I Am An Adoptive Mother

I adopted my son at birth. I was blessed to be there for the birth and was able to bring him home 12 hours later. The nine months that it took for the adoption to become final were HELL! His BM could come and take him from me at ANY time, day or night. I think this, sadly, impacted my ability to fully bond with him during those first crucial months. I love him more than life itself, but I still wonder, with guilt, if it should have been "more".
FeedtheBirds FeedtheBirds
51-55, F
5 Responses Aug 12, 2007

I hope this was a sign from God that I ran into this message. I was just responding to missing and still loving my ex-wife even though I was the victim in the whole thing; she was bipolar, alcoholic, gotten her tubes tied before the marriage, and may have been unfaithful since after two months of our divorce being finalized, she remarried a man she went to Arkansas to visit once during our marriage and once during the separation period. Sorry I'm getting off track, but I am in the process of adopting on my own, praying to God that He make me a father to a child or two that He considers right for me. And the later on meet a woman who might love me and them as well. I do hear about how tough it can be, especially on my own, but I need to do this now, and there are so many children out there without permanent homes/families. Thank you for posting. You sound like great parents. God bless you.

You're right, FeedtheBirds, a kid can never have too many people loving them.<br />
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Your son is lucky to have you as his mom. :-)

My son will soon be turning 16. We are very close and I love him unconditionally. We have made sure that he has always had contact with his bio-family. His birth grandmother stays in touch regularly. He knows that we support any contact that he wishes to have with them. A kid can never have too many people loving them!

Hi, it must be very hard to let yourself fully bond as the mother of a baby that you know could be taken away from you any day by the birth mother. That's one reason I liked the idea of adopting from overseas, where the adoption would be final from day one and our new life could begin. Now that my kids are older, I wish it were easier to potentially find their birth mothers. As much as we love our kids, I've learned that there is a big missing hole for them not to even know their biological parents.<br />
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Adoption is such a complicated thing--much more so than most people realize. Adoption is thought of as this wonderful thing for the child and the parents, and in most ways it is, but in all of that "wonderfulness" what goes overlooked is the fact that most adoptions are born out of pain for all parties. The pain of the birth mother giving up her child, the pain of the adoptive parents (often) in infertility, the pain of the child wondering why they were abandonned by the birth mother.<br />
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The teenage years are the hardest (true for bio kids as well) but when your kids are adopted, they attribute a lot of their angst to adoption even though they would have had identity crises anyway.<br />
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How old is your child now?<br />
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Hi, i am adopted and have always had a very limited relationship with my adoptive mother as has my twin sister ( both adopted together ) i am trying to understand my adoptive mother and i know she suffered her own losses before we came along. I have been researching adoption for years and have been in re union with my birth mother for the past two years which has been of great benefit to my life in many ways. Adoption is not any easy subject for the triad involved, i want to tell my adoptive mother what has happened in the past two years, howveer we feel she would be so hurt and feel we have done the wrong thing by her, which is not the case, however she is not of character to put her own feelings aside and put ours first, and never has in 35 years. Adoption has all levels of effect on people, but it has had a very deep and acute effect on my life the last 5 years, up untill the age 30 i never gave it a thought however certain losses in my life directed me to where i am today. There are many issues for us all, however i have learnt that open communication and allowing myself to validate deep feeling and emotions helps a lot, having people around that understand is another struggle in day to day living. There are great support groups avaliable for both the birth family, adoptive family and for adoptives themselves, i go to a monthly group and find it very worth while to be in a room with others that actually do understand.<br />
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Cheers andrew