In a Waiting Pattern....


Since this is a ‘goal’ of ours I should probably share why it is a goal!


My wife and I have been married for close to 15 years and have always wanted a family. We began our marriage with the picture of the perfect family, Thanksgiving and Christmas get together with the Kids playing football in the back yard while lunch / dinner was being prepared, Football on one TV and more family members playing games on another TV or even a board game on the coffee table. This really was a vision that brought a smile to my wife’s face (and mine for that matter). We always figured that we would have (3) kids of our own, then adopt another when they began to grow up to have a full family!  

A few years into our marriage we decided to start trying to build that family, unfortunately to no avail! She was plagued with fertility issues that we were getting few answers for. At this point our best bet was to keep trying. At some point shortly after we hit the millennium, we decided that a closer look needed to be taken. She returned to the Doctor’s who referred her to fertility specialists who compounded our problems when they began requiring me to go through some diagnostic tests. These tests, of course, came back with results that would bring a majority of the male population to their knees; I had issues to deal with too!   We both began eating better and exercising, following doctor’s orders I had a surgical procedure to “Hopefully” decrease the impact of my issue on the situation, and then came the next waiting period, time to keep trying! 

After attempting artificial insemination a couple of times, we moved to a different city due to job changes and decided to take a few months off of the continual effort.   After starting out again with a new round of Doctor’s and tests, my issues were not as bad as they had been, but I was still not great! Doctors were concerned with my wife’s condition and became more concerned after doing a biopsy of her uterus. Next for her came more tests and the dreaded word “Cancer”, no options, just a hysterectomy.  (I could start another story here, I was told by the Doctor when this came up that I needed to be supportive of my wife throughout this ordeal, and I was; but there were never any questions from the Doctor’s on the return visits, at the hospital, etc about how I was holding up. It was a difficult situation for both of us to go through, and while much support is offered for the patient, the spouse often gets left out to handle their emotions by themselves! (Really kind of sucks!))  

Where would we go from here? After some time for her recovery, and mourning for both of us we started looking at open adoption. It seemed great, the costs weren’t as prohibitive as I once imagined, there was no secrecy about where the child came from, they would have the opportunity to know their birthparents and background; so needless to say we signed up!  

We worked diligently to complete our home study documents, background checks and interviews, got our recommendation letters submitted and began working on our “Dear Birthmother letter”. This task seemed to take forever, deciding on wording, spacing, and looking for photo’s to use (pictures of us together seemed to be lacking from our collection, since most of the time it was just the 2 of us, I took a picture of her, she of me, and we had a bunch of pet pictures!)  

We finally achieved the “wait list” just over a year ago, and both of us get anxious each time the phone rings or we check email. Making the effort to network with our friends, families, and co-workers to let them know we are waiting has brought around a couple of possibilities, but nothing that has come to fruition. So we’re left to wonder if today is the day. So far it hasn’t happened and we are both trying to remain positive that there is that birthmother out there who will choose us!! Until then it’s waiting and hoping!

lifeslife08 lifeslife08
36-40, M
2 Responses Sep 26, 2008

Visualize your hopes and you will bring them to you, it's the law of attraction. Many books out there to learn about this subject. By concentrating on this issue too much you may bring the opposite of what it is you want. You are better off dreaming about this family and looking forward to it like you described in the start of your letter. It's more of an expecting than a waiting. Great power in the thoughts! Unseen force.

Thanks for your thoughts & Prayers WOS! <br />
<br />
We know that things will happen when they are supposed to, the main goal is just keeping the "hope" alive ahead of the frustration of waiting!! :-)