Here It Is

So a while back I had left my husband for a whole 4 days and he begged me to go back. I did. Here is it almost 6 months later and I am still in the relationship. He has been a great father, husband, and somewhat good friend. I go places with him that I really don't care to go and he sometimes does the same for me. We have a business together that we started when we first got together. We have 2 daughters ages 20 and 19. The youngest has moved out and lives with her boyfriend. The oldest and my nephew, who is 9, lives with us. I am 43 my husband is 62. But I used to think that age didn't matter. We have had our share of arguments and what not, like any relationship has. I have run up some debt, and he has always taken care of it. I have met another man, whom I have known for about 7 years now. My husband knows him as well. I have not slept with the other man but have drove 3 hours one way just to visit for about 2 hours then turned around and drove back home. I done this about 3-4 times, until my husband found out. I knew he would. And I think deep down in side, I wanted him to find out. So, here I am reading articles on "how to leave your husband". I don't want to sit down with him and talk about this any more. He will talk me out of leaving, and thats not what I want. I honestly have no feelings for him. I don't want to sleep with him. I don't want to have sex with him. I don't look at him when we are sitting across the table from each other. I just don't want to be with him anymore.

We have a business together which we started when we first got together. I helped him with that until our first daughter was born and then for some reason I wanted to work outside of our business. So I did. For about 2 years. Then one night, my boss was celebrating his birthday. Me and all my co-workers and boss went out to celebrate. I came home early in the morning, and my husband was pissed. Which, now I can understand. I miss the idea of actually working and contributing to the family. He doesn't see it that way. So, now when I discuss wanting to work somewhere else, he gets really offended. I guess I can understand his feelings, but he is holding me back of potentially making something more of my self. Am I wrong for wanting to leave this marriage so I can find myself again and be happy again? Am I being selfish for wanting to do something for ME? I want to find out who I am. Who I can be. Who I want to be. I don't want to be his wife any more. I don't want to have to ask if I can go to Wal-mart or ask to bring my daughters to town. That is ridiculous.