For Intelligent Women - The Guide Book To Driving Men Crazy...Literally.

1. Do not say what you mean. Ever.

2. Be ambiguous. Always.

3. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault.

4. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or

5. Make them apologize for everything.

6. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cutereminders that you were thinking of them.

7. Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks.

8. Play Alanis Morissette's "You Outta Know," loud. Look at them Smile.

9. Look them in the eye and start laughing.

10. Cry.

11. Get mad at them for everything.

12. Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm.

13. Hold grudges.

14. Demand to be e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply.

15. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value.

16. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his "little princess. "

17. Be late for everything. Yell if they're late.

18. Talk about your ex-boyfriend 24-7. Compare and contrast.

19. Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom. Do nothing alone. Independence is a sign of weakness.

20. Cry.

21. Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they're wrong.

22. Plan little relationship anniversaries, i. e. the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the library. . . for five minutes. Then get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry.

23. Fall for your FAC.

24. Gather many female friends and dance to "I Will Survive" while they are present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud.

25. Correct their grammar.

26. Describe back-alley abortions. Then remind them of their mother or little sister.

27. Constantly claim you're fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer.

28. Leave out the good parts in stories.

29. Make sure to only be interested in guys in the same friendship group. Make sure to cause trouble.

30. Make them wonder. Confusion is a good thing.

31. Cry.

32. Declare that you are not wacko.

33. Criticize the way they dress.

34. Criticize the music they listen to.

35. Criticize their hair.

36. Ignore them. When asked, "What's wrong?" tell them that if they don't know, you're not going to tell them.

37. Try to change them.

38. Try to mold them.

39. Try to get them to dance.

40. Pretend you're interested, lead them on, then feign ignorance when confronted.

41. When they screw up, never let them forget it.

42. Make them stay at religious services until they are close to fainting. Just because.

43. Blame everything on PMS.

44. Blame everything on PMS only after it has been blamed on them.

45. Whenever there is silence ask them, "What are you thinking?"

46. Get mad if they don't notice a haircut. Even if it's only a half inch.

47. Read into everything.

48. Over-analyze everything.

49. Cry.

50. Make it your goal to make them cry.

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8 Responses Jul 10, 2010

ROFL! So you've met most of my ex's then?<br />
Sheesh...and my friends wonder why I've lost interest in dating ;-)

Uh, have you planted a microphone somewhere in my house?? Those 50 items are too "close to home" to be funny....

Maybe a better subtitle would be, "How to Drive Men Away." <br />
If a person needs to manipulate another that much they are better off alone, where they can be with themselves more often. (Humor)<br />

This was hysterical , and I actually read it aloud to someone , feasibilty you are too much , now might I expound on 19... what I like to do actually tie a rope around my ankle and my dates when at a restaurant so that my 6 trips to the bathroom at the dinner they are forced to go with me and of course a bell is hung on the rope .. so that everyone will take notice ...... surprisingly never any second dates , for the life of me I dont know why ?...=-D

Man the creative ways women can try to break a man down!!! *cries*

Never had 6 or 16 inflicted upon me - for 18 read ex-husband...<br />
Following years of research, I'd suggest that 30 - 39 would appear to be genetically programmed. Universally. to ALL women. Clearly not a design fault then. ;-)<br />
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42. Oh, yes! In the Catholic heartland of Switzerland - on teh mid point of our honeymoon. vast, vast amounts of insence - this sucker ran before he fell. Ironically, when found was enjoying a cigarette. THings were never really the same after that.<br />
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45. A guaranteed conversation killer. Even more so than 36, actually. Now 36... akin to taking a vow of silence personally - has resulted in many days of conversations consisting of 45. And nothing more than 45.<br />
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That is indeed an awesome list. One to strike reality into the heart of any man. I salute you! ;-)

ROTFL!!!! That was so hilarious! This reminds me of the movie, "How to Lose a Man in Ten Days"-- which was completely funny (if you haven't seen it you must check it out!)

You are wise beyond your years.