Holdontothefire Holdontothefire
22-25, M
5 Responses Aug 20, 2014

You have to want it. How badly do you want it? I'm a student teacher... so much of why I do things is for the kids, or for my career.

Haha that is my problem. I don't want anything. Apparently that's what depression is xD

That IS part of it. I live with three forms of it. I am on antidepressabts and did counseling. Took a long time, but I am pretty stable now. Do you have a friend who would"stand up to you" so to speak? Someone who would help you make some goals and hold you to them? My mom had to call in one of mine at one point. We have a brother-sister relationship. He was in the Army at the time, and patience had never been his strength. He was empathetic, but he wasn't going to let me mess up my future.

I actually had my first visit with a therapist last week because I know I need help to do things with my life. I literally have nobody like that. Nobody close to me has ever stood up to me or pushed me; just a bunch of passive family members and that only makes my negativity worse.

I can be a friend here. I will challenge you!

I'd be happy to have you to hold me accountable! People timidly try to help me, and now I have the encouragement of a professional, but none of that is like having a friend who is willing to be blunt.

I am very empathetic, but I can be direct when I need to. :)

Haha I could use a little directness!

First of all. What is your major, etc? One thing that my therapists taught me that helps is whenever you don't want to do something, say "I don't want to do it-go to class, go to work, get out of bed, do homework, whatever it is- and I'm doing it anyway. Then, Do it. If it helps, keep a tally of when you gave in to your desires and when you followed through. Discuss results w/ therapist. On days you want to hide, make a point to go out with a friend.

I'm going to message you xD

6 More Responses

What inspires you?

Kindhearted people and beneficial technical advances. Also small and creative mechanical devices. They get me really worked up haha.

I feel like you know what I'm going to say, but God can help you. Maybe start by disciplining yourself to read the word daily. I would start with the proverbs of the day. Has lots of wisdom and understanding. There are 31 chapters so one per day and a lot of the verses are directly relatable to daily living. Motivation for LIFE! :)

What kind of discipline exactly?

You can always discipline yourself :

Take something you love and use daily, make yourself unable to use that item until you do whatever you need to do..

Emotionally disciplining yourself isn't exactly easy to do haha. I can't lecture myself or be disappointed in myself in a way that leads anywhere but depression.

Ah, I understand that.
What do you actually believe would help emotional discipline?

Having someone support me in the things I need to do with myself. I need someone with a firm hand who I respect to help me understand my good and bad habits. I realize self-discipline is an important thing, but it has proven pretty worthless so far.

Discipline is also a skill. It needs practice for those of us that are not naturally inclined towards it. Let's say for example your goal is to exercise. First find something you enjoy doing....for me it's walking briskly in the nearby trails. Then set a realistic goal. For me it's half an hour 5 times a week. When I get off track I just brush it off and start all over again. Or I change up my route or try something different to make it more interesting. But once I start to gain some success and feel happy with the rewards of my discipline it certainly is easier to stick with. Sorry if I'm hijacking your thread. I'll stop writing now! lol

No it's cool haha. I just find that that "brush it off and start over" isn't something I do. I'll beat myself up about it for about five minutes, realize that that's what I'm doing, then just brush the whole thing off so I don't have to deal with it emotionally.

Oh I see. You are hard on yourself! Can't say I haven't been there. lol :( Well, maybe like you suggested you need someone to be an emotional coach. Good luck!

Thank you! I look forward to getting support for myself, no matter where it might come from.

4 More Responses

I'm not sure where you live but there might be some free resources to help you along your journey. Here in Canada, we have what's called a "Red Book" that lists all the resources available. I think it's either attainable as resource at the library or even if you called a crisis line they should have access to one and give you some phone numbers to call. Also have you read the book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People". I found it helpful. It states how we should all have a life mission statement and goes through how to write one that is a reflection of you. Having a life mission statement helps to keep me focused. I too have a problems with motivation and indecisiveness. It's partially just my personality. I tend to be very curious and distractible. But I'm finding that if I find something that I'm truly, truly passionate about then I will stick with it. So I think that's part of the equation Also, perhaps if you write down your goals, then all the steps/sub-goals within to achieve them and then have someone to report your progress to help keep you on track. Just some thoughts. Just remember you are still young and figuring it all out. The 20's are still an exploratory stage. It will get easier! Good luck!