My Attention Is Equally Drawn

I think this one's a bit of a no brainer.  However, speaking for myself, a Caucasian male, my head is often spun as much by First Nations, Oriental, Indian, Saudi, African, or Middle Eastern women as it is by 'white' girls.  I'm not just talking about skinny supermodel-esque women, either.  Big girls are beautiful, too!  (As are short; as are tall; as are average -- though I've yet to meet one of those.)

Is it any wonder I'm dizzy so much?  Must focus mo--  "Oh!" he smiles. "nice to meet you!  My name's 'what are you up to after work this Friday?'"  (Wink, wink!  Nudge, nudge!)

UnderEli UnderEli
46-50, M
8 Responses Jun 25, 2009

I am sorry to hear of the negative experiences you had. One of the things I've learned as I've grown older (I almost used the word 'matured,' but caught myself in time) is how important it is to find value in yourself instead of looking for it in others. I believe it is a perception we all suffer from now and then, and it's a hard one to get over. As a Caucasian man, I've often felt left behind because I wasn't attractive enough. It must be that much harder for women who don't fit into the typical celebrity image.<br />
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There is no way for me to prove it, but I suspect there were several men who admired you. It may have been a case of succumbing to peer pressure that kept them from approaching you. Or it may have been as innocuous as being too shy or lacking self-confidence in themselves that kept them from doing so? <br />
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Do not blame yourself too much for how some people treated you. There are snakes in the grass, true, but that doesn't mean everyone is one. You mentioned how you were floored when a Caucasian man did find you attractive? Those were just the ones who told you so. <br />
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Life today is too rushed, or we simply don't make the time to tell someone how much we admire their good looks any more. Plus, so many people suffer from self-centerdness syndrome, and this me vs. everyone else philosophy leaves people who happen to be more sensitive, like you and me, feeling left out after no one noticed (or noticed enough) that we're worthwhile too.<br />
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Personally, I find an olive complexion and dark hair really hot! Excuse me while I wipe the steam from my glasses. If I had a penny for every time I found a woman from a non-white background attractive, I wouldn't have to work any more! <br />
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Finding someone attractive like that doesn't always mean it will go somewhere though, even if I'm brave enough to strike up a conversation and get to know you a little. Getting to know someone takes time, and we all feel like we don't have enough of that any more, don't we? I'm not making excuses, just stating what's what. Suppose I found someone attractive, talked to her and we got along? It doesn't always follow that she'll provide me with her number, should I ask. And if we do stay in touch, it doesn't follow that we'll become a couple. Just because i find a woman attractive doesn't mean she'll feel the same way about me. It's a two-way street. <br />
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But this is getting a little too general, in terms of just meeting someone, isn't it?<br />
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There aren't any simple answers I can provide for you, pinkjamjam. As I said, I noticed women of different ethnic backgrounds more the older I got, so I think a certain maturity is required, an ability to realize that beauty is so much more than skin-deep. It's a willingness to be open to accepting a person entirely for who she is, regardless of age, shape, ethnicity or colour. Unfortunately, not everyone is raised to consider this, and might not even when they do get older. Think of the movie "Driving Miss Daisy," for example.<br />
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Let me come back to the first thing I said in this response -- and my friends here will vouch for my truly believing this: Have faith in the fact that you are a beautiful woman just the way you are, even if men aren't tripping over another to get to your front door. It's their loss, not your own. You are the best you that you can be, so you don't have to prove anything to anyone who isn't willing to find out who you are. I know this is rather high-minded, and easier said than done, especially when you're in a glut of loneliness or longing for someone else's attention. I do my best to not give up, and to have faith that good things eventually come to everyone.

I'm a multi-ethnic female who grew up in a predominately Caucasian area. I ALWAYS got made fun of for everything. Religion (everyone was mostly Catholic and I wasn't), where my parents were from (I'm first generation American) the fact my family wasn't wealthy, that I wasn't a brainiac (I'm an artist and a hands on learner), I wasn't good in sports, and especially, what I looked like. No one could tell my ethnicity (people still can't) and boys made my life MISERABLE. Even in college, Caucasian boys never talked to me. I can't figure out why it happened. I'm a highly sensitive person who doesn't fit anyone's profile I guess, but why were men always so evil? Even today (many years later) I'm FLOORED when a Caucasian man finds me attractive. I always think most Caucasion men just don't like women who don't look like them. Is having an olive complection with dark hair so off putting?<br />
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Funny thing about 'excluding,' as I know some men (and women, too, I suppose) are biased like this. I've found, as I've grown older, I've grown more attracted to women from different cultures and backgrounds . . . something I hadn't noticed before. It doesn't sound romantic, but a part of me is fascinated by how I find ethnic beauty so . . . beautiful! <br />
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Of course, another, more raw part of me doesn't think about or question why I'm attracted. It just accepts that "How do you do?" I am.

Beauty comes in every size, shape and color. When we start excluding, we are just depriving ourselves of what is our there. <br />
But, it takes a mature person to see beyond the outside and the beauty in every 'outside'.

Thanks, Corie. I gotta tell it like it is, you know? There is certainly not one 'type' that I notice more than others. Metro Vancouver is has so much cultural diversity. Yet every culture has its beauty, too -- which I really like. I enjoy being open to everyone's ethnicity.

I'm just telling it like it is. Glad you liked it.

Yay! Great to hear a guy like you speaking out =]<br />
Sometimes ethnic women tend to feel undesired as we are all put up to the european standard, so bless ya heart sweet. are you real?? nah....guys aren't that sweet..are they??